Penn 1988
Princeton vs. Penn
October 29th, 1988
Outcome Unknown
It’s Halloween, and a young band’s fancy turns to thoughts of…Electroshock therapy.
“Princeton Forward”
Electroshock therapy is the deliberate induction of a seizure by passing a current of between 70 and 130 volts through a patient’s brain…We interrupt this halftime show with a special bulletin. This is Orson Welles Jr. reporting from near Grover’s Mill New Jersey. Aliens have landed in Palmer Stadium. Hide the women, the children, and the sheep. Run for your lives.
(“Close Encounters” theme)
Early reports indicate that these aliens are dressed in red and blue and are surrounded by clouds of hot air. They claim allegience to a certain school that purports to be in the Ivy League. Forming:
a) useless, fatuous, and obsequious
b) uncalled for occupation
c) uniforms of flaming orange
d) ugly filadelphian ogres
e)
f) the Penn band
the Band reminds you that Penn students are living proof that lesser beings share our universe.
“Star Trek” (Band forms ‘UFO’)
These alien invaders from the city of brotherly riots can be distinguished by their Pennsylvania State Safety School sweatshirts. What could they be looking for in Princeton? Discount clothing from Palmer Square? (Band replies “Nah.”) McDonald’s? (Band replies “Nah.”) An exciting night life? (Band replies “Nah.”) A real Ivy League education? (Band replies “Well…”) Well Penn, you’ve come to the right place. Hey Band, how can we repel these alien hordes? I know — look! Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane…it’s a frog. (Band replies “A frog?”) Not bird nor plane nor even frog, its just little old me…Underdog!
“Underdog” (Band forms a dog bone)
Underdog, that champion of oppressed peoples everywhere has come to our rescue! Our hero sizes up the situation and orders the aliens home again. Oh no, their spaceship was destroyed by the Dinky. Never Fear, Princeton has installed two brand-spanking-new, specially designed, highly secret, Venturi Kiosk II space shuttles. These extremely complex space transportation units are equipped with a pair of powerful booster rockets, priced at 25,000 dollars apiece. With a hearty farewell and good riddance, the Band says “hit the road, Jack — we’ve got a Big Three championship on our minds.”
“Hit the Road, Jack” (Band forms a spaceship) (Spaceship blasts off with the aid of two fire extingushers)
October 29th, 1988
Outcome Unknown
It’s Halloween, and a young band’s fancy turns to thoughts of…Electroshock therapy.
“Princeton Forward”
Electroshock therapy is the deliberate induction of a seizure by passing a current of between 70 and 130 volts through a patient’s brain…We interrupt this halftime show with a special bulletin. This is Orson Welles Jr. reporting from near Grover’s Mill New Jersey. Aliens have landed in Palmer Stadium. Hide the women, the children, and the sheep. Run for your lives.
(“Close Encounters” theme)
Early reports indicate that these aliens are dressed in red and blue and are surrounded by clouds of hot air. They claim allegience to a certain school that purports to be in the Ivy League. Forming:
a) useless, fatuous, and obsequious
b) uncalled for occupation
c) uniforms of flaming orange
d) ugly filadelphian ogres
e)
f) the Penn band
the Band reminds you that Penn students are living proof that lesser beings share our universe.
“Star Trek” (Band forms ‘UFO’)
These alien invaders from the city of brotherly riots can be distinguished by their Pennsylvania State Safety School sweatshirts. What could they be looking for in Princeton? Discount clothing from Palmer Square? (Band replies “Nah.”) McDonald’s? (Band replies “Nah.”) An exciting night life? (Band replies “Nah.”) A real Ivy League education? (Band replies “Well…”) Well Penn, you’ve come to the right place. Hey Band, how can we repel these alien hordes? I know — look! Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane…it’s a frog. (Band replies “A frog?”) Not bird nor plane nor even frog, its just little old me…Underdog!
“Underdog” (Band forms a dog bone)
Underdog, that champion of oppressed peoples everywhere has come to our rescue! Our hero sizes up the situation and orders the aliens home again. Oh no, their spaceship was destroyed by the Dinky. Never Fear, Princeton has installed two brand-spanking-new, specially designed, highly secret, Venturi Kiosk II space shuttles. These extremely complex space transportation units are equipped with a pair of powerful booster rockets, priced at 25,000 dollars apiece. With a hearty farewell and good riddance, the Band says “hit the road, Jack — we’ve got a Big Three championship on our minds.”
“Hit the Road, Jack” (Band forms a spaceship) (Spaceship blasts off with the aid of two fire extingushers)