Columbia 2017
Columbia at Princeton
September 30th, 2017
Princeton loses 28-24
Pregame:
On your Marx. Get set. Communism. It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Cannon Song]
Do you want to be funny? For an easy $20, you can attend How to Write Funny taught by Columbia’s Patricia Marx. Can’t afford the price? We have our own Comedian’s Manifesto and are willing to share some tips with you now! Sausage jokes are the wurst. Draw pictures on your legs so you can have fun knees. Broken pencils are pointless. And risque jokes are NOT funny, I mean, CUMB on people! Follow these tips and you’ll be sure to get a Free Ride with the Marx of a good comedian.
[Band forms pencil and plays Free Ride]
Another good thing about OUR Comedian’s Manifesto is that you don’t have to worry about grades! Rather than getting an A, B, or C or PDFing, you only have to think about ONE letter with us and that’s a Double-Double-Rotating-P!
[Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise and remove your hats for the playing of the national anthem.
[Band plays Banner]
Halftime:
I’m both frightened and excited. It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
It is many a person’s dream to get an acceptance letter in the mail and go to school! But for 277 graduate students these dreams were shattered when they received acceptance letters to Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health, only to have them take it back. Talk about premature matriculation. They should see a health professional about that. Maybe one of the people whose acceptance they rescinded. Oh why must you Build Me Up Buttercup just to let me down!?
[Band forms scissors and plays Build Me Up Buttercup]
So Columbia isn’t the best at sending acceptance letters but they have other superlatives like Most Improved! Their football team has won all 3 of their games so far, quite the welcome change for them from how they usually fare during football season. We’re happy for you but Princeton is sure to put your team on Holiday from your winning streak!
[Band forms award ribbon and plays Holiday]
Run away Band, the rescission letters are CUMBing!
September 30th, 2017
Princeton loses 28-24
Pregame:
On your Marx. Get set. Communism. It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Cannon Song]
Do you want to be funny? For an easy $20, you can attend How to Write Funny taught by Columbia’s Patricia Marx. Can’t afford the price? We have our own Comedian’s Manifesto and are willing to share some tips with you now! Sausage jokes are the wurst. Draw pictures on your legs so you can have fun knees. Broken pencils are pointless. And risque jokes are NOT funny, I mean, CUMB on people! Follow these tips and you’ll be sure to get a Free Ride with the Marx of a good comedian.
[Band forms pencil and plays Free Ride]
Another good thing about OUR Comedian’s Manifesto is that you don’t have to worry about grades! Rather than getting an A, B, or C or PDFing, you only have to think about ONE letter with us and that’s a Double-Double-Rotating-P!
[Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise and remove your hats for the playing of the national anthem.
[Band plays Banner]
Halftime:
I’m both frightened and excited. It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
It is many a person’s dream to get an acceptance letter in the mail and go to school! But for 277 graduate students these dreams were shattered when they received acceptance letters to Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health, only to have them take it back. Talk about premature matriculation. They should see a health professional about that. Maybe one of the people whose acceptance they rescinded. Oh why must you Build Me Up Buttercup just to let me down!?
[Band forms scissors and plays Build Me Up Buttercup]
So Columbia isn’t the best at sending acceptance letters but they have other superlatives like Most Improved! Their football team has won all 3 of their games so far, quite the welcome change for them from how they usually fare during football season. We’re happy for you but Princeton is sure to put your team on Holiday from your winning streak!
[Band forms award ribbon and plays Holiday]
Run away Band, the rescission letters are CUMBing!
