Cornell 2022
Cornell at Princeton
October 29, 2022
Princeton wins 35-9
Pregame:
Menacingly orange, it’s the Princeton UUUUUUUniversity Band!
We must unite around our dear leader President She-... I mean President Eisgruber as the lifelong core of Princeton University, raise high the great banner of capitalism with American characteristics, and set forth on the great rejuvenation of the American nation.
We must fight onward against the Red Menace, forming our Committee against Pervasive Extraneous Non-donation Investment Stifling. The Red Menace’s agenda has gone too far; they are spreading their ideological contagion, giving us all a BIG RED INFECTION.
[Band forms a bacterium and plays "Moskau"]
Oh, you thought the big red we are speaking out against is communism? You’ve got it all wrong. We’re a liberal arts college, communism has a permanent home here. No, the true Big Red we must fight against is not the soda either. No, our true enemy, the Big Red itself, is Cornell. Battle onward, Princeton consulting comrades! We must redouble our efforts… into our DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!!!
[Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays "Going Back to Nassau Hall"]
Halftime:
I can’t imagine a more beautiful thing, it’s corn(abrupt stop)—-I mean the Princeton UUUUUUniversity Band!
For today’s show, we thought we would introduce you all to one of our band members: Daniel, known by baristas as Danielle. Daniel belongs to the great class of 2024 and the less great island of Long. Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually very average size. Daniel is currently our only trombone player, so we think he deserves some high praise, if you know what we mean. We’re not sure why Daniel is our only bone player…perhaps he goes too hard? Regardless, he holds down the fort, blowing out bone solos with ease as fans watch in awe. He’s a real rockstar of the band, you might say he’s a rock lobster.
[Band forms a bone and plays Rock Lobster]
If you haven’t caught on already, while Cornell may have many trombones to our single one, our trombonist is far superior. In fact, an influx in funding allowed us to send him to an intensive trombone program. After long days and strenuous nights of practice… actually, we can’t talk about that — you know what they say, what happens at band camp stays at band camp. Nevertheless, we are proud to announce that Daniel is officially tromBONING CERTIFIED.
[Band plays Also Sprach Zarathustra and flashes…
[TROM]BONING CERTIFIED*
BIG RED INFECTION
YAYYY PRINCETON!]
*Editor's note: We forgot the TROM on the field. Our sincerest apologies.
October 29, 2022
Princeton wins 35-9
Pregame:
Menacingly orange, it’s the Princeton UUUUUUUniversity Band!
We must unite around our dear leader President She-... I mean President Eisgruber as the lifelong core of Princeton University, raise high the great banner of capitalism with American characteristics, and set forth on the great rejuvenation of the American nation.
We must fight onward against the Red Menace, forming our Committee against Pervasive Extraneous Non-donation Investment Stifling. The Red Menace’s agenda has gone too far; they are spreading their ideological contagion, giving us all a BIG RED INFECTION.
[Band forms a bacterium and plays "Moskau"]
Oh, you thought the big red we are speaking out against is communism? You’ve got it all wrong. We’re a liberal arts college, communism has a permanent home here. No, the true Big Red we must fight against is not the soda either. No, our true enemy, the Big Red itself, is Cornell. Battle onward, Princeton consulting comrades! We must redouble our efforts… into our DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!!!
[Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays "Going Back to Nassau Hall"]
Halftime:
I can’t imagine a more beautiful thing, it’s corn(abrupt stop)—-I mean the Princeton UUUUUUniversity Band!
For today’s show, we thought we would introduce you all to one of our band members: Daniel, known by baristas as Danielle. Daniel belongs to the great class of 2024 and the less great island of Long. Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually very average size. Daniel is currently our only trombone player, so we think he deserves some high praise, if you know what we mean. We’re not sure why Daniel is our only bone player…perhaps he goes too hard? Regardless, he holds down the fort, blowing out bone solos with ease as fans watch in awe. He’s a real rockstar of the band, you might say he’s a rock lobster.
[Band forms a bone and plays Rock Lobster]
If you haven’t caught on already, while Cornell may have many trombones to our single one, our trombonist is far superior. In fact, an influx in funding allowed us to send him to an intensive trombone program. After long days and strenuous nights of practice… actually, we can’t talk about that — you know what they say, what happens at band camp stays at band camp. Nevertheless, we are proud to announce that Daniel is officially tromBONING CERTIFIED.
[Band plays Also Sprach Zarathustra and flashes…
[TROM]BONING CERTIFIED*
BIG RED INFECTION
YAYYY PRINCETON!]
*Editor's note: We forgot the TROM on the field. Our sincerest apologies.
