COlumbia 1987
Princeton vs. Columbia
October 10th, 1987
Outcome Unknown
Now that that’s over with, ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long hard look at today’s burning issue: the new fire regulations.
“Princeton Forward”
A reading from the Book of Residential Living, chapter thirty, verse five:
And in the ninth month of the fifth year of Lowe, Princeton Charlie didst decorate his room in a sinful manner. It came to pass that he didst awake to the smell of evil smoke. Lo and behold, he beheld a blaze enveloping his chamber. His sofa was in cinders, his hot pot aglow. He ran for the door, but his Jim and Tammy Bakker poster seemed only to mock him as it ignited. He realized he was a cinder in the eyes of the Dean — 11% of his walls were covered. As he succumbed to the flame of the beast, he did hear angelic choirs and did see a heavenly light illuminating the letter ‘e’ for egress above his window. He was saved from eternal room inspections. He escaped out the window and ascended into heaven.
“Exodus” (Band forms lower-case ‘e’)
The Band just met Mr. Fire Inspector, and boy are we confused. Is a lightbulb a heat-producing appliance? When hanging a poster on cinder-block walls, do railroad spikes count as small tacks or nails? Can you place a rug on your floor or would that prevent it from being clearly recognizable as a floor? Always willing to lend a helping hand, the Band reminds you to hang your memo board to the right of the door, so that in the event of a fire, it is clearly recognizable — as a memo board. The Band hopes your next words won’t be “I Hear You Knocking, But I Can’t Get Out.”
“I Hear You Knocking” (Note: Columbia played this 5 times, in 9+ minute show) (Band forms door, memo board moves around during song)
The Band feels that the University could be made safer still. Having fire inspectors remove “Sphero” from Butler College because it was attached with adhesive was a good idea. We have some more suggestions. Sure the administration has outlawed Fun-Tak, but they’ve overlooked other dangerous adhesives: DFS mashed potatoes, pads of butter, static electricity, and the stuff on the floor of Dial Lodge. Other areas cry out for improvement: take the dress code. The Band feels that clothing should cover no more than ten percent of the student body; while we’re at it, construction should cover no more than 10% of the campus, Robert Venturi should design no more than 10% of Princeton buildings, no student should take ceramics courses for more than 10% of her curriculum, and no team should have more than 10% of its members named Garrett. Forming the number of new regulations in the housing booklet, or Northwestern’s favorite number, tha Band salutes football…Columbia Style.
“Wipeout” (Band forms ’35’)
October 10th, 1987
Outcome Unknown
Now that that’s over with, ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long hard look at today’s burning issue: the new fire regulations.
“Princeton Forward”
A reading from the Book of Residential Living, chapter thirty, verse five:
And in the ninth month of the fifth year of Lowe, Princeton Charlie didst decorate his room in a sinful manner. It came to pass that he didst awake to the smell of evil smoke. Lo and behold, he beheld a blaze enveloping his chamber. His sofa was in cinders, his hot pot aglow. He ran for the door, but his Jim and Tammy Bakker poster seemed only to mock him as it ignited. He realized he was a cinder in the eyes of the Dean — 11% of his walls were covered. As he succumbed to the flame of the beast, he did hear angelic choirs and did see a heavenly light illuminating the letter ‘e’ for egress above his window. He was saved from eternal room inspections. He escaped out the window and ascended into heaven.
“Exodus” (Band forms lower-case ‘e’)
The Band just met Mr. Fire Inspector, and boy are we confused. Is a lightbulb a heat-producing appliance? When hanging a poster on cinder-block walls, do railroad spikes count as small tacks or nails? Can you place a rug on your floor or would that prevent it from being clearly recognizable as a floor? Always willing to lend a helping hand, the Band reminds you to hang your memo board to the right of the door, so that in the event of a fire, it is clearly recognizable — as a memo board. The Band hopes your next words won’t be “I Hear You Knocking, But I Can’t Get Out.”
“I Hear You Knocking” (Note: Columbia played this 5 times, in 9+ minute show) (Band forms door, memo board moves around during song)
The Band feels that the University could be made safer still. Having fire inspectors remove “Sphero” from Butler College because it was attached with adhesive was a good idea. We have some more suggestions. Sure the administration has outlawed Fun-Tak, but they’ve overlooked other dangerous adhesives: DFS mashed potatoes, pads of butter, static electricity, and the stuff on the floor of Dial Lodge. Other areas cry out for improvement: take the dress code. The Band feels that clothing should cover no more than ten percent of the student body; while we’re at it, construction should cover no more than 10% of the campus, Robert Venturi should design no more than 10% of Princeton buildings, no student should take ceramics courses for more than 10% of her curriculum, and no team should have more than 10% of its members named Garrett. Forming the number of new regulations in the housing booklet, or Northwestern’s favorite number, tha Band salutes football…Columbia Style.
“Wipeout” (Band forms ’35’)
