Columbia 2006
Princeton at Columbia
September 30th, 2006
Princeton wins 19-6
Pregame
Like it or not… it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Due to time constraints, the band scrambles onto the field)
We haven’t been here in a while, you know. Apparently two years ago it was your “250th Anniversary”… but really, we think you must have had something else up your sleeves. Were you celebrating:
Forming a little “c” for “capped like Alexander Hamilton,” the Band plays Roar Lion Roar.
(Band forms a little “c” and plays “Roar Lion Roar”)
And now… Candygram Two wild and crazy guys More cowbell! Superstahhh Isn’t that special?! Would you like to touch my monkey? Talk amongst yourselves Goulet! That’s the ticket Fire BAAAAD! Party Time! Excellent! And Live… from New York… it’s the Double-Double-Rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
We’re on a mission from God.
Halftime
Picking at it just makes it worse, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Scramble onto the field due to time constraints)
Recently, Columbia made the culturally-responsible choice of inviting President Mahmoud Amadinejad of Iran to give a speech on the same day as Rosh Hashannah. But that wasn’t all the man had on his itinerary for his first visit to New York. Here are some other things the Persian President got up to:
Forming the UN Security Council, the Band makes the obvious choice and plays “Basket Case”.
(Band forms the Security Council logo and plays “Basket Case”)
Princeton has finally eliminated its problem of early decision, or ED, but since ED still runs rampant at Columbia, we thought we’d give you some advice on how to instill some vigor into your drooping application process. First of all, it is important to know you are not alone: 3 out of 4 Ivy League universities suffer from ED. Currently, applying to Columbia is fast, scary, and everyone ends up crying, but eliminating ED will help prevent premature matriculation. Your student body will be much more confident and satisfied, and we think you’ll find that eliminating ED opens up your avenues to intellectual stimulation by a wider variety of people. So c’mon, Columbia! Students without large endowments need some lovin’, too!
(Band forms “ED” and plays “Gimme Some Lovin'”)
Get outta here, Band. Your money’s on the nightstand.
September 30th, 2006
Princeton wins 19-6
Pregame
Like it or not… it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Due to time constraints, the band scrambles onto the field)
We haven’t been here in a while, you know. Apparently two years ago it was your “250th Anniversary”… but really, we think you must have had something else up your sleeves. Were you celebrating:
- 25 years of GHOSTBUSTERS 2?!
- Spiderman’s 21st birthday with strippers, booze, and… bug guts?!
- The purchase of Babe Ruth with strippers, booze, and… bug guts?! Seriously, what is it with you kids and bug guts?!
- The opening of “Seinfeld the Musical! On Ice!“
- The duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton… oh wait…
Forming a little “c” for “capped like Alexander Hamilton,” the Band plays Roar Lion Roar.
(Band forms a little “c” and plays “Roar Lion Roar”)
And now… Candygram Two wild and crazy guys More cowbell! Superstahhh Isn’t that special?! Would you like to touch my monkey? Talk amongst yourselves Goulet! That’s the ticket Fire BAAAAD! Party Time! Excellent! And Live… from New York… it’s the Double-Double-Rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
We’re on a mission from God.
Halftime
Picking at it just makes it worse, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Scramble onto the field due to time constraints)
Recently, Columbia made the culturally-responsible choice of inviting President Mahmoud Amadinejad of Iran to give a speech on the same day as Rosh Hashannah. But that wasn’t all the man had on his itinerary for his first visit to New York. Here are some other things the Persian President got up to:
- Attending lectures for Physics E4010: Introduction to Nuclear Science
- Clubbing in the East Village
- Scouting out possible locations for a “New Israel” on Long Island
- Speaking at a Hillary Clinton fundraiser
- Enjoying the deli cuisine of Brooklyn
- Stumbling into the UN drunk, mooning the security council, then passing out
- Issuing a fatwah against Arbor Mist wine coolers.
Forming the UN Security Council, the Band makes the obvious choice and plays “Basket Case”.
(Band forms the Security Council logo and plays “Basket Case”)
Princeton has finally eliminated its problem of early decision, or ED, but since ED still runs rampant at Columbia, we thought we’d give you some advice on how to instill some vigor into your drooping application process. First of all, it is important to know you are not alone: 3 out of 4 Ivy League universities suffer from ED. Currently, applying to Columbia is fast, scary, and everyone ends up crying, but eliminating ED will help prevent premature matriculation. Your student body will be much more confident and satisfied, and we think you’ll find that eliminating ED opens up your avenues to intellectual stimulation by a wider variety of people. So c’mon, Columbia! Students without large endowments need some lovin’, too!
(Band forms “ED” and plays “Gimme Some Lovin'”)
Get outta here, Band. Your money’s on the nightstand.
