Brown 2002
Brown at Princeton
October 19th, 2002
Princeton wins 16-14
Pregame:
Ladies and Gentlemen, picketing onto the field like the Brown students we’re glad we’re not, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon”
In these troubled financial times, the Band has been reading the Wall Street Journal to see if our 401K is still worth enough to buy a pair of 501 Jeans. Lately we’ve noticed a new column in that prestigious paper, and here’s this week’s article, “Martha Stewart’s recipe for cooking the books” Ingredients:
Directions: Go out and buy two senators or if you’re short on cash, five (5) New Jersey congressmen, and mix vigorously in a crooked accounting firm. Put in stock market and let simmer for three months. Blend until smooth. Arrange tastefully on a bed of shredded documents. Serve cold with a subpoena and a side of denial. And don’t forget to finish off the meal with some J-A-I-L-O. Forming a little “B” for Brown, the Band reminds you, there’s always room for Jail.
(Band forms little ‘b’ and plays “Brown Cheering Song”)
And now, it’s the: Pi and only Army of Pi Pi Singular Sensation Pi is the loneliest number Pi way street This Pi time, at band camp Bet you can’t each just Pi Pi flew over the cuckoo’s nest Another Pi bites the dust You’re my Pi and only Win Pi for the Gipper Pi fine day Pi true love Pi life to live Pi if by land, 2 if by sea Double, Double, Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Live from the New York Tri-State Area, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Everyone knows we have a beautiful campus, but what you probably didn’t know is that many buildings at Princeton have an interesting history. For example:
Forming Nassau Hall, the Band reminds you, guns don’t kill people, duels kill people.
(Band forms Nassau Hall and plays “Peter Gunn”) (Cannonball hits the side of Nassau Hall at the end of the song)
Corporate sponsorship is everywhere these days, and with its endowment performing more poorly than usual, the University has decided to be sponsored by McDonald’s. We think there may be some changes around campus.
Forming Princeton’s new logo, the Band tells Brown to have it your way.
(Band forms a P that morphes into the Golden Arches and plays “Any Way You Want It”)
While we know that Brown students always like Happy Meals, we thought that there might be some other things that would them feel more at home here at Princeton.
Forming the new Center for Communism on campus, the Band tears the roof off the sucker.
(Band forms Marx Hall and plays “Tear the Roof Off the Sucker,” roof collapses)
Run away Band, it’s the disgruntled proletariat, and they’re Class of ’84.
October 19th, 2002
Princeton wins 16-14
Pregame:
Ladies and Gentlemen, picketing onto the field like the Brown students we’re glad we’re not, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon”
In these troubled financial times, the Band has been reading the Wall Street Journal to see if our 401K is still worth enough to buy a pair of 501 Jeans. Lately we’ve noticed a new column in that prestigious paper, and here’s this week’s article, “Martha Stewart’s recipe for cooking the books” Ingredients:
- 1 Corrupt CEO
- A pinch of plausible deniability
- 1/2 cup dillweed, for a bit of flavor
- 1 kilo smoked oregano
- A tall cool glass of governmental-ade, It’s a good thing.
Directions: Go out and buy two senators or if you’re short on cash, five (5) New Jersey congressmen, and mix vigorously in a crooked accounting firm. Put in stock market and let simmer for three months. Blend until smooth. Arrange tastefully on a bed of shredded documents. Serve cold with a subpoena and a side of denial. And don’t forget to finish off the meal with some J-A-I-L-O. Forming a little “B” for Brown, the Band reminds you, there’s always room for Jail.
(Band forms little ‘b’ and plays “Brown Cheering Song”)
And now, it’s the: Pi and only Army of Pi Pi Singular Sensation Pi is the loneliest number Pi way street This Pi time, at band camp Bet you can’t each just Pi Pi flew over the cuckoo’s nest Another Pi bites the dust You’re my Pi and only Win Pi for the Gipper Pi fine day Pi true love Pi life to live Pi if by land, 2 if by sea Double, Double, Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Live from the New York Tri-State Area, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Everyone knows we have a beautiful campus, but what you probably didn’t know is that many buildings at Princeton have an interesting history. For example:
- Spelman Hall was actually designed by Picasso in his triangle period.
- Prospect Gardens was the original Garden of Eden, but God (Class of Aught) got tired of replanting it every week.
- Cottage Club was originally a house of ill repute. Some things never change.
- Fine Hall was going to be called Great Hall, but upon seeing it the architects were underwhelmed.
- The Frist Campus Center was originally a laboratory where Albert Einstein worked.
- The cannon hole in Nassau Hall was inflicted by Aaron Burr Hall, though it was aiming at Hamilton.
Forming Nassau Hall, the Band reminds you, guns don’t kill people, duels kill people.
(Band forms Nassau Hall and plays “Peter Gunn”) (Cannonball hits the side of Nassau Hall at the end of the song)
Corporate sponsorship is everywhere these days, and with its endowment performing more poorly than usual, the University has decided to be sponsored by McDonald’s. We think there may be some changes around campus.
- Nassau Hall will become McDonald’s corporate headquarters, and the Alma Mater will be changed to Old McDonald.
- University workers will finally get a pay increase.
- Happy Meals will now include Prozac.
- Princeton’s motto will be changed to: “You’ve had your break today.”
- PUDS will become much healthier.
- Nassau Hall will open a drive-thru to speed the service of all nations.
- And finally, if Princeton becomes sponsored by McDonald’s, Brown students will have to settle for jobs at Burger King.
Forming Princeton’s new logo, the Band tells Brown to have it your way.
(Band forms a P that morphes into the Golden Arches and plays “Any Way You Want It”)
While we know that Brown students always like Happy Meals, we thought that there might be some other things that would them feel more at home here at Princeton.
- Allow 4 PDFs per student… per semester.
- Trim down New Jersey to include only the greater Trenton area.
- Camouflage the E-Quad as a nature preserve and replace the engineers with trees.
- Increase the number of assaults on campus.
- Increase the hash shipments to campus.
- The U-Store will introduce a new color: Hemp!
- All of our Nobel Prizes will be replaced by Darwin Awards.
- Marx Hall will be taken over by a disgruntled proletariat.
Forming the new Center for Communism on campus, the Band tears the roof off the sucker.
(Band forms Marx Hall and plays “Tear the Roof Off the Sucker,” roof collapses)
Run away Band, it’s the disgruntled proletariat, and they’re Class of ’84.