Columbia 1992
Princeton vs. Columbia
October 31st, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Galloping onto the field like rabid pollsters, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Yes, it’s that time of year again. Halloween, and the presidential elections. The time when people dress silly, act stupid, and pretend to be something they’re not. Bush is pretending to be Harry Truman. Harry Truman is pretending to be dead. Clinton is pretending to be Kennedy. Kennedy is also pretending to be dead. Perot is pretending to be Ed Koch. Ed Koch isn’t dead, but he’s an ex-mayor of New York, which is the next best thing. And Columbia is pretending to be an Ivy League school. Saluting C.U.N.Y., the band plays the Columbia fight song.
“Roar, Lion, Roar” (Band forms a small ‘c’)
And now, it’s the
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Double Rotating P)
And remember: ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for me.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your wallets; it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
There has been a lot of talk lately about reducing the drug problem through the legalization of marijuana, especially among Columbia band members. The Band applauds this logic, and believes it should be extended to solving other crime problems too. Take theft. (“Please. No, really!”) Legalizing theft would reduce crime, increase tax revenues, and create job opportunities for all those out-of-work Columbia graduates as “resource reallocators.” Plus, it would give New York’s overworked police force more time to relax in Dunkin Donuts. Saluting New York’s finest, the Band forms a jelly donut, and says “I hear ya knockin’, but ya’ can’t have my wallet.”
“Hawaii 5-0” (Band forms a jelly donut)
Speaking of empty consumerism, we’ve heard that Mattel is yanking its talking Barbie dolls off the shelves, and replacing them with a new line of talking political figure dolls. Where the talking Barbie doll would say “Math is hard,” the new Dan Quayle doll will say “Spelling is hard,” the new James Stockdale doll will say “Public speaking is hard,” and finally, the new Gennifer Flowers doll will say “Bill Clinton is cute.”
“Phantom of the Opera” drowns out last word (Band forms a smiley face)
And remember, ladies and gentlemen, the Columbia halftime show is like bad Chinese food: it’s quick, bland, and you’re hungry again in an hour.
October 31st, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Galloping onto the field like rabid pollsters, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Yes, it’s that time of year again. Halloween, and the presidential elections. The time when people dress silly, act stupid, and pretend to be something they’re not. Bush is pretending to be Harry Truman. Harry Truman is pretending to be dead. Clinton is pretending to be Kennedy. Kennedy is also pretending to be dead. Perot is pretending to be Ed Koch. Ed Koch isn’t dead, but he’s an ex-mayor of New York, which is the next best thing. And Columbia is pretending to be an Ivy League school. Saluting C.U.N.Y., the band plays the Columbia fight song.
“Roar, Lion, Roar” (Band forms a small ‘c’)
And now, it’s the
- Tax and spend,
- Trickle down,
- Voodoo economics,
- Read our lips,
- I’m all out of ammunition on that one,
- Where was George?
- Wouldn’t be prudent,
- I’m all ears,
- No new taxes,
- Family values,
- Giant sucking sound coming from Mexico,
- Kinder, gentler recession,
- I like Ike,
- 54-40 or fight,
- The mother of all sound bytes,
- Single-Double fully armed and operational Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Double Rotating P)
And remember: ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for me.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your wallets; it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
There has been a lot of talk lately about reducing the drug problem through the legalization of marijuana, especially among Columbia band members. The Band applauds this logic, and believes it should be extended to solving other crime problems too. Take theft. (“Please. No, really!”) Legalizing theft would reduce crime, increase tax revenues, and create job opportunities for all those out-of-work Columbia graduates as “resource reallocators.” Plus, it would give New York’s overworked police force more time to relax in Dunkin Donuts. Saluting New York’s finest, the Band forms a jelly donut, and says “I hear ya knockin’, but ya’ can’t have my wallet.”
“Hawaii 5-0” (Band forms a jelly donut)
Speaking of empty consumerism, we’ve heard that Mattel is yanking its talking Barbie dolls off the shelves, and replacing them with a new line of talking political figure dolls. Where the talking Barbie doll would say “Math is hard,” the new Dan Quayle doll will say “Spelling is hard,” the new James Stockdale doll will say “Public speaking is hard,” and finally, the new Gennifer Flowers doll will say “Bill Clinton is cute.”
“Phantom of the Opera” drowns out last word (Band forms a smiley face)
And remember, ladies and gentlemen, the Columbia halftime show is like bad Chinese food: it’s quick, bland, and you’re hungry again in an hour.
