Columbia 2011
Columbia at Princeton
October 1st, 2011
Princeton wins 24-21
Pregame:
Collapsing onto the field like the Boston Red Sox, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on)
The record for a marathon was broken last week by 21 seconds, an extremely impressive feat. But the Band also has broken some records, and we’d like to tell you about them:
Forming a C for champions, the Band plays “Roar Lion Roar.”
(Band forms C, plays “Roar Lion Roar”)
And now… -Drive-ins -President Truman -The Marshall Plan -Malts -Suburbanization -Senator Joseph McCarthy -The year 5710 -China -My spirit -The Korean War -The Marshall Plan -Charlie Brown
And the Double-Double-Rotating-Princeton Class of 1950!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back”)
Run away Band! Communism is spreading.
Halftime:
Uncut and uncensored, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
Last year, the Band was heavily censored when we played a halftime show at Columbia, so in response, we’d like to take the low road and make as much fun of Columbia as possible:
(Band forms apple, gets bite taken out of it, worm comes out, plays “The Middle”)
We heard that Orange Key tour guides are going to get paid for their services. We support this move, because it provides precedent that will allow us to also get paid. There are actually a lot of groups that owe us some money:
Forming a Rorshach inkblot, the band asks you to interpret this shape and plays “Any Way You Want It.”
(Band forms inkblot that looks vaguely like a butterfly, plays “Any Way You Want It”)
Run away Band! Mo’ money, mo’ problems.
October 1st, 2011
Princeton wins 24-21
Pregame:
Collapsing onto the field like the Boston Red Sox, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on)
The record for a marathon was broken last week by 21 seconds, an extremely impressive feat. But the Band also has broken some records, and we’d like to tell you about them:
- We set the record for fewest games watched of the Rugby World Cup. Yeah, that’s right, there’s a Rugby World Cup going on. You learn something new every day, huh?
- We had the highest honey-to-apple ration for our Rosh Hashanah celebration. That is, just pure honey.
- We retain our title for hilarity, although the presidential primary debates have given us a run for our money.
- We have the most enthusiastic Oktoberfest enjoyment, except for us it occurs at the end of May.
- We took the fewest licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
Forming a C for champions, the Band plays “Roar Lion Roar.”
(Band forms C, plays “Roar Lion Roar”)
And now… -Drive-ins -President Truman -The Marshall Plan -Malts -Suburbanization -Senator Joseph McCarthy -The year 5710 -China -My spirit -The Korean War -The Marshall Plan -Charlie Brown
And the Double-Double-Rotating-Princeton Class of 1950!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back”)
Run away Band! Communism is spreading.
Halftime:
Uncut and uncensored, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
Last year, the Band was heavily censored when we played a halftime show at Columbia, so in response, we’d like to take the low road and make as much fun of Columbia as possible:
- Yo alma mater is so prude, it censored the word censorship.
- Yo alma mater is so dumb, it was only the 4th highest ranked university in the country.
- Yo alma mater’s city is so classless, it borders New Jersey!
- Yo alma mater is so large, you have to take a taxi from one end to the other.
- Yo alma mater is so socially awkward, even Ahmadinejad didn’t come to dinner.
- Yo alma mater’s athletics department is so mean, it even treats its own Band like garbage.
- Yo alma mater’s professors are such good dads, they really, really love their daughters.
- Yo alma mater is so desperate for ladies, they merged with a whole other school full of them.
- Yo alma mater is so fat, she ate the big apple. Too bad it’s rotten.
(Band forms apple, gets bite taken out of it, worm comes out, plays “The Middle”)
We heard that Orange Key tour guides are going to get paid for their services. We support this move, because it provides precedent that will allow us to also get paid. There are actually a lot of groups that owe us some money:
- Healthy Minds should pay us for stress relief during finals.
- The City of Venice should pay us for advertising their hats, thereby keeping their economy above water.
- Vogue should pay us for advertising their fashionable plaid styles.
- A certain Dean should pay us for babysitting services performed last week.
- PrincetonFML should pay us for directing traffic to their site, and Anna Condella should pay us for making her famous.
- Princeton University Ballet – the so-called PUB – should pay us for copyright infringement.
- The psychology department should pay us for the experiment we’re performing on you RIGHT NOW.
Forming a Rorshach inkblot, the band asks you to interpret this shape and plays “Any Way You Want It.”
(Band forms inkblot that looks vaguely like a butterfly, plays “Any Way You Want It”)
Run away Band! Mo’ money, mo’ problems.
