Colgate 2003
Colgate at Princeton
October 11th, 2003
Princeton loses 3-30
Pregame
V’yomer ADONAI el-Moshe laymor.It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band plays “Cannon”)
Well, it’s parents’ weekend again, and to avoid sending parents home with the wrong impression of their child’s experience on campus, we decided to advise parents about places on campus to avoid:
Acknowledging that we don’t actually have a dental school, the band forms a little “c” for cavity, and realizes that it should have taken advantage of Colgate.
(Band plays “Fight Fight Fight”)
And now, Fluoride-enhanced Tooth-whitening Orally stimulating Minty-fresh Tartar-controlling Plaque-busting Baking soda and peroxide containing Three-layered Triple Action, Action, ACTION Breath-freshening Gingivitis killing Antiseptically-enhanced Coming in a pump or a tube ADA approved Working while you sleep so you don’t have to It’s the DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!!!!
Halftime
Recalling the Colgate Band, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band plays “Princeton Forward”)
And now, a word from our sponsors: (Next part was spoken with an Arnold S. accent. We actually used two different announcers. It rocked!) Guten Tag. I am Arnold Schwarzenegger. You may recognize me from political documentaries such as “Conan the Barbarian” and “Conan the Destroyer.” Now that I have seized the title of “govenator,” I am one step closer to being the President of the United States. So the next step that we will take will be to issue a recall against President Bush. We will call it “Total Recall 2: Judgment Day.” You should vote for me because I campaign on a platform made from reinforced concrete because it is the only material that can support my massive biceps. And unlike other politicians, I only tell “True Lies.” Truthfully, who would you rather vote for? My bicep or my OTHER bicep! Look what happened to Gray Davis. The people don’t want Gray! They want lusciously tan and golden brown. If you would like to know more about my policies on crime, religion, and abortion, please see “Kindergarten Cop,” “End of Days,” and “Junior” respectively. I will appoint both my biceps to Attorney General, and they will prosecute the criminals to the utmost extent of my fists. I intend to solve all energy crises single-armedly by attaching a generator to my titanic biceps! (We may have cut this line due to time constraints) So remember to vote “Ja” for Arnold Kennedy Schwarzenegger Kennedy for the next recall election. This is what I desire, but desire is irrelevant! I am a machine!
(Band forms a bicep and plays “Iron Man”)
And in other news, we’d like to update our audience on some of the things President Bush found while searching in Iraq for weapons of mass destruction.
Stealing from the poor and giving to the military, the band forms a bag of gold.
(Band forms a bag of gold, and plays “Prince of Thieves”)
Run away band, it’s 4 out of 5 dentists, and they’re recommending the other band!
October 11th, 2003
Princeton loses 3-30
Pregame
V’yomer ADONAI el-Moshe laymor.It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band plays “Cannon”)
Well, it’s parents’ weekend again, and to avoid sending parents home with the wrong impression of their child’s experience on campus, we decided to advise parents about places on campus to avoid:
- Your son’s dorm room after dark… if his rooms a’rockin’, don’t come a’knockin’
- Your old dorm room
- The TI taproom
- PJ’s Pancake House
- Terrace F. Club…. unless you really want to relive the 70s
- The deep, dark bottom of the Woody Woo Fountain
- West College… they’ll ask you for more money
- McCosh Health Center… they’ll try to convince you you’re carrying another little
- Princetonian….
- The Grad College… although you’d never be able to find it anyway
- The Princeton School of Dentistry
Acknowledging that we don’t actually have a dental school, the band forms a little “c” for cavity, and realizes that it should have taken advantage of Colgate.
(Band plays “Fight Fight Fight”)
And now, Fluoride-enhanced Tooth-whitening Orally stimulating Minty-fresh Tartar-controlling Plaque-busting Baking soda and peroxide containing Three-layered Triple Action, Action, ACTION Breath-freshening Gingivitis killing Antiseptically-enhanced Coming in a pump or a tube ADA approved Working while you sleep so you don’t have to It’s the DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!!!!
Halftime
Recalling the Colgate Band, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band plays “Princeton Forward”)
And now, a word from our sponsors: (Next part was spoken with an Arnold S. accent. We actually used two different announcers. It rocked!) Guten Tag. I am Arnold Schwarzenegger. You may recognize me from political documentaries such as “Conan the Barbarian” and “Conan the Destroyer.” Now that I have seized the title of “govenator,” I am one step closer to being the President of the United States. So the next step that we will take will be to issue a recall against President Bush. We will call it “Total Recall 2: Judgment Day.” You should vote for me because I campaign on a platform made from reinforced concrete because it is the only material that can support my massive biceps. And unlike other politicians, I only tell “True Lies.” Truthfully, who would you rather vote for? My bicep or my OTHER bicep! Look what happened to Gray Davis. The people don’t want Gray! They want lusciously tan and golden brown. If you would like to know more about my policies on crime, religion, and abortion, please see “Kindergarten Cop,” “End of Days,” and “Junior” respectively. I will appoint both my biceps to Attorney General, and they will prosecute the criminals to the utmost extent of my fists. I intend to solve all energy crises single-armedly by attaching a generator to my titanic biceps! (We may have cut this line due to time constraints) So remember to vote “Ja” for Arnold Kennedy Schwarzenegger Kennedy for the next recall election. This is what I desire, but desire is irrelevant! I am a machine!
(Band forms a bicep and plays “Iron Man”)
And in other news, we’d like to update our audience on some of the things President Bush found while searching in Iraq for weapons of mass destruction.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Saddam’s long lost twin brother, Gomorrah
- Waldo
- A sensible plan to garner UN support
- Nemo
- Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location
- Jimmy Hoffa
- A nasty case of syphilis
- Lots and lots of sand
- 87 billion dollars
Stealing from the poor and giving to the military, the band forms a bag of gold.
(Band forms a bag of gold, and plays “Prince of Thieves”)
Run away band, it’s 4 out of 5 dentists, and they’re recommending the other band!
