Colgate 2001
Colgate at Princeton
October 6th, 2001
Princeton loses 10-35
Pregame:
4 out of 5 Dentists Agree – It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band Plays Cannon)
In an effort to spice up campus life, The Colgate trustees hired George Lucas to make some changes. First, he changed their mascot to the Red Raiders – Of the Lost Ark, but that’s not the only change he made.
Saluting Colgate’s star Player, the band forms a little c.
(Band forms Little c and plays Fight, Fight, Fight) And now, passing through the
…it’s the Double – Double – Rotating P!
(Band plays Going Back) (Band plays Star Spangled Banner)
Run away band, it’s Mark McGwire and he’s mad as hell.
Halftime
Rumbling onto the field like that backhoe outside your window … It’s The Princeton University Band
(Band Plays Princeton Forward)
We couldn’t help but notice the amount of construction going on around campus. As long as there is so much expansion going on, the band has some suggestions about what should be built next.
Showcasing our endowment, the band forms an erected sundial and plays Great Balls of Fire.
(Band forms a sundial and plays Great Balls of Fire)
Although it’s much less visible than the construction, the campus mail system has also undergone a lot of renovation. The first step was made when the staff of gorillas in the mailroom was replaced with chimpanzees. After discovering the chimps couldn’t read, we decided to hire Hahvahd grads then promptly switched back to chimps. Another switch to human beings was eventually successful, but due to a bureaucratic error, the workers were paid in bananas for over a decade. The mail system was further stimulated in the 70s with the introduction of the female system, bringing service to it’s current level. Since the 70s however, progress has stalled. In order to overcome this, the band suggests that the workers stop sampling all the Timothy Leary commemorative stamps. Forming a stamp the band invites the mail service to tune in, turn on, and drop out.
(Band forms a psychedelic stamp and plays White Rabbit)
Speaking of inefficient systems take the borough police (Please, No, Really). Recently the borough police have begun devoting more time to cracking down on Prospect Avenue. Here are our suggestions for better ways for them to spend their time.
Experimenting with our own handcuffs the band plays, Hold on I’m Coming.
(Band forms handcuffs and plays Hold on I’m Coming)
Run away band it’s the borough police and they’ve got too much time on their hands.
October 6th, 2001
Princeton loses 10-35
Pregame:
4 out of 5 Dentists Agree – It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band Plays Cannon)
In an effort to spice up campus life, The Colgate trustees hired George Lucas to make some changes. First, he changed their mascot to the Red Raiders – Of the Lost Ark, but that’s not the only change he made.
- Campus Police were replaced with Stormtroopers
- Baby snakes and Chilled monkey brains found their way into the dining hall
- Large Boulders were placed in the library to protect Rare Books
- The health center was replaced with the cup of eternal life
- Yoda was installed as the head of the RJTC – Reserve Jedi Training Corps
- And the basketball team expects great things from their new center – Chewbacca.
Saluting Colgate’s star Player, the band forms a little c.
(Band forms Little c and plays Fight, Fight, Fight) And now, passing through the
- Pearly
- Water
- Bill
- Cole
- Tail
- Fitzrandolph
- Star
- Golden
- Brandenburg
- Starting
- Logic
- Rusty
- Flood
…it’s the Double – Double – Rotating P!
(Band plays Going Back) (Band plays Star Spangled Banner)
Run away band, it’s Mark McGwire and he’s mad as hell.
Halftime
Rumbling onto the field like that backhoe outside your window … It’s The Princeton University Band
(Band Plays Princeton Forward)
We couldn’t help but notice the amount of construction going on around campus. As long as there is so much expansion going on, the band has some suggestions about what should be built next.
- The Bradley-Nader-Forbes center for losing gracefully
- Another overpriced coffee shop
- WA 2
- Replace the Woody Woo fountain with a Ball Pit
- A statue of Princeton’s Soul to be sold to the highest bidder
- A Grad Student petting zoo
- An affordable bookstore
- Oval with points 2, or Nixon’s Tricky Dick
- And, Showcase our growing endowment by erecting a larger Butler Sundial
Showcasing our endowment, the band forms an erected sundial and plays Great Balls of Fire.
(Band forms a sundial and plays Great Balls of Fire)
Although it’s much less visible than the construction, the campus mail system has also undergone a lot of renovation. The first step was made when the staff of gorillas in the mailroom was replaced with chimpanzees. After discovering the chimps couldn’t read, we decided to hire Hahvahd grads then promptly switched back to chimps. Another switch to human beings was eventually successful, but due to a bureaucratic error, the workers were paid in bananas for over a decade. The mail system was further stimulated in the 70s with the introduction of the female system, bringing service to it’s current level. Since the 70s however, progress has stalled. In order to overcome this, the band suggests that the workers stop sampling all the Timothy Leary commemorative stamps. Forming a stamp the band invites the mail service to tune in, turn on, and drop out.
(Band forms a psychedelic stamp and plays White Rabbit)
Speaking of inefficient systems take the borough police (Please, No, Really). Recently the borough police have begun devoting more time to cracking down on Prospect Avenue. Here are our suggestions for better ways for them to spend their time.
- Protecting and serving the people
- Keeping an eye on Princeton Township police
- Increasing doughnut runs 5000%
- Synchronized night stick twirling
- Partying on the street
- Trimming the Chia Pets outside the Stadium
- Making prank 9-1-1 calls
- Enforcing noise ordinances against construction projects
- stopping drunk Driving
- Enforcing anti-trust laws against the U-Store
- Obtaining search warrants BEFORE entering private residences
- Teaching K-9 unit to catch a frisbee
- And, experimenting with creative uses of Handcuffs
Experimenting with our own handcuffs the band plays, Hold on I’m Coming.
(Band forms handcuffs and plays Hold on I’m Coming)
Run away band it’s the borough police and they’ve got too much time on their hands.