Colgate 2002
Colgate at Princeton
October 12th, 2002
Princeton wins 14-10
Pregame:
How you doin’? It’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We’ve had classes for quite a while now, so we’ve had plenty of time to watch the sludge that passes for television these days. Leading the charge is FOX, and here are some of their specials that haven’t yet made it on the air.
Revealing our greatest nuclear secrets, the band forms a little “c” for Chernobyl.
(Band forms little “c” and plays “Fight Fight Fight”)
And now, winning the Nobel Prize like:
It’s the Double, Double, rotating P!
(Band forms Double, Double, rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Charging onto the field because they don’t have any Paw Points, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Ah yes, it’s Parents Weekend, and the Band thinks that instead of going to University sponsored events, parents should follow our advice. Start out by visiting all the beautiful green open spaces around campus. Stop by for a cold one in the Beverage Lab, and then stop by for another cold one in the cryogenics lab. Take a dip in the Woody Woo fountain, have a bite to eat in the rotating restaurant on the 13th floor of Fine Hall, and talk to one of the many conservative students. Visit John Nash, in his little cage, and then go to the UFO special late night porn extravaganza. Wake up bright and early to the peace and quiet outside your window, and stroll through the new Genomics building. Finally, have dinner at Ivy. They’re always open. Forming the most visible group at Ivy, the band reminds you, please don’t feed the Pi Phi’s.
(Band forms a Pi Phi and plays “She’s Not There”)
If you want to put your finger on the pulse of campus life, read the Prince… you’ll find it’s pretty weak. Here are some recent headlines we found:
Forming a folded Prince, the band suggests an alternate news source.
(Band forms a folded paper-airplane Prince and plays “Washington Post March”)
While sifting through spring break and egg donor ads, we found the following ads for guest lecturers.
Forming a game of strategery, the Band reminds the President that Darryl Strawberry thought he could improve his game as well.
(Band forms a 4-square chess board and plays “White Rabbit”)
Look out Band, it’s George Bush, and he may have gotten that last joke.
October 12th, 2002
Princeton wins 14-10
Pregame:
How you doin’? It’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We’ve had classes for quite a while now, so we’ve had plenty of time to watch the sludge that passes for television these days. Leading the charge is FOX, and here are some of their specials that haven’t yet made it on the air.
- Who Wants to Marry an Axe-Murderer?
- Bachelorettes in Siberia: Looking for Love in the gulag
- Geraldo’s Tragic Death in Afghanistan
- Good Chinese Food Gone Bad
- Illegal Alien Autopsy
- Fat Football: The XXLXFL
- When Fox Specials go bad/attack/or are revealed
- Conspiracy Theorem: Where’s the Proof?
- Cardiac Arrest: When Hearts Attack
- And, America’s Greatest Nuclear Secrets, Revealed
Revealing our greatest nuclear secrets, the band forms a little “c” for Chernobyl.
(Band forms little “c” and plays “Fight Fight Fight”)
And now, winning the Nobel Prize like:
- Toni Morrison
- Daniel Kahneman
- John Nash
- Daniel Tsui
- Joseph Taylor
- Val Fitch
- Woodrow Wilson
- Eugene O’Neill
- A. Michael Spense
- Russel Holse
- James U. Cronin
It’s the Double, Double, rotating P!
(Band forms Double, Double, rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Charging onto the field because they don’t have any Paw Points, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Ah yes, it’s Parents Weekend, and the Band thinks that instead of going to University sponsored events, parents should follow our advice. Start out by visiting all the beautiful green open spaces around campus. Stop by for a cold one in the Beverage Lab, and then stop by for another cold one in the cryogenics lab. Take a dip in the Woody Woo fountain, have a bite to eat in the rotating restaurant on the 13th floor of Fine Hall, and talk to one of the many conservative students. Visit John Nash, in his little cage, and then go to the UFO special late night porn extravaganza. Wake up bright and early to the peace and quiet outside your window, and stroll through the new Genomics building. Finally, have dinner at Ivy. They’re always open. Forming the most visible group at Ivy, the band reminds you, please don’t feed the Pi Phi’s.
(Band forms a Pi Phi and plays “She’s Not There”)
If you want to put your finger on the pulse of campus life, read the Prince… you’ll find it’s pretty weak. Here are some recent headlines we found:
- If you don’t sign into Campus Club, Terrace has already won
- Dod has an elevator. Wheeee!
- Peter Singer advocates his own death
- U-Store lowers prices, Nassau Weekly folds
- Rumsfeld ’54 tells Prince staff to shove it
- Prince staff shoves it
- University announces moratorium on construction, Nassau Weekly folds
- Public Safety officers can’t stop drinking
- Prince’s one student reader graduates, Prince folds
Forming a folded Prince, the band suggests an alternate news source.
(Band forms a folded paper-airplane Prince and plays “Washington Post March”)
While sifting through spring break and egg donor ads, we found the following ads for guest lecturers.
- Dr. Kevorkian puts students to sleep in Death Mechanics
- Robert Toricelli corrupts young minds teaching Ethics in Public Policy
- Strom Thurmond advises Senior Independent Work
- John Ashcroft interrogates students during Civil Liberties
- Brother Steven teaches a class of whoremongers and fornicators in Introduction to Religion.
- Al Gore demonstrates a wide variety of facial expressions while leading Beginning Studies in Acting
- And President George Bush reads from extensive notes by Condi Rice in Games of Strategery.
Forming a game of strategery, the Band reminds the President that Darryl Strawberry thought he could improve his game as well.
(Band forms a 4-square chess board and plays “White Rabbit”)
Look out Band, it’s George Bush, and he may have gotten that last joke.
