Dartmouth 1987
Dartmouth at Princeton
September 19th, 1987
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen of Yale, the following halftime show is brought to you by Delta Airlines — “We get you there…”
“Princeton Forward”
The Band arrived in Hanover late last night, looking for a good time. What a nightmare! Crossing the Green, we were confronted by leather-clad Dartmouth security bullies brandishing Breathalyzers. “We’re clean,” we cried, but were busted for “possession by consumption.” As the Band stood shackled to a tree, we witnessed a new era in Dartmouth social life: kegs confiscated, Freshmen frisked for flasks, fraternities placed on double-secret probation. Could it be? Is Hangover New Hampshire now Teetotalersville? Is the body an open container? Can you be prosecuted for a hangover? Will search warrants be issued for your small intestine? Where will it stop? If beer in the stomach is “possession by consumption,” will eating Devil Dogs lead to “demonic possession by consumption?” Forming a stomach pump on the field, the Band suggests the next illogical step: Repossession by Consumption.
“Miller Time” (Band forms stomach pump)
Thirsty and frustrated? Tired of watching Hanover High School students drink beer while you can’t? Fear not! As the USS “Kegs ‘R Us” steams through the Straits of Hanover, we are ever-mindful of our holy mission to guide that precious beverage to your lips. The Princeton University Band, those ambassadors of musical diplomacy, follows the example of the US Navy and reflags and escorts all boats ‘o brew to Dartmouth Green. Oh no, Band! You’ve hit a minor! Don’t serve her; you’ll be put on probation!
“Satisfaction” (Band forms Straits of Hanover, ship is reflagged, goes through,hits a minor)
But even the generosity of your Princeton friends will not last forever. Dartmouth students must learn to be self-sufficient and creative in their pursuit of happiness. Dartmouth 1992: the new campus sensation: Straight Robitussin with a Body on Tap shampoo chaser. College authorities have no leads in the mysterious disappearance of four cases of cooking sherry from the Home EC department. In response to the growing concern, the Dartmouth administration delivers a safe drinking kit to students, containing:
a) Moussy beer substitute, for the way Dartmouth drinks — and perms its sheep.
b) a pack of individually-wrapped swizzle sticks — sanitized for your protection.
c) a balloon-full of clean mountain air — for those emergency Breathalyzer tests.
d) a limited edition Surgeon General C. Everett Koop nudie glass, shown here.
Offering a toast to Dartmouth’s uncertain future, the Band plays “This Bud’s for You.”
“Budweiser Theme” (Band forms C. Everett Koop nudie glass, level goes down)
September 19th, 1987
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen of Yale, the following halftime show is brought to you by Delta Airlines — “We get you there…”
“Princeton Forward”
The Band arrived in Hanover late last night, looking for a good time. What a nightmare! Crossing the Green, we were confronted by leather-clad Dartmouth security bullies brandishing Breathalyzers. “We’re clean,” we cried, but were busted for “possession by consumption.” As the Band stood shackled to a tree, we witnessed a new era in Dartmouth social life: kegs confiscated, Freshmen frisked for flasks, fraternities placed on double-secret probation. Could it be? Is Hangover New Hampshire now Teetotalersville? Is the body an open container? Can you be prosecuted for a hangover? Will search warrants be issued for your small intestine? Where will it stop? If beer in the stomach is “possession by consumption,” will eating Devil Dogs lead to “demonic possession by consumption?” Forming a stomach pump on the field, the Band suggests the next illogical step: Repossession by Consumption.
“Miller Time” (Band forms stomach pump)
Thirsty and frustrated? Tired of watching Hanover High School students drink beer while you can’t? Fear not! As the USS “Kegs ‘R Us” steams through the Straits of Hanover, we are ever-mindful of our holy mission to guide that precious beverage to your lips. The Princeton University Band, those ambassadors of musical diplomacy, follows the example of the US Navy and reflags and escorts all boats ‘o brew to Dartmouth Green. Oh no, Band! You’ve hit a minor! Don’t serve her; you’ll be put on probation!
“Satisfaction” (Band forms Straits of Hanover, ship is reflagged, goes through,hits a minor)
But even the generosity of your Princeton friends will not last forever. Dartmouth students must learn to be self-sufficient and creative in their pursuit of happiness. Dartmouth 1992: the new campus sensation: Straight Robitussin with a Body on Tap shampoo chaser. College authorities have no leads in the mysterious disappearance of four cases of cooking sherry from the Home EC department. In response to the growing concern, the Dartmouth administration delivers a safe drinking kit to students, containing:
a) Moussy beer substitute, for the way Dartmouth drinks — and perms its sheep.
b) a pack of individually-wrapped swizzle sticks — sanitized for your protection.
c) a balloon-full of clean mountain air — for those emergency Breathalyzer tests.
d) a limited edition Surgeon General C. Everett Koop nudie glass, shown here.
Offering a toast to Dartmouth’s uncertain future, the Band plays “This Bud’s for You.”
“Budweiser Theme” (Band forms C. Everett Koop nudie glass, level goes down)
