Brown 2006
Brown at Princeton
October 13th, 2006
Princeton wins 17-3
Pregame
Getting a bad case of the munchies, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Dude, did you know that Brown… is both a color… AND a SCHOOL?! Whoa….Whoa. Have you ever, like, felt music? I mean… really… felt it? The Brown Band made me feel so… yeeeaaahhh. Wow. So, if God… were, like, a color….could you, like… have a crayon… called GOD? Deeep. Dude. DUDE! Seriously, dude, did you just eat the last brownie. Not cool. Not. Cool. Man, it’s like….like a “b” …on the field. Put on some tunes, Band.
(Band forms small ‘b’ and plays “Brown Cheering Song”)
And now… Purple Haze Puff the Magic Dragon Eight Miles High Strawberry Fields Forever Mother’s Little Helper Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds Last Dance with Mary Jane White Rabbit Comfortably Numb, Casey Jones you’d better watch that Double-Double-Rotating-P!!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
And now, please rise for the playing of the National Anthem.
Halftime
I want my innocence back, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Forward)
It turns out that this whole instant messenger scandal was nothing more than a liberal media conspiracy to sully the good name of yet another virtuous Republican congressman. In response to such mudslinging, Rep. Foley’s staff has finally released explanations for some of the more seemingly egregious passages. In fact, the entire conversation references a stray puppy Foley found while rescuing a burning bus full of nuns and orphans and then gave to his page. So when he said “love to watch that, those great legs running,” he was merely expressing interest in visiting the dog. Sure, statements like “is your little guy growing?” and “get a ruler and measure it for me” sound bad, but again, it’s just an honest question about the pup. And “love to slip them off you” … and “um so a big bulge” … and “good so your getting horny” …. OK, nevermind. The guy’s sick. Forming a ruined political career, the Band plays Everybody Needs Somebody
(Band forms a shattered political career and plays “Everybody Needs Somebody”)
After years of being the butt-end of Ivy Band jokes and in the double-digits in the US News and World Reports rankings, it seems Brown has decided to cast off their academic malaise. The following is a new series of programs to Providence has enacted to try to boost their image:
The name of this new program of reforms is “Every Student Passes Now,” or ESPN. Saluting our erudite compatriots, the Band shows Brown how to avoid that troublesome Monday Night homework.
(Band forms “ESPN” and plays Monday Night Football Theme)
Run away, Band, before they realize this is a shameless attempt to get on Sports Center!
(Note: This game was televised on ESPNU)
October 13th, 2006
Princeton wins 17-3
Pregame
Getting a bad case of the munchies, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Dude, did you know that Brown… is both a color… AND a SCHOOL?! Whoa….Whoa. Have you ever, like, felt music? I mean… really… felt it? The Brown Band made me feel so… yeeeaaahhh. Wow. So, if God… were, like, a color….could you, like… have a crayon… called GOD? Deeep. Dude. DUDE! Seriously, dude, did you just eat the last brownie. Not cool. Not. Cool. Man, it’s like….like a “b” …on the field. Put on some tunes, Band.
(Band forms small ‘b’ and plays “Brown Cheering Song”)
And now… Purple Haze Puff the Magic Dragon Eight Miles High Strawberry Fields Forever Mother’s Little Helper Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds Last Dance with Mary Jane White Rabbit Comfortably Numb, Casey Jones you’d better watch that Double-Double-Rotating-P!!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
And now, please rise for the playing of the National Anthem.
Halftime
I want my innocence back, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Forward)
It turns out that this whole instant messenger scandal was nothing more than a liberal media conspiracy to sully the good name of yet another virtuous Republican congressman. In response to such mudslinging, Rep. Foley’s staff has finally released explanations for some of the more seemingly egregious passages. In fact, the entire conversation references a stray puppy Foley found while rescuing a burning bus full of nuns and orphans and then gave to his page. So when he said “love to watch that, those great legs running,” he was merely expressing interest in visiting the dog. Sure, statements like “is your little guy growing?” and “get a ruler and measure it for me” sound bad, but again, it’s just an honest question about the pup. And “love to slip them off you” … and “um so a big bulge” … and “good so your getting horny” …. OK, nevermind. The guy’s sick. Forming a ruined political career, the Band plays Everybody Needs Somebody
(Band forms a shattered political career and plays “Everybody Needs Somebody”)
After years of being the butt-end of Ivy Band jokes and in the double-digits in the US News and World Reports rankings, it seems Brown has decided to cast off their academic malaise. The following is a new series of programs to Providence has enacted to try to boost their image:
- The University’s name will change from “Brown” to “Rich Mahogany”
- Classes will now include readings and, in extreme cases, lectures
- The faculty will double in size to four professors
- The Brown Bear mascot will now feature spectacles and a pocket protector
- Books without pictures will finally be allowed in the library
- The Brown Band will be replaced with chainsaw-wielding howler monkeys
- Graduation rates will be tripled by removing the “fail” option from pass/fail.
The name of this new program of reforms is “Every Student Passes Now,” or ESPN. Saluting our erudite compatriots, the Band shows Brown how to avoid that troublesome Monday Night homework.
(Band forms “ESPN” and plays Monday Night Football Theme)
Run away, Band, before they realize this is a shameless attempt to get on Sports Center!
(Note: This game was televised on ESPNU)
