Brown 2010
Brown at Princeton
October 16, 2010
Princeton loses 13-17
Pregame:
Hey Brown Band, do you want to see something swell? It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Recently, Brett Favre sent a racy picture message to a woman he was trying to court. Needless to say, it was not well received. Mr. Favre isn’t the only celebrity who is having trouble in the dating world these days. Many famous people have been using less than ideal pick-up lines.
(Band forms Script B, and plays “Brown Cheering Song”)
And now, Paddington, Smokey, Rupert, Yogi, Baloo, Little, Mama, Papa, Brother, The Berensteins, Corduroy, Teddy, Iorek, Pedo, Bjorn, Mike Ditka, Gentle Ben, Mr. Grylls, Gummy, Snuggles, And a Double-Double-Rotating-Pooh!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
And now, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
(Band plays “Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run Away Band, Brett Favre is coming and he’s got his camera phone.
Halftime:
Erupting onto the field like Diet Coke and Mentos, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Over the past week, the Band has noticed some pretty unique tactics for garnering votes in the Class of 2014 presidential election. We have some suggestions for ways to run a more effective campaign:
(Band forms a box with a checkmark, and plays Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves)
Hey Special Brownies – Are you tired of those annoying As and messy pluses all over your transcript? Are you sick and tired of your parents heaping on adulation, rewards, and respect for all of those As? We thought so, and boy have we got a solution for you!
Introducing… grade deflation – the fool proof solution to all your inflated GPA problems!
A standard issue grade deflation package includes: 5 all nighters, 12 5-hour energy shots, and a sinking feeling that you should have gone to a state school. You’re guaranteed at least 2 Bs, 5 Cs, and 1 D. If you make your purchase in the next 10 minutes, we’ll throw in an extra D. <That’s right, you get double Ds!> (cut, replaced with) we’ll double your Ds!
Here’s a testimonial from converted Brown Student, Wemma Hotson ’13. She is not a paid actress. “It was last year when I first started getting uncontrollable numbers of As. I soon began to miss the damp feeling on my pillow from crying myself to sleep. I tried not doing assignments, taking herbal supplements, and stalking celebrity students all day, but nothing worked. Then a friend suggested I try grade deflation. I saw results in just 6 weeks. I’ve lost inches off my GPA.”
Order now and grade deflation can be yours for three easy payments of 19.99. That’s right, 19.99. If you call in the next 10 minutes, we’ll throw in a Shake Weight, absolutely free!
Possible side effects of grade inflation may include: nausea, vomiting, loss of employment prospects, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, and dishonor on your whole family.
Act now, this offer is not available in stores!
Cramming for our next exam, the band forms our expected grade and plays “Darn It.”
(Band forms a F+, plays “Dammit”)
Run Away Band, the Brown Band wants to try out our Shake Weights.
October 16, 2010
Princeton loses 13-17
Pregame:
Hey Brown Band, do you want to see something swell? It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Recently, Brett Favre sent a racy picture message to a woman he was trying to court. Needless to say, it was not well received. Mr. Favre isn’t the only celebrity who is having trouble in the dating world these days. Many famous people have been using less than ideal pick-up lines.
- James Franco introduces himself as “Franco, James Franco”
- Mark Zuckerberg asks, “Do you want to see a movie? …about me?”
- Lindsey Lohan observes, “Hey, you were looking good in rehab last week.”
- Chuck Norris doesn’t ask people on dates, dates ask Chuck Norris on people.
- Kate Goselin invites people to make +9.
- Leonardo Decaprio declares “Pinch me, I must be dreaming.”
- Donald Trump announces, “You’re hired!”
- Steve Urkel cops a feel and exclaims, “Did I do that?”
(Band forms Script B, and plays “Brown Cheering Song”)
And now, Paddington, Smokey, Rupert, Yogi, Baloo, Little, Mama, Papa, Brother, The Berensteins, Corduroy, Teddy, Iorek, Pedo, Bjorn, Mike Ditka, Gentle Ben, Mr. Grylls, Gummy, Snuggles, And a Double-Double-Rotating-Pooh!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
And now, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
(Band plays “Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run Away Band, Brett Favre is coming and he’s got his camera phone.
Halftime:
Erupting onto the field like Diet Coke and Mentos, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Over the past week, the Band has noticed some pretty unique tactics for garnering votes in the Class of 2014 presidential election. We have some suggestions for ways to run a more effective campaign:
- Try to hug every member of your class. Don’t take no for an answer. Also, don’t take mace for an answer.
- <When selecting a campaign headshot, girls should try to get a pic with a cute smile and good cleavage. Guys should also try to get a good cleavage shot.> (cut)
- Post on PrincetonFML: “I hooked up with I had to sit next to [insert opponent’s name here] in precept and he had the worse body odor of my life. FML.”
- In order to jumpstart your political career, make a bid to become the mayor of a small Alaskan town. If that fails, become the mayor on Foursquare.
- <Hook up with> (cut, replaced with) Get to know Band Announcer Joseph McMahan ’13, and get your name announced at a football game.
- Raise eyebrows around campus by printing steamy x-rated business cards. (cut)
- Poster the campus advertising your SAT scores, AP scores, and full-ride scholarship letter to Brown. Actually, leave that last one out, that’s too embarrassing.
- To get that coveted upperclassman vote, go door-to-door in the carrels.
- <Streak the field…right now.> (cut)
- Seduce the person most likely to become Elections Manager after the current one resigns in disgrace.
(Band forms a box with a checkmark, and plays Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves)
Hey Special Brownies – Are you tired of those annoying As and messy pluses all over your transcript? Are you sick and tired of your parents heaping on adulation, rewards, and respect for all of those As? We thought so, and boy have we got a solution for you!
Introducing… grade deflation – the fool proof solution to all your inflated GPA problems!
A standard issue grade deflation package includes: 5 all nighters, 12 5-hour energy shots, and a sinking feeling that you should have gone to a state school. You’re guaranteed at least 2 Bs, 5 Cs, and 1 D. If you make your purchase in the next 10 minutes, we’ll throw in an extra D. <That’s right, you get double Ds!> (cut, replaced with) we’ll double your Ds!
Here’s a testimonial from converted Brown Student, Wemma Hotson ’13. She is not a paid actress. “It was last year when I first started getting uncontrollable numbers of As. I soon began to miss the damp feeling on my pillow from crying myself to sleep. I tried not doing assignments, taking herbal supplements, and stalking celebrity students all day, but nothing worked. Then a friend suggested I try grade deflation. I saw results in just 6 weeks. I’ve lost inches off my GPA.”
Order now and grade deflation can be yours for three easy payments of 19.99. That’s right, 19.99. If you call in the next 10 minutes, we’ll throw in a Shake Weight, absolutely free!
Possible side effects of grade inflation may include: nausea, vomiting, loss of employment prospects, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, and dishonor on your whole family.
Act now, this offer is not available in stores!
Cramming for our next exam, the band forms our expected grade and plays “Darn It.”
(Band forms a F+, plays “Dammit”)
Run Away Band, the Brown Band wants to try out our Shake Weights.