Brown 1989
Princeton vs. Brown
October 7th, 1989
Outcome Unknown
The Brown Underwear Show” Ladies and gentlemen, a brief look at underwear, brought to you by Maidenform. The Maidenform Band: Who knows where they’ll turn up.
(“Princeton Forward”)
Boy, cosmic string theory sure is complicated, but not nearly as complicated as women’s underwear. Modern women have to contend with billions and billions of hooks, pins, and fasteners, not to mention Velcro, FunTak, and duct tape. Of course, not all women have this problem; for Brooke Shields, nothing comes between her and her Calvins. Quite a change from the days when every morning Grandma June had to stuff herself into her corset, shown here. Saluting this painful practice, the Band remembers when June was busting out all over.
(Band forms a corset–which contracts–and plays “June is Busting Out All Over”)
Men’s underwear has a long and provocative history. Originally, men covered themselves with fig leaves–the original fruit of the loom. However, anthropologists are still unsure just how early man kept them on. Mankind chafed throughout the Stone Age, but his primitive flint athletic supporters were the first “Rocks for Jocks.” During the Bronze and Iron Ages, man experimented with new materials, but welding the fly shut was too time-consuming and just too darn dangerous. Men wore no underwear in the Dark Ages–but who knew? This proved very embarrassing at the start of the Enlightenment, when man realized that he had to hide his love away.
(Band forms athletic supporter and plays “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away”)
In revolutionary times, underwear was hard to find. A British bloomer embargo caught the American forces at Valley Forge with their pants down. Take George Washington. (Band yells “Please! … No, really!”) Sure, his wooden teeth were uncomfortable, but his mahogany drawers were the real reason he was standing while crossing the Delaware. Man didn’t improve much on underwear until the Industrial Revolution, and even then he didn’t change it much. Just recently, when we heard that a certain Ivy League band had been wearing the same pair of boxers for three weeks straight, we weren’t surprised to find out it was Brown. Completely revolted, we urge the Brown band to take it off, take it all off!
(Band forms boxers, which come down with lagging trombone and cymbals and plays “Stripper”)
What are you doing, Band? There are laws against that in this state. Go run away and put some clothes on.
October 7th, 1989
Outcome Unknown
The Brown Underwear Show” Ladies and gentlemen, a brief look at underwear, brought to you by Maidenform. The Maidenform Band: Who knows where they’ll turn up.
(“Princeton Forward”)
Boy, cosmic string theory sure is complicated, but not nearly as complicated as women’s underwear. Modern women have to contend with billions and billions of hooks, pins, and fasteners, not to mention Velcro, FunTak, and duct tape. Of course, not all women have this problem; for Brooke Shields, nothing comes between her and her Calvins. Quite a change from the days when every morning Grandma June had to stuff herself into her corset, shown here. Saluting this painful practice, the Band remembers when June was busting out all over.
(Band forms a corset–which contracts–and plays “June is Busting Out All Over”)
Men’s underwear has a long and provocative history. Originally, men covered themselves with fig leaves–the original fruit of the loom. However, anthropologists are still unsure just how early man kept them on. Mankind chafed throughout the Stone Age, but his primitive flint athletic supporters were the first “Rocks for Jocks.” During the Bronze and Iron Ages, man experimented with new materials, but welding the fly shut was too time-consuming and just too darn dangerous. Men wore no underwear in the Dark Ages–but who knew? This proved very embarrassing at the start of the Enlightenment, when man realized that he had to hide his love away.
(Band forms athletic supporter and plays “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away”)
In revolutionary times, underwear was hard to find. A British bloomer embargo caught the American forces at Valley Forge with their pants down. Take George Washington. (Band yells “Please! … No, really!”) Sure, his wooden teeth were uncomfortable, but his mahogany drawers were the real reason he was standing while crossing the Delaware. Man didn’t improve much on underwear until the Industrial Revolution, and even then he didn’t change it much. Just recently, when we heard that a certain Ivy League band had been wearing the same pair of boxers for three weeks straight, we weren’t surprised to find out it was Brown. Completely revolted, we urge the Brown band to take it off, take it all off!
(Band forms boxers, which come down with lagging trombone and cymbals and plays “Stripper”)
What are you doing, Band? There are laws against that in this state. Go run away and put some clothes on.
