Bucknell 2011
Bucknell at Princeton
September 24th, 2011
Princeton loses 9-34
Pregame:
Hi Mr. Stella! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on)
Researchers at the CERN lab in Geneva have reported finding a particle faster than the speed of light, potentially undermining many assumptions about physics. But that’s not the only scientific theory that is about to be contradicted. The Band has the inside scoop:
In these times of uncertainty, there’s only one thing we really know for sure: the Power Rangers are super awesome.
Forming a B for boyhood heroes, the band plays “Power Rangers.”
And now…
Bop it
Twist it
Tickle it
Caress it
Flick it
Rub it
Squeeze it
Spin it
Lick it
Kiss it
Pull it
And double-double-rotating-pass it!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
(Band plays “The Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run away, band. Why? BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT’S WHY!
Halftime:
Already failing our classes, it’s the Princeton University Band. Featuring the far more talented Tree Street Twirlers!
(Band marches on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
Over the summer, the University formally decided to ban members of the class of 2016 from rushing fraternities and sororities during their freshman year. So, in accordance with noted fratstar Isaac Newton’s 3rd law of brotion, every decrease in hazing must be counteracted with an equal increase. As such, the Band has decided to pick up the slack by starting to institute some “bonding” activities for our freshman members. Here are our plans.
Forming a paddle, the Band plays “I’ll Make a Man out of You.”
Thank you sir, may I have another…joke?
The Band didn’t really know too much about our opponent today, so we looked up “Bucknell” on Wikipedia. It seems like they really like the word “Buck.” Either that, or someone with an amazing sense of humor edited the page. Here’s what we read:
Bucknell University was founded in 1666, by Bucky the Vampire Slayer. It was voted the 5th best private school in terms of bang for the buck. They use their endowment of 500 million buckaroos to help their aspiring swashbucklers buck up into the world. They calculate their GPA on a 10-point…scale. They have a high-quality study abroad program with The Ohio State University. Go Buckeyes! Athletics are also a powerhouse of the Buck 10 conference. Traditionally, after a bucktory, the fans engage in a tradition called “mounting the bison.” However, this was discontinued after someone kicked the bucket. And impressive alumni include Bucky Holly, Buck Rogers, and Buckwheat. All in all, it sounds like you would have to be a bucket case to go near this place. Forming a bucket, the band plays Bucket case.
(Band forms bucket, plays “Basket Case”)
Run away band! The buck stops here.
September 24th, 2011
Princeton loses 9-34
Pregame:
Hi Mr. Stella! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on)
Researchers at the CERN lab in Geneva have reported finding a particle faster than the speed of light, potentially undermining many assumptions about physics. But that’s not the only scientific theory that is about to be contradicted. The Band has the inside scoop:
- Gravity says that every object is attracted to all other objects, which is true, except for black licorice. That stuff is nasty.
- Coincidentally, evolution was disproved by Michelle Bachman’s mere existence. How could she be naturally selected for?
- Inertia says that a body at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by external forces, but when you rest by going to sleep, you always wake up! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?!
In these times of uncertainty, there’s only one thing we really know for sure: the Power Rangers are super awesome.
Forming a B for boyhood heroes, the band plays “Power Rangers.”
And now…
Bop it
Twist it
Tickle it
Caress it
Flick it
Rub it
Squeeze it
Spin it
Lick it
Kiss it
Pull it
And double-double-rotating-pass it!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
(Band plays “The Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run away, band. Why? BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT’S WHY!
Halftime:
Already failing our classes, it’s the Princeton University Band. Featuring the far more talented Tree Street Twirlers!
(Band marches on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
Over the summer, the University formally decided to ban members of the class of 2016 from rushing fraternities and sororities during their freshman year. So, in accordance with noted fratstar Isaac Newton’s 3rd law of brotion, every decrease in hazing must be counteracted with an equal increase. As such, the Band has decided to pick up the slack by starting to institute some “bonding” activities for our freshman members. Here are our plans.
- Swallow a whole goldfish…cracker. It’s pretty traumatizing when it smiles back at you.
- Leave freshmen in a scary place in the middle of nowhere, like Lewisburg, Pennsylvania.
- Subject them to aural torture by letting a bagpipes player into the Band.
Forming a paddle, the Band plays “I’ll Make a Man out of You.”
Thank you sir, may I have another…joke?
The Band didn’t really know too much about our opponent today, so we looked up “Bucknell” on Wikipedia. It seems like they really like the word “Buck.” Either that, or someone with an amazing sense of humor edited the page. Here’s what we read:
Bucknell University was founded in 1666, by Bucky the Vampire Slayer. It was voted the 5th best private school in terms of bang for the buck. They use their endowment of 500 million buckaroos to help their aspiring swashbucklers buck up into the world. They calculate their GPA on a 10-point…scale. They have a high-quality study abroad program with The Ohio State University. Go Buckeyes! Athletics are also a powerhouse of the Buck 10 conference. Traditionally, after a bucktory, the fans engage in a tradition called “mounting the bison.” However, this was discontinued after someone kicked the bucket. And impressive alumni include Bucky Holly, Buck Rogers, and Buckwheat. All in all, it sounds like you would have to be a bucket case to go near this place. Forming a bucket, the band plays Bucket case.
(Band forms bucket, plays “Basket Case”)
Run away band! The buck stops here.