Cornell 1973
Princeton at Cornell
October 13th, 1973
Princeton loses 6-37
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at The Guiness Book of World Records.
“Princeton Forward”
Laying an egg on the field, the Band notes that the fastest recorded time for plucking chickens was set in the 1970 contest at Miami, Florida, on November 15, when a team of four women plucked three birds each naked in 6 minutes, 31 seconds, so averaging 2 minutes 10.4 seconds a piece. The Band comments, “For a naked chicken, that ain’t bad!” Forming a crestfallen cock on the field, the Band salutes this definitive demonstration of dynamic digital dexterity.
“The Stripper”
Speaking of world’s records, the record for the fastest weight loss is held by a Cornell coed, Ms. Dolly Dimples. Dolly, who was an animal husbandry major until they caught her at it, lost 400 lbs. in 15 minutes when she gave birth to a cow on the floor of the Big Red Co-op. When asked to comment on her great loss, she replied, “I always thought Prof. Bovus was full of bull.”
“I’m an Old Cowhand”
Speaking of Cornell students, the world’s most brainless animal was the stegosaurus, also known as the lesser morondon, which weighed in at up to 4,000 pounds but had a walnut-sized brain weighing only 2.5 ounces. It roamed widely across the Northern Hemisphere about 150 million years ago, trying to remember where it had been. Constantly outwitted by trilobites and a number of advanced ferns, the last stegosaurus became extinct when informed that his SAT scores were too low to get into anyplace except Cornell. Forming a walnut-sized brain on the field, the Band overhears the stegosaurus’ plaintive cry.
“I’ve Got Plenty of Nuttin'”
October 13th, 1973
Princeton loses 6-37
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at The Guiness Book of World Records.
“Princeton Forward”
Laying an egg on the field, the Band notes that the fastest recorded time for plucking chickens was set in the 1970 contest at Miami, Florida, on November 15, when a team of four women plucked three birds each naked in 6 minutes, 31 seconds, so averaging 2 minutes 10.4 seconds a piece. The Band comments, “For a naked chicken, that ain’t bad!” Forming a crestfallen cock on the field, the Band salutes this definitive demonstration of dynamic digital dexterity.
“The Stripper”
Speaking of world’s records, the record for the fastest weight loss is held by a Cornell coed, Ms. Dolly Dimples. Dolly, who was an animal husbandry major until they caught her at it, lost 400 lbs. in 15 minutes when she gave birth to a cow on the floor of the Big Red Co-op. When asked to comment on her great loss, she replied, “I always thought Prof. Bovus was full of bull.”
“I’m an Old Cowhand”
Speaking of Cornell students, the world’s most brainless animal was the stegosaurus, also known as the lesser morondon, which weighed in at up to 4,000 pounds but had a walnut-sized brain weighing only 2.5 ounces. It roamed widely across the Northern Hemisphere about 150 million years ago, trying to remember where it had been. Constantly outwitted by trilobites and a number of advanced ferns, the last stegosaurus became extinct when informed that his SAT scores were too low to get into anyplace except Cornell. Forming a walnut-sized brain on the field, the Band overhears the stegosaurus’ plaintive cry.
“I’ve Got Plenty of Nuttin'”
