Dartmouth 2021
Princeton at Dartmouth
November 5, 2021
Princeton loses 7-31
Pregame:
We got a new hamster! It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Cannon Song.”]
Following demand to replace their crude and outdated mascot, Keggy the Keg, Dartmouth has captured the eager essence of their student body in Little Dee the New Hamster. Although often overlooked as “too small” or “not perky enough” by other schools, we accept all shapes and sizes of hamsters. So we visited Little Dee’s home, a treehouse in Little Green, Dartmouth’s claimed most impressive tree. However, in a feeble attempt to stay warm during the harsh Dartmouth winter, we accidentally lit Little Green on fire. Whoops.
Forming the charred remains of Little Green, the Band plays “Not So Great Balls of Fire”
[Band forms a tree and plays “Great Balls of Fire.”]
Our balls of fire were so hot they evicted Little Dee. But never fear! The Princeton Band has something even more exciting in our enormous, impressive, double-double rotating P!
[Band forms a double-double rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”]
Run away Band, we don’t need a hamster! Our tiger is literally hundreds of times larger!
Halftime:
I am once again asking for your financial support. It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March.”]
It’s great to be here in New Hampshire—or, as we like to think of you, the upside-down Vermont! Everything here is upside down—Instead of having a famous socialist in the Senate, nobody knows who your senators are! Do you even have enough population to spare two people to go sit on Capitol Hill and do nothing all day?
Vermont has a marked lack of volcanic activity, whereas almost two years ago, the famous volcano Mt. Pompeii erupted in the middle of Dartmouth, incinerating half the student body and forcing the school to shutter its doors for a year.
Forming Mt. Pompeii, the Band plays “Vesuvius.”
[Band forms a volcano and plays “Pompeii.”]
In this crazy, upside-down state, all we have to cling to is our Lord and Savior, the Princeton Spirit that moves through all of us. Let us pray.
O Great and Benevolent Spirit, may you look down from the heights of Fine Hall on your loyal Princetonian creations. We humbly petition you to grant us the strength and courage to be our unique selves, created individually in your image, to dance our own dances, to march in our own winding lines, and to glorify you in song and praise in all we do. May you grant us the grace in our hearts to forgive a rigid world that tries to limit our paths and force us into its rigid confines. Much like the armies of Pharaoh sunk beneath the Orange Sea, we know that with your everlasting love behind us, none shall stand against us. Lead us to salvation and victory over all our foes on the football field and beyond. Sis boom ah.
Band forms a pristine block and forgives our enemies by playing Dartmouth’s in Town Again.
[Band forms block and plays parts of “Dartmouth’s in Town Again” and “Time Warp.”]
Run away band, it’s time to spread the good news!
November 5, 2021
Princeton loses 7-31
Pregame:
We got a new hamster! It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Cannon Song.”]
Following demand to replace their crude and outdated mascot, Keggy the Keg, Dartmouth has captured the eager essence of their student body in Little Dee the New Hamster. Although often overlooked as “too small” or “not perky enough” by other schools, we accept all shapes and sizes of hamsters. So we visited Little Dee’s home, a treehouse in Little Green, Dartmouth’s claimed most impressive tree. However, in a feeble attempt to stay warm during the harsh Dartmouth winter, we accidentally lit Little Green on fire. Whoops.
Forming the charred remains of Little Green, the Band plays “Not So Great Balls of Fire”
[Band forms a tree and plays “Great Balls of Fire.”]
Our balls of fire were so hot they evicted Little Dee. But never fear! The Princeton Band has something even more exciting in our enormous, impressive, double-double rotating P!
[Band forms a double-double rotating P and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”]
Run away Band, we don’t need a hamster! Our tiger is literally hundreds of times larger!
Halftime:
I am once again asking for your financial support. It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March.”]
It’s great to be here in New Hampshire—or, as we like to think of you, the upside-down Vermont! Everything here is upside down—Instead of having a famous socialist in the Senate, nobody knows who your senators are! Do you even have enough population to spare two people to go sit on Capitol Hill and do nothing all day?
Vermont has a marked lack of volcanic activity, whereas almost two years ago, the famous volcano Mt. Pompeii erupted in the middle of Dartmouth, incinerating half the student body and forcing the school to shutter its doors for a year.
Forming Mt. Pompeii, the Band plays “Vesuvius.”
[Band forms a volcano and plays “Pompeii.”]
In this crazy, upside-down state, all we have to cling to is our Lord and Savior, the Princeton Spirit that moves through all of us. Let us pray.
O Great and Benevolent Spirit, may you look down from the heights of Fine Hall on your loyal Princetonian creations. We humbly petition you to grant us the strength and courage to be our unique selves, created individually in your image, to dance our own dances, to march in our own winding lines, and to glorify you in song and praise in all we do. May you grant us the grace in our hearts to forgive a rigid world that tries to limit our paths and force us into its rigid confines. Much like the armies of Pharaoh sunk beneath the Orange Sea, we know that with your everlasting love behind us, none shall stand against us. Lead us to salvation and victory over all our foes on the football field and beyond. Sis boom ah.
Band forms a pristine block and forgives our enemies by playing Dartmouth’s in Town Again.
[Band forms block and plays parts of “Dartmouth’s in Town Again” and “Time Warp.”]
Run away band, it’s time to spread the good news!