Columbia 2013
Columbia at Princeton
October 5th, 2013
Princeton wins 53-7
Pregame:
Try our garlic bread! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Cannon)
Presenting itself as a mayoral candidate, the band turns to Columbia.
(Band plays parody of Roar, Lion, Roar)
Since the government is still shut down, we took it upon ourselves to come up with a plan for the future of America. We invited all of the Princetonian politicians back to campus (we know they weren’t the ones causing the problems) and Ben Bernanke led us in a meeting dubbed the Princeton University Summit to Solve the Issue.
The decision of said summit was that Princeton would unite with the rest of the Ivy League, except Columbia since they don’t have anything useful — not even hotel administrators! We would all live off our endowments while the rest of the country withered and died. President Eisgruber’s throne from the installation has been brought back out and he is now reigning Grand Emperor over the country.
Expressing our pride in our newly founded nation, the band forms a P for Princeton and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of the national anthem by the Princeton University Band.
(Band plays the anthem)
Run away band, the game is going to start. [Sing:] It’s time to say goodbye. We’ll see you at halftime.
Halftime:
Fighting the mole people of the New York subway system since 1919, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Forward)
Columbia has a pretty diverse student body, but there’s one demographic that is completely left out: ghosts. The ghosts feel like they’re being unfairly discriminated against just because they’re dead. And not only that, but they’re being stopped, frisked, and busted by the Ghostbusters.
The ghosts realized they could fight back when they discovered that ghost busting technology is very effective on Columbia students, since they’re dead on the inside.
The epic battle climaxed when somebody summoned a giant cube of tofu that represented the ideals of Columbia students and it stomped around New York for several nights. Columbia eventually gave in and gave all ghosts a free ride to the University.
Forming a ghost, the band plays “Free Ride.”
(Band forms a ghost and plays Free Ride)
Ghosts are not the only mysterious things in New York. There’s an incredible number of sketchy things that can be found underneath New York, such as:
(Band forms a dancing rat and plays “Land of 1000 Dances”)
Coming soon:
He was a tight-jeaned, vegan lion working in a hipster coffee shop in Williamsburg for minimum wage. She was a ferocious tiger from India with a large tail, sharp teeth, and a fearsome growl. He was jaded by the dating scene and looking for something a bit more alternative. She could run up to 60 miles per hour and had been on the cover of National Geographic. They had nothing in common.
He took her to his favorite restaurant. “What’s your favorite Wes Anderson film?” he asked. “Grrrrrrrrrrrrr,” she replied.
It shouldn’t have worked. Spoiler alert: It didn’t. The tiger ate the lion, and they still had nothing in common.
Forming a dead lion, the band plays “What is Love.”
(Band forms a dead lion and plays “What is Love”)
Run away band, feeding time is over.
October 5th, 2013
Princeton wins 53-7
Pregame:
Try our garlic bread! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Cannon)
Presenting itself as a mayoral candidate, the band turns to Columbia.
(Band plays parody of Roar, Lion, Roar)
Since the government is still shut down, we took it upon ourselves to come up with a plan for the future of America. We invited all of the Princetonian politicians back to campus (we know they weren’t the ones causing the problems) and Ben Bernanke led us in a meeting dubbed the Princeton University Summit to Solve the Issue.
The decision of said summit was that Princeton would unite with the rest of the Ivy League, except Columbia since they don’t have anything useful — not even hotel administrators! We would all live off our endowments while the rest of the country withered and died. President Eisgruber’s throne from the installation has been brought back out and he is now reigning Grand Emperor over the country.
Expressing our pride in our newly founded nation, the band forms a P for Princeton and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of the national anthem by the Princeton University Band.
(Band plays the anthem)
Run away band, the game is going to start. [Sing:] It’s time to say goodbye. We’ll see you at halftime.
Halftime:
Fighting the mole people of the New York subway system since 1919, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Forward)
Columbia has a pretty diverse student body, but there’s one demographic that is completely left out: ghosts. The ghosts feel like they’re being unfairly discriminated against just because they’re dead. And not only that, but they’re being stopped, frisked, and busted by the Ghostbusters.
The ghosts realized they could fight back when they discovered that ghost busting technology is very effective on Columbia students, since they’re dead on the inside.
The epic battle climaxed when somebody summoned a giant cube of tofu that represented the ideals of Columbia students and it stomped around New York for several nights. Columbia eventually gave in and gave all ghosts a free ride to the University.
Forming a ghost, the band plays “Free Ride.”
(Band forms a ghost and plays Free Ride)
Ghosts are not the only mysterious things in New York. There’s an incredible number of sketchy things that can be found underneath New York, such as:
- subways
- subway sandwiches
- masonic treasure to be found by Nicholas Cage
- New Jersey
- folded pizza
- Columbia’s stollen nutella
- Anthony Weiner — well, technically he was on top
- a colassal septic tank
- Columbia University
- the Mets, and
- 200 million rats
(Band forms a dancing rat and plays “Land of 1000 Dances”)
Coming soon:
He was a tight-jeaned, vegan lion working in a hipster coffee shop in Williamsburg for minimum wage. She was a ferocious tiger from India with a large tail, sharp teeth, and a fearsome growl. He was jaded by the dating scene and looking for something a bit more alternative. She could run up to 60 miles per hour and had been on the cover of National Geographic. They had nothing in common.
He took her to his favorite restaurant. “What’s your favorite Wes Anderson film?” he asked. “Grrrrrrrrrrrrr,” she replied.
It shouldn’t have worked. Spoiler alert: It didn’t. The tiger ate the lion, and they still had nothing in common.
Forming a dead lion, the band plays “What is Love.”
(Band forms a dead lion and plays “What is Love”)
Run away band, feeding time is over.
