Cornell 2009
Cornell at Princeton
October 31, 2009
Princeton wins 17-13
Pregame:
Here to chew bubblegum and perform a pregame show, and all out of bubblegum, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Animals are funny! Especially the ones popularly characterized as underwater equivalents of their land-based peers! Seahorses? Ha! Catfish, sea lions, and tiger sharks? Too funny for words, except for one word: HILARIOUS. Yet even in this crowed field of quadruped knock-offs, one sweet, docile beast stands out: the sea-cow, or “manatee.” You may have heard of one wayward sea-cow recently in the news: Ilya the wandering manatee was airlifted out of a New Jersey river on Thursday. But what did he do during his time in the Garden State?
Forming a “C” for “Sea-cow,” the band plays “the Cornell fight song.”
And now, We’re all out of candy, TODAY is Halloween!?, Get off my lawn!, Halloween is the devil’s holiday, There’s nobody home, Aren’t you a little old for this?, And I’m calling the double-double-rotating police!
Halftime:
Now accepting candy from strangers, it’s the Princeton University Band!
I was working at the stadium late one night
When my eyes beheld a fearsome sight
Our tiger mascot began to rise
And suddenly, to my surprise
He did the mascot mash
It was a stadium smash!
It caught on in a flash
He did the mascot mash
The UPenn Quaker was next to show
That dork came as Henry David Thoreau
Big Green and Big Red turned a bright hue
When they realized both had dressed as “Blue”
The Columbia Lion made a dazzling Cher
The Brown Bear dressed as Ghandi dressed like a bear
The Harvard Crimson came as a wounded wildebeest
Which the Lion only realized well into his feast
The party situation grew fairly dire
Handsome Dan kept eyeing his own hydrant attire
The tiger knew he had to keep his party killer
So turned up the tunes and busted out his “Thriller”
He did the mascot mash
It was a stadium smash
You don’t need a moustache
To do the mascot mash
The band forms an unwelcome roomful of Halloween guests and tells them to “Beat It!”
(Band forms box (full of costumed children!), plays “Beat It”)
Did you spectators hear about this beef spill that happened on the Massachusetts Turnpike on Monday? A meat truck accident spilled sides of beef all over the road. Luckily, no one was injured, except for the thousands of Bostonians deprived of their Monday beef. We expect their grieving process went something like this:
(The band forms a car (with rotating wheels!) and plays “Carry On My Wayward Son”)
Run away, band—I hear the Cornell Band gives away Good n’ Plenty’s every year.
October 31, 2009
Princeton wins 17-13
Pregame:
Here to chew bubblegum and perform a pregame show, and all out of bubblegum, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Animals are funny! Especially the ones popularly characterized as underwater equivalents of their land-based peers! Seahorses? Ha! Catfish, sea lions, and tiger sharks? Too funny for words, except for one word: HILARIOUS. Yet even in this crowed field of quadruped knock-offs, one sweet, docile beast stands out: the sea-cow, or “manatee.” You may have heard of one wayward sea-cow recently in the news: Ilya the wandering manatee was airlifted out of a New Jersey river on Thursday. But what did he do during his time in the Garden State?
- He journeyed to Camden Aquarium, to visit his friends on the inside.
- He was thrown out of several Atlantic City casinos for mistaking American currency for delicious sea-grass… and for counting cards in blackjack
- He was repeatedly mistaken for Governor Corzine
- He took an Orange Key tour of Princeton, and was incredibly impressed by the high faculty-to-manatee ratio
Forming a “C” for “Sea-cow,” the band plays “the Cornell fight song.”
And now, We’re all out of candy, TODAY is Halloween!?, Get off my lawn!, Halloween is the devil’s holiday, There’s nobody home, Aren’t you a little old for this?, And I’m calling the double-double-rotating police!
Halftime:
Now accepting candy from strangers, it’s the Princeton University Band!
I was working at the stadium late one night
When my eyes beheld a fearsome sight
Our tiger mascot began to rise
And suddenly, to my surprise
He did the mascot mash
It was a stadium smash!
It caught on in a flash
He did the mascot mash
The UPenn Quaker was next to show
That dork came as Henry David Thoreau
Big Green and Big Red turned a bright hue
When they realized both had dressed as “Blue”
The Columbia Lion made a dazzling Cher
The Brown Bear dressed as Ghandi dressed like a bear
The Harvard Crimson came as a wounded wildebeest
Which the Lion only realized well into his feast
The party situation grew fairly dire
Handsome Dan kept eyeing his own hydrant attire
The tiger knew he had to keep his party killer
So turned up the tunes and busted out his “Thriller”
He did the mascot mash
It was a stadium smash
You don’t need a moustache
To do the mascot mash
The band forms an unwelcome roomful of Halloween guests and tells them to “Beat It!”
(Band forms box (full of costumed children!), plays “Beat It”)
Did you spectators hear about this beef spill that happened on the Massachusetts Turnpike on Monday? A meat truck accident spilled sides of beef all over the road. Luckily, no one was injured, except for the thousands of Bostonians deprived of their Monday beef. We expect their grieving process went something like this:
- Denial: This can’t be happening! Beef can’t be gone! I just had dinner with it last night!
- Anger: This is total bull. An udder outrage. A beef-uddling turn of events I can hardly digest, especially without four stomachs!
- Bargaining: I’ll give you twenty bucks for that beef bouillon cube!
- Depression: It doesn’t matter. Meat sucks stinks, anyway. I’ll just become a vegetarian or something.
- Acceptance: Anybody up for some Chic-Fil-A?
(The band forms a car (with rotating wheels!) and plays “Carry On My Wayward Son”)
Run away, band—I hear the Cornell Band gives away Good n’ Plenty’s every year.
