Columbia 2009
Columbia at Princeton
October 3, 2009
Princeton loses 0-38
Pregame:
Oh my God, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Most of the band saw that new movie Zombieland last night, and it really made us think about how we’d survive if a zombie invasion hit Princeton. Here are some tips we came up with:
(Band forms a lower-case “C” and plays Roar, Lion, Roar)
And now, Never leave a fellow crasher behind, If you see an agent, run, Don’t fall asleep, Invoke the right of Parlay, Be the ball, No dating until your sister does, Ciderhouse, Do as I say and you live, Hakuna matata And do not talk about the Double-Double-Rotating-P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall)
Halftime:
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… the Tree Street Twirlers! With special guest star, the Princeton University Band!
Princeton, Harvard, and Yale have been locked in three-way rivalry for decades: We’ve been called “The Big Three,” “The Triumvirate,” even “The Holy Trinity.” But we in the PUB think a new Ivy League rivalry is in order, one based on the compatibility of our mascots. No, I don’t mean the Crimson, the Big Green, and the Big Red; I’m talking about Columbia, Princeton, and Brown: Lions, Tigers, and Bears. Oh my. While the bears are hibernatin’, we’ve been thinking of ways to bring a lion-tiger rivalry into popular awareness:
(The band forms L + T, which slowly merges into one clump of jungle lovin’, and plays “Jungle Boogie”)
This football season marks the Princeton University Band’s 90th year in existence. To commemorate the occasion, we’d like to recount some of the band’s more well-known exploits through the decades.
(Band forms a birthday cake, complete with three human candles, which is slowly eaten by a giant fork-prop, and plays “99 Luftballoons”)
Run away, 90-year-old band. It’s time for your sponge bath.
(Birthday candles remain on field)
You too, stupid trick candles.
October 3, 2009
Princeton loses 0-38
Pregame:
Oh my God, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Most of the band saw that new movie Zombieland last night, and it really made us think about how we’d survive if a zombie invasion hit Princeton. Here are some tips we came up with:
- First, make sure the zombies are not the hit ‘60s English rock band of the same name.
- Also assume that most architecture students have already been zombies for some time.
- Then wait to receive an Emergency Notification text message from Public Safety, which should arrive within a few days.
- Princeton will be hard-hit in a zombocalypse, due to the exceptional size of our brains, so try to seek sanctuary in places like the T.I. taproom.
- Also note that the Anscombe Society’s headquarters cannot be penetrated by zombies, or anyone else.
- Remember that each residential college has a zombie-proof bunker, although Whitman’s is several times larger than the others, and is stocked with a year’s supply of plasma-screen TVs.
- Try hiding in the Slavic Languages division of Firestone—no one will ever think to look for a living person there
- Ignore those dirty hippies at the Princeton Zombie Welfare Society. They don’t even have a good acronym.
(Band forms a lower-case “C” and plays Roar, Lion, Roar)
And now, Never leave a fellow crasher behind, If you see an agent, run, Don’t fall asleep, Invoke the right of Parlay, Be the ball, No dating until your sister does, Ciderhouse, Do as I say and you live, Hakuna matata And do not talk about the Double-Double-Rotating-P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall)
Halftime:
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… the Tree Street Twirlers! With special guest star, the Princeton University Band!
Princeton, Harvard, and Yale have been locked in three-way rivalry for decades: We’ve been called “The Big Three,” “The Triumvirate,” even “The Holy Trinity.” But we in the PUB think a new Ivy League rivalry is in order, one based on the compatibility of our mascots. No, I don’t mean the Crimson, the Big Green, and the Big Red; I’m talking about Columbia, Princeton, and Brown: Lions, Tigers, and Bears. Oh my. While the bears are hibernatin’, we’ve been thinking of ways to bring a lion-tiger rivalry into popular awareness:
- Maybe by getting the Cincinnati Bengals to play the Detroit Lions in the Super Bowl, “Angels in the Outfield”-style?
- Or maybe we’ll steal an actual lion and tiger from local zoos and pit them against each other… in a round of Pictionary
(The band forms L + T, which slowly merges into one clump of jungle lovin’, and plays “Jungle Boogie”)
This football season marks the Princeton University Band’s 90th year in existence. To commemorate the occasion, we’d like to recount some of the band’s more well-known exploits through the decades.
- 1919: The band is established as a condition of Woodrow Wilson’s little-known Fifteenth Point
- 1929: The band inadvertently starts the Great Depression. Oops!
- 1939: While on a tour of Europe, band members enrage Hitler German officials by leaving matzah crumbs all over the Reichstag
- 1949: The band unveils its new uniform of orange-plaid blazers, a dramatic change from the old uniform of tarring and feathering every member before games
- 1959: The band makes the cover of Sports Illustrated, but is soon heartbroken when not invited back for the Swimsuit Edition
- 1969: The band is slated to perform a set at Woodstock, but gets bumped after Jimi Hendrix goes way over his allotted time on the Star Spangled Banner
- 1979: After a lengthy equal-opportunities lawsuit between the band and the female undergraduates of Princeton, the band wins, and finally secures its first female member.
- 1989: The band kicks off its annual White Castle Tolerance Marathon, after the previous year’s White Castle ENJOYMENT Marathon ended after one bite.
- 1999: Preparing for the imminent computer apocalypse, the band stocks up on Y2K-Y jelly.
(Band forms a birthday cake, complete with three human candles, which is slowly eaten by a giant fork-prop, and plays “99 Luftballoons”)
Run away, 90-year-old band. It’s time for your sponge bath.
(Birthday candles remain on field)
You too, stupid trick candles.
