Columbia 2003
Columbia at Princeton
October 4th, 2003
Princeton loses 27-33
Pregame
By your powers combined, we are the PRINCETON UNIVERSITY BAND.
(Band plays “Cannon”)
To boost the moral of the Columbia team, we were compiling a list of teams who had lost more games than Columbia. Sadly, we couldn’t think of a single one, Instead, we decided to put together a list of teams who had better records than the Columbia football team:
Forming a miniscule ‘c’ for “consolation prize,” the band reminds Columbia that your moms still think you’re cool.
(Band plays “Roar Lions Roar”)
And now, presenting the new and improved Instigating Playa-hating Pontificating Masticating Flagellating Self-deprecating Confiscating Checkmating Laminating Carbonating Illuminating Evacuating Panty-raiding Rejuvenating Invading Radiating Invigorating Stimulating Vibrating Double Double Rotating P!
(Band plays “Going Back”)
Halftime
Back on the field for our weekly fix, it’s the Princeton University Band!
After their horrendous 0 and 12 season last year, Columbia University was desperate for talent. Columbia’s scouts were up late one night watching Telemundo, when they saw a talented fùtbol team with the same name. Hoping to learn the tricks of the trade, Columbia University decided to send their football players down to play against South America’s finest-the Columbia fùtbol team. When the teams had their first scrimmage, Columbia U didn’t fare so well. They were distracted by acres and acres of lush, green weeds. By the end of the scrimmage, the New York players had all been issued red cards while the Columbian players were issued Green cards. Although the University’s team lost, they didn’t feel so bad because the other team never got their hands on the ball either. Both teams admitted that the fùtbol game was a learning experience and there were no hard feelings. In the spirit of cultural exchange, the students got really close with the grounds crew. So close that they offered to help by doing lines. Forming lines on the field, the Band admits that we “Can’t Get Enough,” either.
(Band forms lines and plays “Can’t Get Enough”)
Frustrated by their inability to score on the field, the Columbia University football team looked for satisfaction elsewhere. Not being in New York, the team had a more difficult time finding high school girls who were not already married. Luckily, the American team gained a reputation among the local sports fans for their unusually shaped [cut:balls] footballs. The Columbians found these balls awkward to handle, but fun to pass around. For the American team, going down to foreign lands led to coming down with an exotic disease. In the end, the Columbia team came back with a serious case of football fever. Forming American style balls, the band plays “Great Balls of Fire”
(Band forms two footballs and plays “Great Balls of Fire”)
Just when it seemed that things couldn’t get any worse, THEY DID!
(During “Great Balls of Fire” the Drum Major danced around the field with a large inflatable palm tree. When the song finished, she stopped dancing and stood with the palm tree centered between (and slightly above) the two footballs the band formed on the field. The Drum Major turned the tree upside-down, and when the announcer said, “they did,” she stabbed the palm tree with a pocket knife, let it deflate rapidly, and dropped it to the ground.)
Mosey away, band! Columbia’s back, and they’re faster, stronger, and oh so much higher.
October 4th, 2003
Princeton loses 27-33
Pregame
By your powers combined, we are the PRINCETON UNIVERSITY BAND.
(Band plays “Cannon”)
To boost the moral of the Columbia team, we were compiling a list of teams who had lost more games than Columbia. Sadly, we couldn’t think of a single one, Instead, we decided to put together a list of teams who had better records than the Columbia football team:
- The Boston Red Sox
- The Jamaican bobsled team
- Anyone fighting against Rocky
- The A-team
- The French in World War 2
- The Iraqi Republican National Guard softball team
- Charlie Brown’s baseball team
- The Bulgarian Quidditch Team
- The dyslexic Scrabble team
- The French in World War 1
- The Washington Senators
- The real Washington Senators
- Kenny, from South Park
- The Columbia Basketball team… Oh, wait, no
- The Communists
- The Spanish Armada
- The French in the Franco-Prussian War
- And finally, the Columbia band
Forming a miniscule ‘c’ for “consolation prize,” the band reminds Columbia that your moms still think you’re cool.
(Band plays “Roar Lions Roar”)
And now, presenting the new and improved Instigating Playa-hating Pontificating Masticating Flagellating Self-deprecating Confiscating Checkmating Laminating Carbonating Illuminating Evacuating Panty-raiding Rejuvenating Invading Radiating Invigorating Stimulating Vibrating Double Double Rotating P!
(Band plays “Going Back”)
Halftime
Back on the field for our weekly fix, it’s the Princeton University Band!
After their horrendous 0 and 12 season last year, Columbia University was desperate for talent. Columbia’s scouts were up late one night watching Telemundo, when they saw a talented fùtbol team with the same name. Hoping to learn the tricks of the trade, Columbia University decided to send their football players down to play against South America’s finest-the Columbia fùtbol team. When the teams had their first scrimmage, Columbia U didn’t fare so well. They were distracted by acres and acres of lush, green weeds. By the end of the scrimmage, the New York players had all been issued red cards while the Columbian players were issued Green cards. Although the University’s team lost, they didn’t feel so bad because the other team never got their hands on the ball either. Both teams admitted that the fùtbol game was a learning experience and there were no hard feelings. In the spirit of cultural exchange, the students got really close with the grounds crew. So close that they offered to help by doing lines. Forming lines on the field, the Band admits that we “Can’t Get Enough,” either.
(Band forms lines and plays “Can’t Get Enough”)
Frustrated by their inability to score on the field, the Columbia University football team looked for satisfaction elsewhere. Not being in New York, the team had a more difficult time finding high school girls who were not already married. Luckily, the American team gained a reputation among the local sports fans for their unusually shaped [cut:balls] footballs. The Columbians found these balls awkward to handle, but fun to pass around. For the American team, going down to foreign lands led to coming down with an exotic disease. In the end, the Columbia team came back with a serious case of football fever. Forming American style balls, the band plays “Great Balls of Fire”
(Band forms two footballs and plays “Great Balls of Fire”)
Just when it seemed that things couldn’t get any worse, THEY DID!
(During “Great Balls of Fire” the Drum Major danced around the field with a large inflatable palm tree. When the song finished, she stopped dancing and stood with the palm tree centered between (and slightly above) the two footballs the band formed on the field. The Drum Major turned the tree upside-down, and when the announcer said, “they did,” she stabbed the palm tree with a pocket knife, let it deflate rapidly, and dropped it to the ground.)
Mosey away, band! Columbia’s back, and they’re faster, stronger, and oh so much higher.
