Cornell 1988
Princeton at Cornell
September 17th, 1988
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band presents Philosophy 101. This halftime show is worth three credits for hotel management majors. The study of philosophy requires a keen mind, a probing intellect, and a calm logical approach to complex problems. (Band runs screaming onto the field)
Early philosophy was rather crude by today’s standards. Instead of declaring “Cognito ergo sum,” Stone Age man asked, “Is my brontasaurus done yet, honey?” Other burning questions of the day included, “How many saber tooth tigers can dance on the head of a pin?” and “If a pteradactyl falls in a petrified forest, and man hasn’t evolved yet, does it make a sound?” Forming a cave on the field, the Band pays a musical tribute to the first family of Stone Age philosophy.
“The Flintstones” (Band forms cave)
Take the Ancient Greek empire. Please. No, really. Where would philosophy be without the principles of democracy, self reliance, individual freedom, and of course, that great fashion equalizer, the toga party? In Greece, philosophy and religion went hand-in-hand. There was Athena, goddess of wisdom, Poseidon, god of the sea, Sagan, god of the cosmos, Cornella, goddess of animal husbandry, and of course, Ithaca, goddess of…nothing. Forming a Doric column on the field, the Band salutes our favorite Greek God — Dionysius, and we invite you to drink from the fountain of knowledge.
“Tequila” (Band forms an oh-so-phallic Doric column)
Having drunk freely from that fountain of knowledge, the Band has developed its own philosophy of life. Here are a few of the rules we play by:
Playing the song that epitomizes our philosophy of life, the Band would like to remind you that “Kant means won’t.”
“Louie, Louie” (Band forms blob)
And we’ll leave you with this stumper: (Band yells “Stumper? Don’t even know her!”) “If God had wanted the Cornell band to exist, then why did he invent natural fabrics?”
September 17th, 1988
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band presents Philosophy 101. This halftime show is worth three credits for hotel management majors. The study of philosophy requires a keen mind, a probing intellect, and a calm logical approach to complex problems. (Band runs screaming onto the field)
Early philosophy was rather crude by today’s standards. Instead of declaring “Cognito ergo sum,” Stone Age man asked, “Is my brontasaurus done yet, honey?” Other burning questions of the day included, “How many saber tooth tigers can dance on the head of a pin?” and “If a pteradactyl falls in a petrified forest, and man hasn’t evolved yet, does it make a sound?” Forming a cave on the field, the Band pays a musical tribute to the first family of Stone Age philosophy.
“The Flintstones” (Band forms cave)
Take the Ancient Greek empire. Please. No, really. Where would philosophy be without the principles of democracy, self reliance, individual freedom, and of course, that great fashion equalizer, the toga party? In Greece, philosophy and religion went hand-in-hand. There was Athena, goddess of wisdom, Poseidon, god of the sea, Sagan, god of the cosmos, Cornella, goddess of animal husbandry, and of course, Ithaca, goddess of…nothing. Forming a Doric column on the field, the Band salutes our favorite Greek God — Dionysius, and we invite you to drink from the fountain of knowledge.
“Tequila” (Band forms an oh-so-phallic Doric column)
Having drunk freely from that fountain of knowledge, the Band has developed its own philosophy of life. Here are a few of the rules we play by:
- You can’t regret what you don’t remember.
- You can’t remember what you force yourself to forget.
- It’s only funny until someone loses an eye…and then it’s really funny.
- The road to hell is paved with astroturf.
- And sometimes, music is not pretty, shown here.
Playing the song that epitomizes our philosophy of life, the Band would like to remind you that “Kant means won’t.”
“Louie, Louie” (Band forms blob)
And we’ll leave you with this stumper: (Band yells “Stumper? Don’t even know her!”) “If God had wanted the Cornell band to exist, then why did he invent natural fabrics?”
