Colgate 2009
Colgate at Princeton
October 8, 2009
Princeton loses 14-21
Pregame:
Now available as an iPhone application, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Two hours from now, the television event of the week—nay, the century—will take place, when Pam Beasley and Jim Halpert are married on NBC’s “The Office.” What many viewers may not know, however, is how much Pam got around before she settled on Jim. Here are some of her exes, and the reasons they parted ways:
And now, Beehives, Bouffants, Bowl cuts, Bald, Afros, Jew-fros, Mohawks, Fro-hawk, Faux-hawks, Red-tailed hawks, Flocks of seagulls, Liberty Spikes, Cinnamon Buns, Top Knots, Dreadlocks, Mullets, Rat Tails, Pony Tails, And the Double-Double-Rotating Pigtails!
Halftime:
Pulling the plug on grandma, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Last month saw the release of a new version of the video game “Rock Band” based on the lives and songs of the Beatles. Of course, since the Beatles haven’t come out with any new songs in years, the game’s developers had to make a few changes to prevent the game from feeling dated. Here’s a sampling of the game’s updated soundtrack:
(Band forms Rock Band guitar controller and plays Everybody Needs Somebody)
In between polishing off those last few distribution requirements and procrastinating on their theses, Princeton seniors have one thing on their minds this fall—what in Sam Hill are they going to do after they graduate? With the job market down the tubes, here are our predictions for what different departments’ graduates will be doing come June.
(Band forms graph with plummeting line and plays Holiday)
Run away, band—your welfare check’s in the mail.
October 8, 2009
Princeton loses 14-21
Pregame:
Now available as an iPhone application, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Two hours from now, the television event of the week—nay, the century—will take place, when Pam Beasley and Jim Halpert are married on NBC’s “The Office.” What many viewers may not know, however, is how much Pam got around before she settled on Jim. Here are some of her exes, and the reasons they parted ways:
- Fred Flintstone: He couldn’t make the bed rock
- Bill from True Blood: He just sucked
- Joey Tribbiani: Without his friends around, he didn’t last very long
- Jack from Lost: Not only did she not know where their relationship was going, she didn’t know… when it was going
- Alex Trebec: He always thought he had all the answers
- Homer Simpson: He was fat, bald, alcoholic, married, and yellowed, but the real turn-off was the creepy four fingers on each hand
- The Mythbuster guys: They were always too busy experimenting with each other
- Worf from Star Trek: He didn’t give her any space, always trying to Kling-on
And now, Beehives, Bouffants, Bowl cuts, Bald, Afros, Jew-fros, Mohawks, Fro-hawk, Faux-hawks, Red-tailed hawks, Flocks of seagulls, Liberty Spikes, Cinnamon Buns, Top Knots, Dreadlocks, Mullets, Rat Tails, Pony Tails, And the Double-Double-Rotating Pigtails!
Halftime:
Pulling the plug on grandma, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Last month saw the release of a new version of the video game “Rock Band” based on the lives and songs of the Beatles. Of course, since the Beatles haven’t come out with any new songs in years, the game’s developers had to make a few changes to prevent the game from feeling dated. Here’s a sampling of the game’s updated soundtrack:
- She Loves YouTube
- Yellow Sub-prime Mortgage
- (She’s Got a) Twitter to Write
- e-Lonely-Hearts-Club.com
- Back in the Republics of Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Azerbaijan, etc.
- With a Little Help From My Facebook Friends
- The Continuing Ballad of Jon and Kate
- I Want To Hold Your Hand, But I Don’t Want To Be Sued For Sexual Harassment
- I Can Haz Walrus
- African-American Bird
- Harry Potter and the Magical Mystery Tour
- Ob-La-Di, Ob-A-Ma
- Can’t Buy Me Love, Except on Craigslist
(Band forms Rock Band guitar controller and plays Everybody Needs Somebody)
In between polishing off those last few distribution requirements and procrastinating on their theses, Princeton seniors have one thing on their minds this fall—what in Sam Hill are they going to do after they graduate? With the job market down the tubes, here are our predictions for what different departments’ graduates will be doing come June.
- Politics majors will become hopelessly addicted to online Risk
- Italian majors will get a job with their family—or at least a family
- History majors will volunteer at Living History museums and war reenactments, since they would rather repeat history than be doomed to study it
- Woodrow Wilson majors will hang out where they feel most at home—in the tool aisle at Home Depot
- English majors will join the front lines in the fight against the term “staycation”
- Religion majors will finally get around to reading the boring parts of the Bible
- Chemistry majors will carry around signs that say “Will titrate for food”
- Comparative literature majors will freelance as translators for Elvish fan fiction websites
- Math majors will invent new ways to count… the weeks they spend living in their parents’ basements
- Psychology majors will insist that they aren’t unemployed, they merely comprise a control group in order to accurately measure the success of people with actual careers.
- Classics majors will desperately make jokes about how having a job is “all Greek to me”
(Band forms graph with plummeting line and plays Holiday)
Run away, band—your welfare check’s in the mail.
