Cornell 2002
Princeton at Cornell
November 2nd, 2002
Princeton wins 32-25
Pregame:
Buzzing onto the field like a tickle me elmo, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon”
We’ve heard that the University Health Center is considering dispensing personal satisfaction devices. We know what Cornell students will really do with these devices.
Forming a vibrating C for Cancun, where we’d truly like to be, the band says, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weener.
(Band forms little C and plays “Cayuga’s Waters”)
And now, not playing such Cornell songs as:
It’s the Double, Double Rotating P!
(Band Forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Yo Band, Get off!
Halftime
Shivering on the field because we’re frozen to the icy tundra of Ithaca, it’s the Princeton University Fall Break Band!
“Princeton Forward”
We know that Cornell fancies themselves the hotel management capital of the Ivy League. We think that to truly claim that title, they need to add a new major, Motel Management. Suggested courses include:
Forming a crash course in motel management, the band reminds Cornell: If the motel’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!
(Band forms a motel teetering on the edge of a gorge and plays “Rock Around the Clock”)
Moving from Cornell’s insecurity to airport insecurity, we’ve noticed that airlines have been trying everything to convince people the skies are once again safe for travel. Here are some ideas that didn’t work out so well.
Forming the proudest of steamboats, the Band reminds you that if you don’t fly the friendly skies, the terrorists have already won.
(Band forms a steamboat and plays “Proud Mary”)
Run away, Band! Move those legs to prevent the onset of hypothermia.
November 2nd, 2002
Princeton wins 32-25
Pregame:
Buzzing onto the field like a tickle me elmo, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon”
We’ve heard that the University Health Center is considering dispensing personal satisfaction devices. We know what Cornell students will really do with these devices.
- Beat old people rapidly
- Conduct a really fast song
- Use it to demonstrate simple harmonic motion
- Amaze their friends by making it disappear
- Tenderize meat
- Give a massage
- This one time, at band camp, they used their vibrator like a flute
- And keep warm on those cold Ithaca nights
Forming a vibrating C for Cancun, where we’d truly like to be, the band says, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weener.
(Band forms little C and plays “Cayuga’s Waters”)
And now, not playing such Cornell songs as:
- Red Eyed Girl
- Pretty Fly for a Red Guy
- We all live in a Red Submarine
- Red Onions
- Red Rabbit
- Back in Red
- It’s Not Easy Being Red
- Play that Funky Music Red Boy
- Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Red Polka Dot Bikini
- Rhapsody in Red
- Mellow Red
- Red, da ba dee da ba die
- Red Haze
- Red Rain
It’s the Double, Double Rotating P!
(Band Forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Yo Band, Get off!
Halftime
Shivering on the field because we’re frozen to the icy tundra of Ithaca, it’s the Princeton University Fall Break Band!
“Princeton Forward”
We know that Cornell fancies themselves the hotel management capital of the Ivy League. We think that to truly claim that title, they need to add a new major, Motel Management. Suggested courses include:
- Reflections on Mirrored Ceilings
- Spatial Mechanics of the Vibrating Bed
- Advertising at the High School Prom
- Advanced Techniques in Recruiting: US/Mexican Border
- Abnormal Psychology: Studies in Motel Desk Clerks
- Economic Theory of Hourly Rates
- Pillows: To mint, or not to mint?
- How Not To Build Your Motel On The Edge Of A Gorge
Forming a crash course in motel management, the band reminds Cornell: If the motel’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!
(Band forms a motel teetering on the edge of a gorge and plays “Rock Around the Clock”)
Moving from Cornell’s insecurity to airport insecurity, we’ve noticed that airlines have been trying everything to convince people the skies are once again safe for travel. Here are some ideas that didn’t work out so well.
- Beating old ladies
- Hiring the LAPD to provide security
- Removing all non-attractive passengers from flights
- Arming drunk pilots
- Charging double for terrorists’ and quadruple for fat terrorists
- Taxi-only flights
- Ensuring that all luggage ends up on the wrong plane
- Going bankrupt, and converting all flights to steamboat lines.
Forming the proudest of steamboats, the Band reminds you that if you don’t fly the friendly skies, the terrorists have already won.
(Band forms a steamboat and plays “Proud Mary”)
Run away, Band! Move those legs to prevent the onset of hypothermia.
