Cornell 2021
Princeton at Cornell
October 29, 2021
Princeton wins 34-16
Pregame:
Not exactly what you were expecting, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March”]
What precision! Always a joy to watch! Welcome to the show of the finest band from the GREAT state of New Jersey!
You were expecting a marching band, and you were half right? Well, you’d be totally right if you considered what we’re doing right now to be marching. In reality, it is just an advanced skill called scrambling, an incredibly sophisticated marching technique.
What exactly are the secrets of scrambling? You have to first vigorously mix the eggs, then fry them--just kidding, you merely need to follow us as we embody a fire drill, the final school bell, and a Black Friday sale at Macy’s, all at the same time!
But now, we will do something impressive and slightly out-of-character. We present: the precise, perfect, picturesque, punctual, potentially perilous, purely performative, painstakingly practiced, double-double rotating P!
[Band forms double-double rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”]
Run away, band, we’ve played by the rules and we deserve a lollipop!
Halftime:
With the knowledge that tomatoes are a fruit and the wisdom not to put them in the fruit salad, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March.”]
As some of you may know, Cornell’s newest campaign is “Do the greatest good.” This is why Cornell has achieved something even greater: building a better tomato.
With an eye towards the greatest problems affecting our society today, the new Cherry Ember tomatoes come with a thick skin and a meaty texture, and are less juicy than regular cherry tomatoes, making them less likely to squirt anyone in the eye. With a remarkable creaminess, they’re sure to brighten a consumer’s day, and what’s doing the greatest good if not bringing a spark of joy to tomato eaters.
Forming a big red tomato on a string, the band plays 99 red balloons.
[Band forms a balloon and plays “99 Red Balloons.”]
Here’s a great recipe to go along with your tomatoes: Take five whole Big Red Cherry Ember
tomatoes and add:
- An ear of corn, the favorite snack of the Tigers
- A square of cornbread, the favorite snack of the Tigers’ parents
- A half-cup of corn pudding, the favorite snack of the Tigers’ grandparents
- Six-ninths a cup of candy corn, the favorite snack of young Tigers
- Two gallons of corn syrup, the favorite snack of the Tiger mascot; and
- One tablespoon of corn-based ethanol, the favorite snack of the Princeton Band Van
Finally, remove the five tomatoes.
This recipe is guaranteed to provide any Tiger with a satisfying bite to eat—if you want to spice things up, you could even add in a salty sauce for extra flavor.
Newly deputized in cooking, the band forms a spoon and plays “Corn Drunk.”
[Band forms a spoon and plays "Love Drunk]
Run away Band, Pop Corn is coming!
October 29, 2021
Princeton wins 34-16
Pregame:
Not exactly what you were expecting, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March”]
What precision! Always a joy to watch! Welcome to the show of the finest band from the GREAT state of New Jersey!
You were expecting a marching band, and you were half right? Well, you’d be totally right if you considered what we’re doing right now to be marching. In reality, it is just an advanced skill called scrambling, an incredibly sophisticated marching technique.
What exactly are the secrets of scrambling? You have to first vigorously mix the eggs, then fry them--just kidding, you merely need to follow us as we embody a fire drill, the final school bell, and a Black Friday sale at Macy’s, all at the same time!
But now, we will do something impressive and slightly out-of-character. We present: the precise, perfect, picturesque, punctual, potentially perilous, purely performative, painstakingly practiced, double-double rotating P!
[Band forms double-double rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”]
Run away, band, we’ve played by the rules and we deserve a lollipop!
Halftime:
With the knowledge that tomatoes are a fruit and the wisdom not to put them in the fruit salad, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March.”]
As some of you may know, Cornell’s newest campaign is “Do the greatest good.” This is why Cornell has achieved something even greater: building a better tomato.
With an eye towards the greatest problems affecting our society today, the new Cherry Ember tomatoes come with a thick skin and a meaty texture, and are less juicy than regular cherry tomatoes, making them less likely to squirt anyone in the eye. With a remarkable creaminess, they’re sure to brighten a consumer’s day, and what’s doing the greatest good if not bringing a spark of joy to tomato eaters.
Forming a big red tomato on a string, the band plays 99 red balloons.
[Band forms a balloon and plays “99 Red Balloons.”]
Here’s a great recipe to go along with your tomatoes: Take five whole Big Red Cherry Ember
tomatoes and add:
- An ear of corn, the favorite snack of the Tigers
- A square of cornbread, the favorite snack of the Tigers’ parents
- A half-cup of corn pudding, the favorite snack of the Tigers’ grandparents
- Six-ninths a cup of candy corn, the favorite snack of young Tigers
- Two gallons of corn syrup, the favorite snack of the Tiger mascot; and
- One tablespoon of corn-based ethanol, the favorite snack of the Princeton Band Van
Finally, remove the five tomatoes.
This recipe is guaranteed to provide any Tiger with a satisfying bite to eat—if you want to spice things up, you could even add in a salty sauce for extra flavor.
Newly deputized in cooking, the band forms a spoon and plays “Corn Drunk.”
[Band forms a spoon and plays "Love Drunk]
Run away Band, Pop Corn is coming!
