Brown 2008
Brown at Princeton
October 18th, 2008
Princeton loses 10-31
Pregame
Defending their 94-game undefeated streak against Brown, it’s the Princeton University Band!!
[Band scrambles onto the field]
With the Presidential debates on primetime TV, a lot of attention has been given to important issues that deeply affect the average American. Issues such as Joe the Plumber. However, there are a few things you may not know about Joe the Plumber. For example:
If there’s one clog that Joe the Plumber can’t fix, it’s the one formed by all the crud that’s accumulated over the past 8 years. Forming a “B” for “Bush’s incompetence”, the Band plays “Brown Cheering Song.”
[Band forms Script B, plays “Brown Cheering Song”]
And now: Brown Bears Charlie Brown Brown Recluse Spiders Barack Obama Apple Brown Betty Count Chocula Fozzy Bear Pumpernickel UPS Richard Pryor M & M…s Packed Fudge Mr. Hankey The Cleveland Browns And the double-double Rotating P!!…iece of Band!!!
[Band forms double-double Rotating P, plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”]
And now, please rise for the National Anthem. [Band plays “Star-Spangled Banner”]
Remember, If it’s Brown, flush it down. If it’s Orange, seek medical attention!
Halftime
Hi, Mom!! It’s the Princeton University Band!! With special guest stars, the Tree Street Twirlers!!
[Band marches onto the field, playing Princeton Forward March]
Recently, President Shirley Tilghman became a founding trustee of the King Abdullah University of Science and Technology in Saudi Arabia. While there, President Tilghman developed some policies that she is now planning to enact on Princeton’s campus. For example:
Saluting the new funding plan, the Band forms a magic lamp and plays “Friend Like Me.”
[Band forms Magic Lamp, plays “Friend Like Me”]
One night, while the band was searching for a special midnight rendezvous, we stumbled across a personal ad taken out by an entity described only as “Brown University”. Some of the more interesting bits of information in the personal were:
Forming a telephone, the band reminds Brown that if no one answers your ad, you can always “Call Me.”
[Band forms telephone, plays “Call Me.”]
Run away, Band! The Brown Band wants a second date!
October 18th, 2008
Princeton loses 10-31
Pregame
Defending their 94-game undefeated streak against Brown, it’s the Princeton University Band!!
[Band scrambles onto the field]
With the Presidential debates on primetime TV, a lot of attention has been given to important issues that deeply affect the average American. Issues such as Joe the Plumber. However, there are a few things you may not know about Joe the Plumber. For example:
- He’s actually Joe Sixpack’s civilian alter ego
- He’s not actually a licensed plumber… But he’s got his doctorate in laying pipe
- He’s the father of Bristol Palin’s baby
- The only reason Joe the plumber is involved in the campaign is because he believes that Barack Obama is the Koopa King
- He lost a leg battling a particularly large clog in Drew Carey’s toilet
- He’s a real maverick who isn’t afraid to get all mavericky on his problems
If there’s one clog that Joe the Plumber can’t fix, it’s the one formed by all the crud that’s accumulated over the past 8 years. Forming a “B” for “Bush’s incompetence”, the Band plays “Brown Cheering Song.”
[Band forms Script B, plays “Brown Cheering Song”]
And now: Brown Bears Charlie Brown Brown Recluse Spiders Barack Obama Apple Brown Betty Count Chocula Fozzy Bear Pumpernickel UPS Richard Pryor M & M…s Packed Fudge Mr. Hankey The Cleveland Browns And the double-double Rotating P!!…iece of Band!!!
[Band forms double-double Rotating P, plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”]
And now, please rise for the National Anthem. [Band plays “Star-Spangled Banner”]
Remember, If it’s Brown, flush it down. If it’s Orange, seek medical attention!
Halftime
Hi, Mom!! It’s the Princeton University Band!! With special guest stars, the Tree Street Twirlers!!
[Band marches onto the field, playing Princeton Forward March]
Recently, President Shirley Tilghman became a founding trustee of the King Abdullah University of Science and Technology in Saudi Arabia. While there, President Tilghman developed some policies that she is now planning to enact on Princeton’s campus. For example:
- All students will be required to make a pilgrimage to Forbes
- Lake Carnegie will be outfitted with oil-drilling platforms
- It will now be illegal to drink alcohol on campus
- The NES program will be upgraded to the Super NES program
- Waffle bars will be replaced with falafel bars
- Anatomy and physiology classes will now be taught with colorful, tessellating patterns instead of images of humans
- Public Safety’s Segways will be replaced with magic carpets
- Instead of relying on alumni donations for additional funding, all mysterious lamps will be purchased and then thoroughly rubbed
Saluting the new funding plan, the Band forms a magic lamp and plays “Friend Like Me.”
[Band forms Magic Lamp, plays “Friend Like Me”]
One night, while the band was searching for a special midnight rendezvous, we stumbled across a personal ad taken out by an entity described only as “Brown University”. Some of the more interesting bits of information in the personal were:
- Age: 244, but 219 at heart
- Height: High
- Eyes: Bloodshot
- Seeking: Males and Females ages 18-22. Must have an open, inquisitive mind with special interest in baking, horticulture, and hydroponics. Please, no smokers. Just kidding!
- Standards: Will not deny anyone. Really! I’m desperate!
- Ideal First Date: Going to a Grateful dead concert, staring deep into each others’ hands, then taking a short walk across the state
- Me: Compensates for a small endowment with lots of personality
- You: Don’t worry about being a perfect 4.0, my standards are more of a Pass-Fail sort of scale
Forming a telephone, the band reminds Brown that if no one answers your ad, you can always “Call Me.”
[Band forms telephone, plays “Call Me.”]
Run away, Band! The Brown Band wants a second date!
