Lehigh 1986
Princeton at Lehigh
October 18th, 1986
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard, laborious look at the birth of the Colonial League.
“Princeton Forward”
The birth of the Colonial League means no more athletic scholarships, and of course, no more athletic scholarships means no more athletic supporters. This could really hurt your wrestling team, (in falsetto) no really. That’s a shame; the Band loves wrestlers, big brawny men in tights searching for the perfect grip on their opponent. In a tradition which comes from the Greeks, they try to force each other to their knees and pin them into submission. However, Jello wrestling is our favorite. It feels so good between our…toes. Hey, Band. (Band stops scramble) Can you wiggle and jiggle? (Band wiggles and jiggles) Looks good, Band. (“Feels good Chris.”) Speaking of wiggling and jiggling, take Sumo wrestlers. They wiggle and jiggle, weeble and wobble, but they don’t fall down. But why do men so big still wear diapers? Forming the smallest part of the Sumo wrestlers anatomy on the field, his nose, the Band plays “Turning Japanese.”
“Turning Japanese” (Band forms nose)
Hey, hey, hey — heard the news? Bill Cosby is speaking at your graduation and we know that you’re as proud as peacocks. But first, there are some things about Bill that we thought you should know. While starring in “I Spy” the Russians arrested him and the US had to trade twenty-five metric tons of surplus Jello Pudding Pops to get him back. Indeed, Bill’s connections in Jello landed him his new job with E.F. Hutton. His attendance at a Jello wrestling tournament prompted the saying, “When Bill Cosby talks, people glisten.” Forming the call letters that carry Cosby’s show, the Band salutes your commencement speaker by saying:
a) Nobody Better than Cosby,
b) Nobody Bigger than Cosby,
c) No Bran Cereal,
d) Nero Beats Caesar (X-V),
e) F. Hutton, or
f) The Lehigh Marching 97
“Pomp and Circumstance” (Band forms ‘NBC’)
So you think your academics are pretty stiff, huh? The Princeton Band has learned that early this week, Lehigh was offered admission to the Ivy League. Just think, if you give up your athletic scholarships, put essays on your applications, and bring your reading ability up to the 9th grade level, you too can cover your dorms with clinging green plants. Oh no, Lehigh! You’ve broken the Ivy’s cardinal rule by awarding the first annual Hulk Hogan jello wrestling scholarship to Chaplain Flesher. Now you’ll never find a way to make the Ivy League. Forming “Never Find a Way”, the Band plays “Live and Let Die.”
“Live and Let Die” (Band forms ‘NFW’)
And now we invite you to please count them as they take the field, the Lehigh Marching 97. One, two, three…forget it.
October 18th, 1986
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard, laborious look at the birth of the Colonial League.
“Princeton Forward”
The birth of the Colonial League means no more athletic scholarships, and of course, no more athletic scholarships means no more athletic supporters. This could really hurt your wrestling team, (in falsetto) no really. That’s a shame; the Band loves wrestlers, big brawny men in tights searching for the perfect grip on their opponent. In a tradition which comes from the Greeks, they try to force each other to their knees and pin them into submission. However, Jello wrestling is our favorite. It feels so good between our…toes. Hey, Band. (Band stops scramble) Can you wiggle and jiggle? (Band wiggles and jiggles) Looks good, Band. (“Feels good Chris.”) Speaking of wiggling and jiggling, take Sumo wrestlers. They wiggle and jiggle, weeble and wobble, but they don’t fall down. But why do men so big still wear diapers? Forming the smallest part of the Sumo wrestlers anatomy on the field, his nose, the Band plays “Turning Japanese.”
“Turning Japanese” (Band forms nose)
Hey, hey, hey — heard the news? Bill Cosby is speaking at your graduation and we know that you’re as proud as peacocks. But first, there are some things about Bill that we thought you should know. While starring in “I Spy” the Russians arrested him and the US had to trade twenty-five metric tons of surplus Jello Pudding Pops to get him back. Indeed, Bill’s connections in Jello landed him his new job with E.F. Hutton. His attendance at a Jello wrestling tournament prompted the saying, “When Bill Cosby talks, people glisten.” Forming the call letters that carry Cosby’s show, the Band salutes your commencement speaker by saying:
a) Nobody Better than Cosby,
b) Nobody Bigger than Cosby,
c) No Bran Cereal,
d) Nero Beats Caesar (X-V),
e) F. Hutton, or
f) The Lehigh Marching 97
“Pomp and Circumstance” (Band forms ‘NBC’)
So you think your academics are pretty stiff, huh? The Princeton Band has learned that early this week, Lehigh was offered admission to the Ivy League. Just think, if you give up your athletic scholarships, put essays on your applications, and bring your reading ability up to the 9th grade level, you too can cover your dorms with clinging green plants. Oh no, Lehigh! You’ve broken the Ivy’s cardinal rule by awarding the first annual Hulk Hogan jello wrestling scholarship to Chaplain Flesher. Now you’ll never find a way to make the Ivy League. Forming “Never Find a Way”, the Band plays “Live and Let Die.”
“Live and Let Die” (Band forms ‘NFW’)
And now we invite you to please count them as they take the field, the Lehigh Marching 97. One, two, three…forget it.
