Cornell 2003
Cornell at Princeton
November 1st, 2003
Princeton wins 6-28
Pregame
Ladies, Gentleman, and people from Cornell, there’s no wrong way to eat a Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on to field because Cornell started their show two minutes late)
[Note: This joke was not performed because we didn’t have time]
Since Cornell had such a long, hard drive to get to Princeton for today’s game, we decided to make them feel at home. Lacking any gorges, we opted to provide them with another form of entertainment: throwing things off of Fine Tower. Here are some suggestions:
Forming a ‘c’ for “cow,” the bands says, “MOO!”
(Band forms little ‘c’ and plays Cornell’s fight song)
(Band plays the national anthem)
Halftime
Direct from Greenwich Village, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band plays “Princeton Forward”)
We think Cornell is Hell. Don’t agree? Here are some similarities. Both have:
Forming the thousands of lost souls at Cornell (not drawn to scale), the band plays “Land of a 1000”
(Band forms an crowd and plays “Land of 1000 Dances”)
You may notice that there aren’t many students at the game today. Some say it’s because it is fall break, but we think it’s because they are:
(Band forms handcuffs and plays “Hawaii 5-0”)
Run away band, it’s the Cornell football team and they’re trying to score!
November 1st, 2003
Princeton wins 6-28
Pregame
Ladies, Gentleman, and people from Cornell, there’s no wrong way to eat a Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on to field because Cornell started their show two minutes late)
[Note: This joke was not performed because we didn’t have time]
Since Cornell had such a long, hard drive to get to Princeton for today’s game, we decided to make them feel at home. Lacking any gorges, we opted to provide them with another form of entertainment: throwing things off of Fine Tower. Here are some suggestions:
- That extra bed cluttering up you dorm room.
- A cat — to see if it lands on its feet.
- Aristotle and Galileo, to se which one hits the ground first.
- A Super Happy Fun Ball
- A sousaphone – to increase it’s range.
- The Harvard Bass Drum
- An apple — to prove that that Newton guy was really on to something.
- A witch — if she falls, then she wasn’t really a witch.
- Peter Pan — he’d better start thinking happy thoughts
- A cow because it won’t walk down the stairs.
Forming a ‘c’ for “cow,” the bands says, “MOO!”
(Band forms little ‘c’ and plays Cornell’s fight song)
(Band plays the national anthem)
Halftime
Direct from Greenwich Village, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band plays “Princeton Forward”)
We think Cornell is Hell. Don’t agree? Here are some similarities. Both have:
- An excess of the color red
- Toil and suffering
- Crappy mascots, but really great hockey teams
- SIN
- Locations that are very far from anywhere else
- Futile laboring
- Recurring death
- Heavy-handed architecture
- [cut: Weather that is STANK] Really predictable weather
- Thousands and thousands of people from Long island.
- And once you arrive at either place, you’ll never find your way out!
Forming the thousands of lost souls at Cornell (not drawn to scale), the band plays “Land of a 1000”
(Band forms an crowd and plays “Land of 1000 Dances”)
You may notice that there aren’t many students at the game today. Some say it’s because it is fall break, but we think it’s because they are:
- Knitting
- Watching paint dry
- Spelunking
- Crying
- Trying to grow new limbs
- Living on a prayer
- Sending in box tops for the free prize
- Having one too many
- Looking for the pot at the end of the rainbow
- Giving candy to the kids that have been locked in their basement since Halloween
- And, finally, getting arrested
(Band forms handcuffs and plays “Hawaii 5-0”)
Run away band, it’s the Cornell football team and they’re trying to score!
