Cornell 2005
Cornell at Princeton
October 29th, 2005
Princeton wins 20-17
Pregame
Fleeing from the Harvard Police, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Cannon)
Wow, the Cornell Band sure does have a lot of members. How did they trick so many people into joining?
Forming a little ‘c’ for Cornell’s cool kids, the Band plays “High Above Cayuga’s Waters”
(Cornell’s Alma Mater)
And now… Biting our thumbs at you Lending our ears Our kingdom for a horse! Being little but fierce Denying thy father Being or not being Wishing not one man more Getting the to a nunnery Taking some occasion without giving Something is rotten in the state of Denmark Full of sound and fury Signifying nothing Once more into the breach dear friends! It’s the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Going Back) (Anthem)
Halftime
Making sure we get our full six minutes (originally was “watching out for landmines”, but we stormed the field while Cornell was still on), it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
So, we know that you are supposed to be great hotel managers, but on our last visit to the Cornell Inn, we had a few issues. For example:
Forming an empty hotel room, the Band plays “She’s Not There”
(She’s Not There)
The quagmire in Iraq just couldn’t be worse. Fortunately, the Band has a few ideas about how to stabilize the situation.
Forming the new Baghdad Colosseum, the Band plays “Welcome to the Jungle”
(Welcome to the Jungle)
Run away, Band! Those lions sure look hungry!
October 29th, 2005
Princeton wins 20-17
Pregame
Fleeing from the Harvard Police, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Cannon)
Wow, the Cornell Band sure does have a lot of members. How did they trick so many people into joining?
- The promise of lovin’
- Free drugs for al incoming members
- One-on-one meeting with the Big Red
- All the Lake Cayuga you can drink!
- 1 in 12 wins a free 20 ounce Coke
- One hour free at the Motel Cornell
- Modestly better conversation than with the cows
- All the cool kids are doing it!
Forming a little ‘c’ for Cornell’s cool kids, the Band plays “High Above Cayuga’s Waters”
(Cornell’s Alma Mater)
And now… Biting our thumbs at you Lending our ears Our kingdom for a horse! Being little but fierce Denying thy father Being or not being Wishing not one man more Getting the to a nunnery Taking some occasion without giving Something is rotten in the state of Denmark Full of sound and fury Signifying nothing Once more into the breach dear friends! It’s the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Going Back) (Anthem)
Halftime
Making sure we get our full six minutes (originally was “watching out for landmines”, but we stormed the field while Cornell was still on), it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
So, we know that you are supposed to be great hotel managers, but on our last visit to the Cornell Inn, we had a few issues. For example:
- Cigarette butts and empty 40s all over the floor, oh wait, that was your library
- We expect actual toilets, not being told to just “go in the lake”
- Television should not explode on contact
- Wake-up calls come through the telephone, not through the window
- We like fresh milk, but the self-service dairy cow is a bit much
- Your staff was incompetent and lacked a firm grasp of English; next time, don’t hire your own alumni.
- Remove the “Leap of Faith” from the gorge tour
- Mini-bar should not explode on contact
- Replace the trampolines in the lobby with actual elevators
- “Shampoo” does not mean “imitation feces”
- When we call for service, we expect to be serviced!
Forming an empty hotel room, the Band plays “She’s Not There”
(She’s Not There)
The quagmire in Iraq just couldn’t be worse. Fortunately, the Band has a few ideas about how to stabilize the situation.
- Replace the Iraqi Police with Jedi Knights
- Cut back on luxuries like schools and hospitals
- Institute incentive program where terrorists trade bombs for liquor and pork
- Convert Abu Ghraib prison to Playboy Mansion: Middle East
- Replace sand with puppies and rainbows
- Snoop Dogg to perform in new “Drop Rhymes, Not Bombs” campaign
- Raise revenue with a “Dunk Saddam” booth
- Broadcast Sesame Street on new “Al Jazeera for Kids” network
- Build a Colosseum so that the Iraqi provisional government can feed criminals to the lions.
Forming the new Baghdad Colosseum, the Band plays “Welcome to the Jungle”
(Welcome to the Jungle)
Run away, Band! Those lions sure look hungry!
