Brown 1992
Princeton vs. Brown
October 10th, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, entering the filed like Serbian planes in a U.N. no-fly zone, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song” followed by Cadence Four
We’d like to welcome all those students from Brown who came here today rather than take the Graduate Record Exam. ETS has authorized us to administer this make-up exam.
Princeton is to Brown, as:
“Brown Cheering Song” (Band forms a small ‘b’)
And now: Wuv and Mawwidge. We’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate drummer Mark Hontz ‘89 on his impending marriage to Band alumna Steph McConnell ‘92. Forming:
“Here Comes the Bride” rolls off into “Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating Wedding Bands)
And remember - Brown Band: nine letters. Cataclysm: nine letters. Think about it.
Halftime
The Princeton University Band would like to present some advice to help you survive Parents’ weekend.
“Princeton Forward”
Congratulations, all you freshman parents! You finally got the little rugrat out the door. For a mere $25,000 a year plus shipping and handling, your children don’t have to go to Brown! With this incredible deal, you receive one or more of the following:
But wait! There’s so much more. If you stay in the program for two years, you also get a further opportunity to be gouged by your eating club or starve as an independent! It’s not that bad, though…at least you can drown your sorrows every weekend on the Street.
“Basin Street Blues” (Band forms a basin)
Well, now that your loving parents are here, the Band would like to present you with some Do’s and Don’ts about how to treat them.
Saluting Stan from Community Liquors, the Band plays “Little Brown Jug.”
“Little Brown Jug” (Band forms a jug)
It’s important that your parents feel they’re getting their money’s worth from your Princeton education. But no matter what Princeton’s faults may be, at least it’s not Brown. You should make sure to remind them of the following facts:
“Jailhouse Rock” (Band forms a jail)
(Band forms a ’96’) But really, what have you learned so far at Princeton? The Band is sure that you’ve picked up a lot of extra knowledge outside of your classes, but it’s probably better that you don’t tell your parents about some of the skills you’ve been picking up, like your new-found skill in head-butting lamps, or that you’ve been named to represent Wilson College in the 1993 Nude Olympics. And certainly don’t let them find out that three-quarters of your phone bill is 900 numbers, and that half your U-Store bill is comic books and soft porn. And finally, don’t tell them that you’re dating faculty. But there’s one skill you’re certainly not in danger of using while you’re here. The Band would like to salute the Class of ’96 in its impossible mission.
“Mission Impossible” (The ’96’ changes to a ’69’)
October 10th, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, entering the filed like Serbian planes in a U.N. no-fly zone, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song” followed by Cadence Four
We’d like to welcome all those students from Brown who came here today rather than take the Graduate Record Exam. ETS has authorized us to administer this make-up exam.
Princeton is to Brown, as:
- Mahatma Gandhi is to Sadaam Hussein
- Eddie Van Halen is to Lawrence Welk
- Filet mignon is to lunch meat
- The Hyatt is to Motel 6
- Sabre toothed tigers are to gummy bears
- The Brown Band
“Brown Cheering Song” (Band forms a small ‘b’)
And now: Wuv and Mawwidge. We’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate drummer Mark Hontz ‘89 on his impending marriage to Band alumna Steph McConnell ‘92. Forming:
- The mother of all weddings,
- Princeton sure left its Mark on Steph,
- Drummers do it with rhythm,
- Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe,
- Dating your RA sure pays off,
- Hey Mark, nice wedding reception; be a shame if something were to… happen to it
- Eliza. Bachelor party. Cake. ‘nuff said.
- We suggest orange and black plaid tuxedos; they’re very stylish,
- Double-Double Rotating Wedding Bands!
“Here Comes the Bride” rolls off into “Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating Wedding Bands)
And remember - Brown Band: nine letters. Cataclysm: nine letters. Think about it.
Halftime
The Princeton University Band would like to present some advice to help you survive Parents’ weekend.
“Princeton Forward”
Congratulations, all you freshman parents! You finally got the little rugrat out the door. For a mere $25,000 a year plus shipping and handling, your children don’t have to go to Brown! With this incredible deal, you receive one or more of the following:
- a spacious dorm room complete with smelly roommate and roach motel!
- a U-Store card, good at thousands of U-Stores around the world!
- all the DFS flatware you can carry away!
- and the chance to learn exciting new social skills (engineers need not apply)
But wait! There’s so much more. If you stay in the program for two years, you also get a further opportunity to be gouged by your eating club or starve as an independent! It’s not that bad, though…at least you can drown your sorrows every weekend on the Street.
“Basin Street Blues” (Band forms a basin)
Well, now that your loving parents are here, the Band would like to present you with some Do’s and Don’ts about how to treat them.
- Do show them the Good Stuff package you got from Housing; do not show them the package you got from SECH.
- Do show them the fine architecture in the Chapel; do not show them Butler.
- Do introduce them to your advisor; do not introduce them to your dealer.
- Do show them all the interesting foliage in Prospect Garden; do not show them the interesting foliage growing in your dirty laundry.
- Do take them to visit your lecture hall in McCosh; do not take them to see your bed in McCosh.
- Do take them to meet George at the Haven; do not introduce them to Stan at Community Liquors.
Saluting Stan from Community Liquors, the Band plays “Little Brown Jug.”
“Little Brown Jug” (Band forms a jug)
It’s important that your parents feel they’re getting their money’s worth from your Princeton education. But no matter what Princeton’s faults may be, at least it’s not Brown. You should make sure to remind them of the following facts:
- At Princeton, you can’t major in Rock and Roll.
- McCosh doesn’t stock suicide pills.
- Princeton is not cutting academic departments.
- The town of Princeton is not run by the Mafia.
- Our school colors don’t sound like something that needs to be cleaned.
- Princeton is still need-blind.
- President Shapiro has not been seen watching movies with Pee Wee Herman.
- Elvis has been seen at Princeton.
“Jailhouse Rock” (Band forms a jail)
(Band forms a ’96’) But really, what have you learned so far at Princeton? The Band is sure that you’ve picked up a lot of extra knowledge outside of your classes, but it’s probably better that you don’t tell your parents about some of the skills you’ve been picking up, like your new-found skill in head-butting lamps, or that you’ve been named to represent Wilson College in the 1993 Nude Olympics. And certainly don’t let them find out that three-quarters of your phone bill is 900 numbers, and that half your U-Store bill is comic books and soft porn. And finally, don’t tell them that you’re dating faculty. But there’s one skill you’re certainly not in danger of using while you’re here. The Band would like to salute the Class of ’96 in its impossible mission.
“Mission Impossible” (The ’96’ changes to a ’69’)
