Columbia 2019
Columbia at Princeton
October 5th, 2019
Princeton wins 21-10
Pregame:
NOT the cleverest band in the world, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Dearest Sir Lee Bollinger,
Good afternoon my not-so-good sir. * slap sound * I cahn’t believe you’ve done this. We write this letter on behalf of our dearly departed friends, the Columbia University Marching Band, towards whom you have acted with the utmost disgrace. Not only did you evict your most valuable asset, but you are also rubbing salt into a most bloody wound by requiring your new band-age to have auditions.
We were going to donate one hundred thousand billion bitcoin to your University, but now we're going to have to give it to Yale.
Have fun when your average football game attendance drops from “the Columbia Band” [pause] to ZERO.
Disrespectfully yours,
the Princeton University Band
And now, a direct message to the Princeton Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students: (please) don’t stop us now.
[Band forms the odus symbol and plays Don’t Stop Me Now]
Press double double rotating p to play respects to the Columbia Band.
[Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Run away band, none of you passed the audition.
Halftime:
Corrupting the youth since 1919, it’s the Princeton University Band!
You may have heard about the recent retirement of this year’s lawnparties headliner. But do you know the real story? The Princeton band now presents how it actually happened. Cupcakke looks out into the crowd of TI bros clad in salmon [NOT PINK] shorts and realizes this is not what she wanted. What had her life come to? she takes in the mob of losers-I mean-lizards- no sorry, I mean snakes . . and knew that she never wanted to do this ever again. In a public service announcement, she tearfully stated, “I don’t wanna go to hell for corrupting these… alternatively hydrated kids. After learning a thing or two from Princeton, the expert on legacies, I want my legacy to be one of light and virtue. I just want my fans to have a good Impression.”
[Band forms a cupcake and plays The Impression That I Get]
Speaking of corrupting the youth, the pumpkin spice latte is once again rearing its ugly head even earlier than usual. Considering that Princeton’s atmosphere was essentially a pumpkin spice latte on Wednesday, with highs reaching 90 degrees, it’s absolutely time for some HAWT fall drinks. With such a saturation of orange on campus, how could anyone crave anything else but fall flavored drinks. As unfortunate as it may be, clearly we’re already stuck in the land of 1000 pumpkin spice lattes!
[Band forms a coffee cup and plays Land of 1000 Dances]
Run away, band - the curséd spice beckons.
October 5th, 2019
Princeton wins 21-10
Pregame:
NOT the cleverest band in the world, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Dearest Sir Lee Bollinger,
Good afternoon my not-so-good sir. * slap sound * I cahn’t believe you’ve done this. We write this letter on behalf of our dearly departed friends, the Columbia University Marching Band, towards whom you have acted with the utmost disgrace. Not only did you evict your most valuable asset, but you are also rubbing salt into a most bloody wound by requiring your new band-age to have auditions.
We were going to donate one hundred thousand billion bitcoin to your University, but now we're going to have to give it to Yale.
Have fun when your average football game attendance drops from “the Columbia Band” [pause] to ZERO.
Disrespectfully yours,
the Princeton University Band
And now, a direct message to the Princeton Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students: (please) don’t stop us now.
[Band forms the odus symbol and plays Don’t Stop Me Now]
Press double double rotating p to play respects to the Columbia Band.
[Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Run away band, none of you passed the audition.
Halftime:
Corrupting the youth since 1919, it’s the Princeton University Band!
You may have heard about the recent retirement of this year’s lawnparties headliner. But do you know the real story? The Princeton band now presents how it actually happened. Cupcakke looks out into the crowd of TI bros clad in salmon [NOT PINK] shorts and realizes this is not what she wanted. What had her life come to? she takes in the mob of losers-I mean-lizards- no sorry, I mean snakes . . and knew that she never wanted to do this ever again. In a public service announcement, she tearfully stated, “I don’t wanna go to hell for corrupting these… alternatively hydrated kids. After learning a thing or two from Princeton, the expert on legacies, I want my legacy to be one of light and virtue. I just want my fans to have a good Impression.”
[Band forms a cupcake and plays The Impression That I Get]
Speaking of corrupting the youth, the pumpkin spice latte is once again rearing its ugly head even earlier than usual. Considering that Princeton’s atmosphere was essentially a pumpkin spice latte on Wednesday, with highs reaching 90 degrees, it’s absolutely time for some HAWT fall drinks. With such a saturation of orange on campus, how could anyone crave anything else but fall flavored drinks. As unfortunate as it may be, clearly we’re already stuck in the land of 1000 pumpkin spice lattes!
[Band forms a coffee cup and plays Land of 1000 Dances]
Run away, band - the curséd spice beckons.
