Columbia 2002
Princeton at Columbia
October 5th, 2002
Princeton wins 35-32
Pregame:
(Note: This show was not performed due to Columbia Athletics’ failure to give us pregame time.
And now, exercising out 1st and 17th amendment rights, it’s the Princeton University Band! “Cannon” We’ve heard that after some delay, New York’s brand new Sex Museum opens today. Here’s why we think this climactic event was delayed:
Forming a little “c” for arrived, the Band says, “We hope we aren’t late.”
(Band forms little “c” and plays “Roar, Lion, Roar”)
And now, visiting other New York landmarks such as:
It’s the Double, Double, Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Run away band, it’s the lawyers!
Halftime
Swarming onto the field like self-important little creatures, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
New York is certainly known for its theater, and the hot new show in town was produced and performed by none other than the Columbia University Marching Band in the Liberty Bowl. The reviews are in, and here they are:
Forming the newest addition to New York’s cultural milieu, the band reminds you that nothing is as satisfying as the Sex Museum, and we can’t get enough.
(Band forms the Sex Museum and plays “Can’t Get Enough”)
With the threat of eternal damnation, the Catholic League commanded the Columbia Band to perform penance. The Band was told to begin with 24 hours of solemn reflection on their knees. They were going to tithe ten percent of their band to engorge Fordham’s endowment… but nobody wants half a bowling pin. Then they were required to burn incense and be stoned, but they decided to combine them and smoke two joints. The Catholic League considered commanding self-flagellation, but realized the Band already did that enough, so instead the Band was simply subjected to the Miter Smiter. Finally, the Band was forced to write a clever halftime show, but since they obviously couldn’t do that, they were excommunicated and sentenced to the fiery depths of Hell. Sinking to the Columbia Band’s level, the Princeton Band forms the fiery depths of Hell.
(Band forms the fiery depths of Hell and plays “Great Balls of Fire” ;drops to knees while playing)
Run Away, Band! We have to beat the Columbia Band to the Sex Museum.
October 5th, 2002
Princeton wins 35-32
Pregame:
(Note: This show was not performed due to Columbia Athletics’ failure to give us pregame time.
And now, exercising out 1st and 17th amendment rights, it’s the Princeton University Band! “Cannon” We’ve heard that after some delay, New York’s brand new Sex Museum opens today. Here’s why we think this climactic event was delayed:
- The Museum had a headache.
- It wasn’t fully erected yet.
- They couldn’t get their creative juices flowing.
- The internet connection wasn’t ready.
- They just couldn’t get anyone to come.
- They only faked it the first time
- Their last few packages hadn’t yet… arrived.
Forming a little “c” for arrived, the Band says, “We hope we aren’t late.”
(Band forms little “c” and plays “Roar, Lion, Roar”)
And now, visiting other New York landmarks such as:
- The Empire State Building
- Coney Island
- Central Park
- The Statue of Liberty
- McDonalds in Times Square
- Rockefellar Center
- Broadway
- The Brooklyn Bridge
- The Golden Gate Bridge
- Yankee Stadium
- The Guggenheim
- Penn Station
- 4th through 7th Avenues
- The United Nations
- Certainly not Columbia University
It’s the Double, Double, Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Run away band, it’s the lawyers!
Halftime
Swarming onto the field like self-important little creatures, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
New York is certainly known for its theater, and the hot new show in town was produced and performed by none other than the Columbia University Marching Band in the Liberty Bowl. The reviews are in, and here they are:
- The Fordham censors said, “Loads of fun for the whole family.”
- Fordham senior Elizabeth Kennedy says, “I laughed, I cried, I sued the Columbia band.”
- The Catholic League says, “It’s about time the Lions got fed to the Catholics.”
- God (Princeton Class of Aught) says, “You people need to lighten up.”
- Columbia Poet Laureate Andy Hao opines, “Better than my last show, which isn’t saying much.”
- Siskel and Ebert give it one thumb up… because Siskel is dead.
- Rudolph Guliani called it, “Better than A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Fordham.”
- And Bill Clinton says, “Almost as satisfying as the Sex Museum.”
Forming the newest addition to New York’s cultural milieu, the band reminds you that nothing is as satisfying as the Sex Museum, and we can’t get enough.
(Band forms the Sex Museum and plays “Can’t Get Enough”)
With the threat of eternal damnation, the Catholic League commanded the Columbia Band to perform penance. The Band was told to begin with 24 hours of solemn reflection on their knees. They were going to tithe ten percent of their band to engorge Fordham’s endowment… but nobody wants half a bowling pin. Then they were required to burn incense and be stoned, but they decided to combine them and smoke two joints. The Catholic League considered commanding self-flagellation, but realized the Band already did that enough, so instead the Band was simply subjected to the Miter Smiter. Finally, the Band was forced to write a clever halftime show, but since they obviously couldn’t do that, they were excommunicated and sentenced to the fiery depths of Hell. Sinking to the Columbia Band’s level, the Princeton Band forms the fiery depths of Hell.
(Band forms the fiery depths of Hell and plays “Great Balls of Fire” ;drops to knees while playing)
Run Away, Band! We have to beat the Columbia Band to the Sex Museum.
