Cornell 1970
Princeton at Yale
November 21st, 1970
Princeton loses 3-6
Ladies and gentlemen, we are happy to inform you that the Cornell Band will not appear today. It’s Harvest Time in Ithaca. We now take a long, hard look at the Best of the Band.
“Going Back”
We first look back to the days before coeducation and turn our attention to a nearby choir college. We remind Princeton Charlie of the school’s motto, “Yours for a song.” Forming a pliable social alternative, we suggest to Princeton Charlie that “It’s a Grand Night for Singing”
(Band forms a blob)
We next turn to Capital Hill and recall our annual Spiro T. Agnew joke, and look in on our beloved Vice-President. We note that an issue of The New York Times reported Mr. Agnew as saying, quote, “that the moratorium was run by an effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals.” Forming either a) a feet in the mouth, or b) a slip of the lip, we pay tribute to our esteemed representative.
“Fool on the Hill” (Band forms ‘OOPS’)
Speaking of meatpacking, the Band observes that Wall Street secretaries have been shaking the very foundations of the financial world by shunning the traditional brassiere. By provoking a rising interest rate, this practice has understandably contributed to a bear market. Noting that the businessman has always favored fewer restraints, we form a ‘laissez-faire economy’ and salute him and his newly-liberated secretary.
“Born Free” (Band forms a blob)
We now turn to the Bottom of the Big 3, and recall the time when Yale and Vassar were considering their unsuccessful merger. Never before has an entire school been shot down, although we can certainly understand why. Forming either
a) the symbol of that well-known girls’ school, or
b) the first letter in Vassar, or
c) a Y that has no tail,
we overhear Virginia Vassar resolving her problem.
“Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” (Band forms a ‘V’)
Speaking of the Bottom section of the Big 3, we turn to a literary show done at Harvard last year. We noted in the motion picture, “Goodbye Columbus,” Ali McGraw plays a Radcliffe girl who, understandably, turns away from the Harvard social scene in order to date a librarian from the Bronx. Forming a library carrel on the field, we wonder what she could possibly get from a Bronx librarian that she could not get from a Harvard man.
“More” (Band forms ‘NOOK’)
And finally, a Best of the Band show would not be complete without a quick, hard look at Cornell. First the Band salutes Cornell’s second flowering of female cheerleaders, recalling that last year, when asked by The Daily Sun if the girls would help, Coach Musick replied, “Only if they are 6’2″, 195 lbs., and can catch passes.” But as everyone knows, Cornell girls cannot catch passes.
“Sixteen Tons” (Band forms barbells)
The Band also salutes the only male student in Cornell’s school of Home Economics, realizing that he’s the only guy on campus who can eat his cake and make it too. Observing a) cooked goose, b) vise versa, we look into the kitchen to see how things are.
“Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dinah” (Band forms a blob)
November 21st, 1970
Princeton loses 3-6
Ladies and gentlemen, we are happy to inform you that the Cornell Band will not appear today. It’s Harvest Time in Ithaca. We now take a long, hard look at the Best of the Band.
“Going Back”
We first look back to the days before coeducation and turn our attention to a nearby choir college. We remind Princeton Charlie of the school’s motto, “Yours for a song.” Forming a pliable social alternative, we suggest to Princeton Charlie that “It’s a Grand Night for Singing”
(Band forms a blob)
We next turn to Capital Hill and recall our annual Spiro T. Agnew joke, and look in on our beloved Vice-President. We note that an issue of The New York Times reported Mr. Agnew as saying, quote, “that the moratorium was run by an effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals.” Forming either a) a feet in the mouth, or b) a slip of the lip, we pay tribute to our esteemed representative.
“Fool on the Hill” (Band forms ‘OOPS’)
Speaking of meatpacking, the Band observes that Wall Street secretaries have been shaking the very foundations of the financial world by shunning the traditional brassiere. By provoking a rising interest rate, this practice has understandably contributed to a bear market. Noting that the businessman has always favored fewer restraints, we form a ‘laissez-faire economy’ and salute him and his newly-liberated secretary.
“Born Free” (Band forms a blob)
We now turn to the Bottom of the Big 3, and recall the time when Yale and Vassar were considering their unsuccessful merger. Never before has an entire school been shot down, although we can certainly understand why. Forming either
a) the symbol of that well-known girls’ school, or
b) the first letter in Vassar, or
c) a Y that has no tail,
we overhear Virginia Vassar resolving her problem.
“Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” (Band forms a ‘V’)
Speaking of the Bottom section of the Big 3, we turn to a literary show done at Harvard last year. We noted in the motion picture, “Goodbye Columbus,” Ali McGraw plays a Radcliffe girl who, understandably, turns away from the Harvard social scene in order to date a librarian from the Bronx. Forming a library carrel on the field, we wonder what she could possibly get from a Bronx librarian that she could not get from a Harvard man.
“More” (Band forms ‘NOOK’)
And finally, a Best of the Band show would not be complete without a quick, hard look at Cornell. First the Band salutes Cornell’s second flowering of female cheerleaders, recalling that last year, when asked by The Daily Sun if the girls would help, Coach Musick replied, “Only if they are 6’2″, 195 lbs., and can catch passes.” But as everyone knows, Cornell girls cannot catch passes.
“Sixteen Tons” (Band forms barbells)
The Band also salutes the only male student in Cornell’s school of Home Economics, realizing that he’s the only guy on campus who can eat his cake and make it too. Observing a) cooked goose, b) vise versa, we look into the kitchen to see how things are.
“Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dinah” (Band forms a blob)
