Brown 2000
Brown at Princeton
October 14th, 2000
Princeton wins 55-28
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, wishing a happy belated 75th birthday to the Brown Band, but reminding them to respect their elders, dag nabbit, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Oh, that Brown University. It seems like the courses have just gotten easier every year. Here are some selections from this fall’s course guide:
To get an ‘A’ in one of these courses, you just need to show up. To get a ‘C-,’ you just need to wake up-at least once a semester. And who gets an ‘F’? The Brown Band! Saluting a course that the Brown Band is sure to fail-Beirut for Beginners-the Band forms a little ‘b.’
(Band forms a small ‘b’ and plays “The Brown Cheering Song”)
And now, wishing the Brown Band a:
Foster’s, Australian for double-double-rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
(Band plays “The Star Spangled Banner”)
Halftime
And now, the reason you were afraid to send your kids to college, the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
The Princeton Band would like to welcome all the parents here for Freshman Parents Day. Here are some ways the University has been preparing for your arrival:
Forming a napalmed Prospect Street, the Band says, “Dude, I got bombed last night.”
(Band forms a street on which explosions appear and plays “Joshua”)
Unfortunately, when parents come to visit, not all freshmen tell them the whole story. Here are some lies we heard freshmen tell their visiting parents today:
Forming a mirth control pill, the Band goes down the tubes.
(Band forms a mirth control pill and plays “Children of Sanchez”)
But there’s someone even more special than the parents at today’s game. Former Dean of Student Life Janina Montero is in the audience! We did wonder, though, why she came all the way from her new position at Brown just to visit Princeton for a day. Here are some of the reasons we came up with:
Forming Holder Courtyard, the Band reveals the biggest upside to Janina’s presence today: No more of that troublesome fun!
(Band forms Holder Courtyard and plays “Stripper” while trash section runs wearing “CENSORED” signs.)
And no matter who wins, don’t forget to stop by the Woodrow Wilson fountain before you leave to watch the Princeton Band get wet and party down with the Brown Band.
October 14th, 2000
Princeton wins 55-28
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, wishing a happy belated 75th birthday to the Brown Band, but reminding them to respect their elders, dag nabbit, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Oh, that Brown University. It seems like the courses have just gotten easier every year. Here are some selections from this fall’s course guide:
- Breathing 101
- Advanced Topics in Computer Science: The On/Off Switch
- The Internet in the Late 1800’s
- Paint-By-Number for Non-Majors
- Legos for Maniacs
- Variations on Page-Turning
- Showering for Engineers
- And Advanced Potty Training, or Crapping for Credit.
To get an ‘A’ in one of these courses, you just need to show up. To get a ‘C-,’ you just need to wake up-at least once a semester. And who gets an ‘F’? The Brown Band! Saluting a course that the Brown Band is sure to fail-Beirut for Beginners-the Band forms a little ‘b.’
(Band forms a small ‘b’ and plays “The Brown Cheering Song”)
And now, wishing the Brown Band a:
- happy birthday,
- feliz cumpleaños,
- bon anniversaire,
- yom huledet sameach,
- feliz navidad,
- me-la-ka-li-ki-wa-ka,
- que sera, sera,
- coup d’etat,
- veni, vedi, vici,
- ohio gozaimas,
- ich bein ein Berlinner,
- rikki tikki tavi,
- Zaphod Beeblebrox,
- g’day mate,
- hakuna matata,
- Erin go bragh,
- e-thay uins-Bray uck-say ock-cay,
Foster’s, Australian for double-double-rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
(Band plays “The Star Spangled Banner”)
Halftime
And now, the reason you were afraid to send your kids to college, the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
The Princeton Band would like to welcome all the parents here for Freshman Parents Day. Here are some ways the University has been preparing for your arrival:
- They’ve taken down the statues of Satanic idols.
- They had Firestone Library recalled and replaced it with Goodyear Library.
- They’ve impounded all squirrels larger than 2 feet.
- They closed the hash bar.
- They gave us a day out of the work mines.
- They gave the engineers an ultimatum: Shower, or be showered.
- They capella’d the a capella groups.
- And their solution for Prospect Street? They napalmed the whole thing.
Forming a napalmed Prospect Street, the Band says, “Dude, I got bombed last night.”
(Band forms a street on which explosions appear and plays “Joshua”)
Unfortunately, when parents come to visit, not all freshmen tell them the whole story. Here are some lies we heard freshmen tell their visiting parents today:
- “It’s a coffee table, not a keg.”
- “Sure, I eat breakfast every day.”
- “Those squirrels were crucified when I got here.”
- “We’re only allowed to call home once a month.”
- “I don’t know why I’m out of tube socks.”
- “TI? No, I don’t know which one’s TI.”
- “The drinking age is 18 in New Jersey.”
- “No, no one finds the Band offensive.”
- “Of course I love you more than beer.”
- “Urban Action was lots of fun.”
- “MP3’s are perfectly legal.”
- “They only let seniors in the library.”
- “I speak with Toni Morrison every day.”
- “No, no, Sigma Alpha Epsilon is an engineering honor society.”
- And this morning, we heard one freshman say, “No, Mom, that’s a misprint — it’s mirth control pills. I don’t want to get too happy.”
Forming a mirth control pill, the Band goes down the tubes.
(Band forms a mirth control pill and plays “Children of Sanchez”)
But there’s someone even more special than the parents at today’s game. Former Dean of Student Life Janina Montero is in the audience! We did wonder, though, why she came all the way from her new position at Brown just to visit Princeton for a day. Here are some of the reasons we came up with:
- She came to pick up her Passport to the Arts.
- She was voted off Rhode Island.
- She just had to try a three-dollar fruit smoothie at the Beverage Lab.
- She’s trying to set the record for the long-distance ‘Wa run.
- She’s back to let us know she can really shake ’em down, now that she can dance.
- She heard there were some openings on the basketball team.
- Providence sent her to judge the righteous from the damned.
- She had to come back because she was improperly recruited.
- Two words: Edith’s Lingerie.
- She was afraid of New Englanders burning her at the stake.
- Another theory holds that Janina came back to visit her sisters, JaPinta and JaSantaMaria.
- But really, she came back to stand vigil in Holder Courtyard until the first snowfall.
Forming Holder Courtyard, the Band reveals the biggest upside to Janina’s presence today: No more of that troublesome fun!
(Band forms Holder Courtyard and plays “Stripper” while trash section runs wearing “CENSORED” signs.)
And no matter who wins, don’t forget to stop by the Woodrow Wilson fountain before you leave to watch the Princeton Band get wet and party down with the Brown Band.
