Dartmouth 1992
Princeton vs. Dartmouth
November 21st, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Galloping onto the field like the four horsemen of the apocalypse, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We’d like to welcome our friends from Dartmouth. We wanted to make you feel right at home, but the admissions office refused to lower its standards that far. Speaking of lowered standards…
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a sheep? Another Dartmouth student.
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a Yale student? A sheepdog that likes Vermouth.
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a Columbia student? A sheep on the lam.
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a Harvard student? There are some things even a Harvard student won’t do.
“As the Backs Go Tearing By” (Band forms a small ‘d’)
And now, it’s the:
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
We’re going to make a lawsuit joke, a dinky little joke, but we were afraid of being named co-defendants.
Halftime
Blazing onto the field like tomorrow night’s bonfire, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
The future of Princeton is assured. The University is building a power plant, and guess what–it’s THERMONUCLEAR. What will this mean for you? Well, consider plasma InstaHots. And if you think your pipes are noisy now, boy are you in for a surprise. Now WPRB will have a new 30,000 megaton antenna–“Radio you can hear on Mars…through your toothbrush.” Replacing the Nude Olympics will be the Nuclear Winter Olympics. And DFS food will stay warm forever. DeNunzio Pool will become the slowest pool in the league because of its heavy water. And finally, head butting lamps will become much more exciting, shown here.
“Virgin de la Macarena” (Band forms mushroom cloud)
Well, the end of the millennium is fast approaching, and with it, the end of everything. Yes, the apocalypse is coming, and no one will be left to clean up after it. How do we know? Well, take a look at these signs of the end of the world:
And then there’s the biggest sign of the apocalypse: the graduation of the son of our most famous alum, God, Class of ’00.
“Jesus Christ Superstar” (Band forms a mortarboard)
So, what does the future really hold? Well, let’s ask our Magic Eight Ball. (Band forms Magic Eight Ball)
How does a Dartmouth student choose between going out on a Friday night and tending his sheep? Well, he flips a coin, shown here. (Eight Ball is now a coin. Band flips coin: each side runs to other side. Trash in center “moons.”)Uh oh, looks like tails! Oh well, Dartmouth, you’ll get yours in the end. “Everybody Needs Somebody” We’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate the Princeton football team on bringing the Big Three Championship back to Tigertown. You know, it’s not called the Big Three for nothing. After all, three is:
As we form a Big Three Championship–actual size–we’d like to remind you that Princeton is to Harvard and Yale as the U.S. Olympic Basketball team is to Angola and Sweden.
“National Emblem” (Band forms a big ‘3’)
Concluding our 74th season of marching, music, mirth, and merriment, we’d like to thank Amy, Joyce, G. Donald Murray, and Jack “Big Daddy” Hontz for all they’ve done. And now, on behalf of President Doug “It’s not my fault” Natelson, Student Conductor Ed “If you can afford her” Baier, and Drum Major Lyle “Nature Boy” Andrews, this is your announcer Rob “I blame Clem” Kutner, reminding you that God went to Princeton, Satan went to Harvard, and George Bush went to Yale.
November 21st, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Galloping onto the field like the four horsemen of the apocalypse, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We’d like to welcome our friends from Dartmouth. We wanted to make you feel right at home, but the admissions office refused to lower its standards that far. Speaking of lowered standards…
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a sheep? Another Dartmouth student.
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a Yale student? A sheepdog that likes Vermouth.
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a Columbia student? A sheep on the lam.
What do you get when you cross a Dartmouth student with a Harvard student? There are some things even a Harvard student won’t do.
“As the Backs Go Tearing By” (Band forms a small ‘d’)
And now, it’s the:
- Coming in on the final approach,
- It ain’t over ‘till the fat lady sings,
- Parting is such sweet sorrow,
- Here endeth the lesson,
- Prepare for landing,
- So long and thanks for all the fish,
- Going, going, gone!
- God is calling us home,
- The end is near,
- Prepare to meet your maker,
- Bd’ bd’ bd’ that’s all folks!
- We’re outta here!
- The mother of all championships,
- Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
We’re going to make a lawsuit joke, a dinky little joke, but we were afraid of being named co-defendants.
Halftime
Blazing onto the field like tomorrow night’s bonfire, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
The future of Princeton is assured. The University is building a power plant, and guess what–it’s THERMONUCLEAR. What will this mean for you? Well, consider plasma InstaHots. And if you think your pipes are noisy now, boy are you in for a surprise. Now WPRB will have a new 30,000 megaton antenna–“Radio you can hear on Mars…through your toothbrush.” Replacing the Nude Olympics will be the Nuclear Winter Olympics. And DFS food will stay warm forever. DeNunzio Pool will become the slowest pool in the league because of its heavy water. And finally, head butting lamps will become much more exciting, shown here.
“Virgin de la Macarena” (Band forms mushroom cloud)
Well, the end of the millennium is fast approaching, and with it, the end of everything. Yes, the apocalypse is coming, and no one will be left to clean up after it. How do we know? Well, take a look at these signs of the end of the world:
- Columbia beats Cornell in football.
- The infinodryer in 1903 stops working.
- All 2000 copies of the Prince are delivered on time to the right rooms, and they actually say something.
- A campus center is built.
- The Princeton ratio is 50/50.
- Beer is not served at Reunions.
- Harry’s Luncheonette buys out DFS.
And then there’s the biggest sign of the apocalypse: the graduation of the son of our most famous alum, God, Class of ’00.
“Jesus Christ Superstar” (Band forms a mortarboard)
So, what does the future really hold? Well, let’s ask our Magic Eight Ball. (Band forms Magic Eight Ball)
- Which school is better, Harvard or Yale? (Magic Eight Ball shakes…sign in center says “NO”)
- Pardon me, are those Bugle Boy Jeans you’re wearing? (Magic Eight Ball shakes…sign in center says “Why yes”)
- What can a Dartmouth student expect from his future? (Magic Eight Ball shakes…sign in center shows McDonald’s arches.)
How does a Dartmouth student choose between going out on a Friday night and tending his sheep? Well, he flips a coin, shown here. (Eight Ball is now a coin. Band flips coin: each side runs to other side. Trash in center “moons.”)Uh oh, looks like tails! Oh well, Dartmouth, you’ll get yours in the end. “Everybody Needs Somebody” We’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate the Princeton football team on bringing the Big Three Championship back to Tigertown. You know, it’s not called the Big Three for nothing. After all, three is:
- The number of Harvard students it takes to fill a hot air balloon.
- The minimum number of days required for a Princeton student to write a thesis.
- And finally, it’s the number of Yale students it takes to screw a lightbulb…into a bulldog.
As we form a Big Three Championship–actual size–we’d like to remind you that Princeton is to Harvard and Yale as the U.S. Olympic Basketball team is to Angola and Sweden.
“National Emblem” (Band forms a big ‘3’)
Concluding our 74th season of marching, music, mirth, and merriment, we’d like to thank Amy, Joyce, G. Donald Murray, and Jack “Big Daddy” Hontz for all they’ve done. And now, on behalf of President Doug “It’s not my fault” Natelson, Student Conductor Ed “If you can afford her” Baier, and Drum Major Lyle “Nature Boy” Andrews, this is your announcer Rob “I blame Clem” Kutner, reminding you that God went to Princeton, Satan went to Harvard, and George Bush went to Yale.
