Brown 1991
Princeton at Brown
October 12th, 1991
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
And now, ladies and gentlemen, moms and dads, and Regis Philbin. Leaking onto the field like a nasty press release, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Hey Parents! Aren’t you glad you sent your kids to Brown? Where else could they have Mental Health Awareness Week and atually take it seriously? Where else could your kids root for a football team that has scored less than Pee-Wee Herman? And where else could you find full “condom drawers” in all the dormitory lounges? Saluting nothing in particular, the Band plays a politically-correct, extended remix version of Brown’s fight song.
“Brown Cheering Song” (Band forms a small ‘b’)
And now for a daily trivia question: which is the greater number, the population of China, the number of unemployed Brown graduates, or the number of yards given up by the Brown defense so far this season? We don’t have the answers - we just ask the questions.
And now for the
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
Your attention please: would the Brown band please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a simple and straightforward look at happenings at Brown, using small words, so the Brown students can follow along. “Princeton Forward” It has come to our attention that Brown University has changed its team’s name from the “Bruins” to the “Bears,” in response to student’s inability to grapple with large words. Other ideas that were considered include:
a) The Brown Bags
b) The Big Brown
c) Dick run. Run Dick, run!
d) The Brown Ees
e) The Brown Tide
f) The Brown Band
Because of these same problems with polysyllabic words, the state of Rhode Island has decided to change the name “Providence” to “Uhhh.” Forming ‘UH’ on the field, the Band salutes the average bubble-headed Brown student and plays “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles.” “
I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” (Band forms ‘UH’)
Another sweeping change at Brown this year is the abolition of the coed bathrooms. Now Brown students will just have to meet their dates somewhere else. Other unanticipated problems have also developed. Due to mounting confusion, the Brown band doesn’t know which one to go into. To remedy the situation, the University is offering a new course, “SEX 101: What You Are.” Also, to alleviate accusations of hermaphrophobia, the administration has decided to add a third type of bathroom for the Brown band. Forming the new symbol on the door, the Band plays “I Hear You Knocking, But You Can’t Come In.”
“I Hear You Knocking” (Band forms a question mark)
Speaking of confusion, Ivy League football looks pretty complicated this year, so we asked those guys from Saturday Night Live what they thought of the situation.
1: Who do you think is da worst team in the Ivy League dis year?
2: Da Bears.
1: But what if dey had Joe Montana, Dick Butkiss, and God?
2: Well…would Ditka coach?
1: Yeah.
2: I still gotta go with…a loss for da Bears.
1: But what if they were playing a team made up of Nelson Mandella, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, and Brooke Shields as tight end — who do ya think would lose?
2: Da Bears.
1: Well, who do ya think is gonna win today’s game?
2: Da Tigers!
1: Why are we so blessed?
“Tiger Rag” (Band forms a ‘T’)
And now for a band playing songs by dead white male authors….
October 12th, 1991
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
And now, ladies and gentlemen, moms and dads, and Regis Philbin. Leaking onto the field like a nasty press release, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Hey Parents! Aren’t you glad you sent your kids to Brown? Where else could they have Mental Health Awareness Week and atually take it seriously? Where else could your kids root for a football team that has scored less than Pee-Wee Herman? And where else could you find full “condom drawers” in all the dormitory lounges? Saluting nothing in particular, the Band plays a politically-correct, extended remix version of Brown’s fight song.
“Brown Cheering Song” (Band forms a small ‘b’)
And now for a daily trivia question: which is the greater number, the population of China, the number of unemployed Brown graduates, or the number of yards given up by the Brown defense so far this season? We don’t have the answers - we just ask the questions.
And now for the
- Ever-popular,
- Multi-cultural,
- Wash behind your ears,
- Non-discriminatory,
- Post-lapsarian,
- non -Eurocentric,
- Deconstructionist,
- New World Order,
- Clean your room,
- Look both ways,
- Thanks for the T-shirt Louie’s Restaurant,
- Our jackets aren’t ugly 0 we’re just aesthetically challenged,
- Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
Your attention please: would the Brown band please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a simple and straightforward look at happenings at Brown, using small words, so the Brown students can follow along. “Princeton Forward” It has come to our attention that Brown University has changed its team’s name from the “Bruins” to the “Bears,” in response to student’s inability to grapple with large words. Other ideas that were considered include:
a) The Brown Bags
b) The Big Brown
c) Dick run. Run Dick, run!
d) The Brown Ees
e) The Brown Tide
f) The Brown Band
Because of these same problems with polysyllabic words, the state of Rhode Island has decided to change the name “Providence” to “Uhhh.” Forming ‘UH’ on the field, the Band salutes the average bubble-headed Brown student and plays “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles.” “
I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” (Band forms ‘UH’)
Another sweeping change at Brown this year is the abolition of the coed bathrooms. Now Brown students will just have to meet their dates somewhere else. Other unanticipated problems have also developed. Due to mounting confusion, the Brown band doesn’t know which one to go into. To remedy the situation, the University is offering a new course, “SEX 101: What You Are.” Also, to alleviate accusations of hermaphrophobia, the administration has decided to add a third type of bathroom for the Brown band. Forming the new symbol on the door, the Band plays “I Hear You Knocking, But You Can’t Come In.”
“I Hear You Knocking” (Band forms a question mark)
Speaking of confusion, Ivy League football looks pretty complicated this year, so we asked those guys from Saturday Night Live what they thought of the situation.
1: Who do you think is da worst team in the Ivy League dis year?
2: Da Bears.
1: But what if dey had Joe Montana, Dick Butkiss, and God?
2: Well…would Ditka coach?
1: Yeah.
2: I still gotta go with…a loss for da Bears.
1: But what if they were playing a team made up of Nelson Mandella, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, and Brooke Shields as tight end — who do ya think would lose?
2: Da Bears.
1: Well, who do ya think is gonna win today’s game?
2: Da Tigers!
1: Why are we so blessed?
“Tiger Rag” (Band forms a ‘T’)
And now for a band playing songs by dead white male authors….
