Bucknell 1990
Princeton vs. Bucknell
October 13th, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band presents the Great American Rain Dance.
(Band scrambles onto the field)
We interrupt this pregame show to bring you a special announcement. The part of Student Conductor, normally played by Kelvin “The Pelvis” Lee is being played today by our musical advisor Jack “Hotfoot” Hontz. When Kelvin heard that we were visiting Bucknell today, he decided to blow it off. Way to go, Kelvin. We’re pleased to welcome Jack to his debut on the football field, and salute his years with the Band.
A solo trombone plays “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” (Band forms a small ‘j’)
Hey Jack… do I smell something burning? Quick, Band, put it out! (Water balloons are thrown.)
And now, for the only Band available in a spray can, it’s the
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Single Non-Rotating P)
And remember, Jack: You’re not a hostage, you’re a guest.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at blunders throughout the ages.
“Princeton Forward”
Blunders, errors, foul-ups, screw-ups…they happen all the time. The first blunder in history was committed by Adam and Eve, of course. They weren’t satisfied with eternal bliss under the watchful eye of a benevolent God. No, they had to go to the local Garden of Eden McDonalds and order a delicious, but forbidden, hot apple pie. Thus not only did they fall from grace, but they burned the roofs of their mouths in the process. Forming an apple on the field, the Band salutes the biggest forbidden fruit east of Eden.
“New York, New York” (Band forms an apple)
Getting run out of the Garden of Eden wasn’t half as dumb as running into the Valley of Death. Everyone knows that the Charge of the Light Brigade was a pretty stupid maneuver. The British army had the same strategy as the Bucknell football team: let’s run it up the middle, they’ll never expect that! (“Splat!”) Five hundred brave soldiers had to die for the British army to learn, once and for all, that Crimea doesn’t pay.
“Underdog” (Band forms a cannon)
Speaking of blunders, how about NASA. Lately, it has had problems probing the heavens. Take the Hubble Space Telescope: Mirror, mirror in the scope, whoever made you smoked some dope. You weave and wobble in the sky, your engineer must have been high. Your mirror is cracked, your lens is broke; he must have taken another toke. It is for you we play this tune: By the Light of the Silvery Moon.
“By the Light of the Silvery Moon” (Band forms crescent moon)
Just who is Nell, anyway?
October 13th, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band presents the Great American Rain Dance.
(Band scrambles onto the field)
We interrupt this pregame show to bring you a special announcement. The part of Student Conductor, normally played by Kelvin “The Pelvis” Lee is being played today by our musical advisor Jack “Hotfoot” Hontz. When Kelvin heard that we were visiting Bucknell today, he decided to blow it off. Way to go, Kelvin. We’re pleased to welcome Jack to his debut on the football field, and salute his years with the Band.
A solo trombone plays “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” (Band forms a small ‘j’)
Hey Jack… do I smell something burning? Quick, Band, put it out! (Water balloons are thrown.)
And now, for the only Band available in a spray can, it’s the
- Contents under pressure,
- Do not puncture or incinerate,
- Shake well before use,
- Avoid spraying in eyes,
- Not intended for internal consumption,
- May cause discoloration,
- Use only in well-ventilated areas,
- Not recommended for children under ten years of age,
- If irritation occurs, discontinue use and contact a physician,
- Flammable band; exposure to temperatures above 120 degrees may cause bursting,
- Now available in a pump,
- It’s the environmentally safe, Single-Single Non-Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Single Non-Rotating P)
And remember, Jack: You’re not a hostage, you’re a guest.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at blunders throughout the ages.
“Princeton Forward”
Blunders, errors, foul-ups, screw-ups…they happen all the time. The first blunder in history was committed by Adam and Eve, of course. They weren’t satisfied with eternal bliss under the watchful eye of a benevolent God. No, they had to go to the local Garden of Eden McDonalds and order a delicious, but forbidden, hot apple pie. Thus not only did they fall from grace, but they burned the roofs of their mouths in the process. Forming an apple on the field, the Band salutes the biggest forbidden fruit east of Eden.
“New York, New York” (Band forms an apple)
Getting run out of the Garden of Eden wasn’t half as dumb as running into the Valley of Death. Everyone knows that the Charge of the Light Brigade was a pretty stupid maneuver. The British army had the same strategy as the Bucknell football team: let’s run it up the middle, they’ll never expect that! (“Splat!”) Five hundred brave soldiers had to die for the British army to learn, once and for all, that Crimea doesn’t pay.
“Underdog” (Band forms a cannon)
Speaking of blunders, how about NASA. Lately, it has had problems probing the heavens. Take the Hubble Space Telescope: Mirror, mirror in the scope, whoever made you smoked some dope. You weave and wobble in the sky, your engineer must have been high. Your mirror is cracked, your lens is broke; he must have taken another toke. It is for you we play this tune: By the Light of the Silvery Moon.
“By the Light of the Silvery Moon” (Band forms crescent moon)
Just who is Nell, anyway?
