Columbia 2012
Princeton at Columbia
September 29th, 2012
Princeton wins 33-6
Pregame:
Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “The Princeton Cannon Song.”)
Hey Band, look behind you; it’s Columbia!
(Band plays parody of “Roar, Lion, Roar”)
You know what’s awesome? Cute animals in cute situations.
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”)
Run away Band. You’ll never be as cute as those animals.
(Band scrambles off of field.)
Halftime:
Fizzing onto the field liked a banned 16 ounce soda, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March.”)
Along with the recent ban of all sodas larger than 16 ounces, the Band was surprised to find a host of other regulations now in place in New York:
(Band forms a soda cup with slowly-decreasing liquid level and plays “It’s My Life.”)
That soda ban is pretty serious. But surely there are better ways to make New Yorkers healthier. Try our ideas.
(Band forms human figure with waist decreasing from large to normal and plays “Land of 1000 Dances.”)
It’s been a bad week for animals: a baby giant panda cub was lost, and a cat was accidentally euthanized by a veterinarian after it was brought in for a flea bath. To get closer to our animal friends, here are some group meetings you might be interested in:
Everyone should try to be more like the man who jumped into a tiger enclosure at the zoo so that he could “be one with the tiger.” Forming a fierce tiger that looks suspiciously like a kitten, the Band plays “Eye of the Tiger.”
(Band forms cat’s face and plays “Eye of the Tiger.”)
Run away Band, it’s time for your flea bath.
September 29th, 2012
Princeton wins 33-6
Pregame:
Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “The Princeton Cannon Song.”)
Hey Band, look behind you; it’s Columbia!
(Band plays parody of “Roar, Lion, Roar”)
You know what’s awesome? Cute animals in cute situations.
- A slow lorris with an umbrella
- Red pandas in the snow
- Baby pandas sneezing
- Puppies in any context
- Hedgehogs in tubes
- Kittens in cups
- All dogs that aren’t pugs
- Manatees with their noses all smushed against the glass so they can see you better and be your friend
- Teacup pigs in teacups
- Dolphins in propeller hats
- Miniature whales in miniature oceans
- Any animal that isn’t a bunny wearing bunny ears
- Bunnies wearing bunny ears
- Ducklings being blown over in the wind
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”)
Run away Band. You’ll never be as cute as those animals.
(Band scrambles off of field.)
Halftime:
Fizzing onto the field liked a banned 16 ounce soda, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March.”)
Along with the recent ban of all sodas larger than 16 ounces, the Band was surprised to find a host of other regulations now in place in New York:
- Football fields are now limited to 100 ft.
- Wall Street is now just Fence Street.
- New York City is too large and had to get rid of something. Sorry Staten Island.
- Burger King is now just Burger Duke.
- The City that Never Sleeps now must take regular power naps.
- The show “Book of Mormon” is now just “Pamphlet of Mormon.”
- Smart cars are too smart – they’re being downgraded to marginally talented cars.
(Band forms a soda cup with slowly-decreasing liquid level and plays “It’s My Life.”)
That soda ban is pretty serious. But surely there are better ways to make New Yorkers healthier. Try our ideas.
- Replace all taxis with giant hamster balls.
- Loose tigers on the streets of the city. Nothing burns calories like running from a tiger.
- Make people watch the New York Mets play – making them want to throw up.
- Replace elevators with the ropes from your high school gym class.
- Change all up-escalators into down-escalators.
- Make everyone take part in Nathan’s hot dog eating contest – ensuring that they never eat again.
- Offer free Zumba classes
(Band forms human figure with waist decreasing from large to normal and plays “Land of 1000 Dances.”)
It’s been a bad week for animals: a baby giant panda cub was lost, and a cat was accidentally euthanized by a veterinarian after it was brought in for a flea bath. To get closer to our animal friends, here are some group meetings you might be interested in:
- Marsupials and Me
- Pop Dancing: Oppan Doggie Style
- Alligators Anonymous
- Writing halftime scripts: fishin for puns
- Lions and Cheetahs: How to Deal with Dishonest Animals
- Undersea Sponges, Starfish, and Land-Squirrels: Overcoming Pop-Culture Stereotypes
- Cows: From Bovine to Devine
Everyone should try to be more like the man who jumped into a tiger enclosure at the zoo so that he could “be one with the tiger.” Forming a fierce tiger that looks suspiciously like a kitten, the Band plays “Eye of the Tiger.”
(Band forms cat’s face and plays “Eye of the Tiger.”)
Run away Band, it’s time for your flea bath.
