Fordham 1990
Princeton vs. Fordham
September 22nd, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, in our 71st season of marching, mirth, and merriment: the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band would like to welcome our friends from Fordham. You know, Princeton is a lot safer than the Bronx. Just steer clear of that Henry-1901 firing range. Don’t worry though, visiting football rivals are always welcome, especially those with strong academic traditions.
“Mickey Mouse March” (Band forms a small ‘f u’)
And now, the Band welcomes the 1180 members of the class of 1994 - Look out! He’s got a gun! (Rim shot. Band member falls.) Run, Band, run!
Well, for the remaining 1179 freshmen, the University offers these protective devices:
For more complete protection, the Band suggests Scotch-Guarding the entire Freshmen class. But wait; there’s so much more. Act now, and you too can receive a snarling, dorm-ready pit bull, with complimentary piranha for those rainy days. Please remember, we’re not the Department of Public Safety, but we’ve seen them on TV. Saluting Public Safety, Protection, Personal alarms, Pitbulls, and Piranhas, the Band forms a Double-Double Rotating P.
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
“The Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen: the weekend update from Princeton Eyewitness News and Information Service, with your host, the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
Our lead story today concerns tightened campus security. In response to demands for better lighting and more proctors, the University has installed new card-activated locks in Forbes College. Way to go, guys. These Door Unlocking Devices, henceforth known as DUDs, will keep us safe from common thieves, muggers, and any marauding pizza delivery men. Forming your forgotten pie chilling in the night air, the Band plays a musical tribute to all the delivery men left out in the cold.
“I Hear You Knocking But You Can’t Come In” (Band forms pepperoni pizza)
In a follow-up to our lead story, Healthwatch correspondent Al Frente reports that your Forbes College card keys, shown here, can also be used in case of a medical emergency. Not only do they unlock doors, but they also serve as Lifecall emergency transmitters. Imagine if this happened to you: (Band falls down and yells: “Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”) But thanks to your new blue cards, Band, you don’t have to twist and shout all night long.
“Twist and Shout” (Band forms rectangular card)
Our business segment tonight concerns the recent spate of acquisitions spreading from Wall Street to Prospect Avenue. Apparently this merger mania began with third floor bicker and has since blossomed to include entire clubs. The recent merger of Dial, Elm, and Cannon Clubs has sent shock waves through corporate America. In a surprise move, the DEC Grad Board has announced the hostile takeover of troubled corporate giant RJR Nabisco. Indeed, now it’s possible for DEC members to have their cookies and toss them too. Forming one too many Oreos on the field, the Band reaches for a little brown jug….of Mallox.
“Little Brown Jug” (Band forms Oreo cookie)
Apparently, the DEC merger was prompted by a series of unfortunate accidents in which Dial members were found stuck to the taproom floor. Faced with the increasing cost of member removal from sticky floors, the Grad Board had no choice but to seek out new floors to conquer. Hence, the merger. Saluting great strides in the areas of fiscal responsibility and floor safety, the Band forms:
a) Dial Elm Cannon
b) Dumb Excuse for a Club
c) Drinking, Eating, and Carousing
d) Don’t Expect Cooperation
e)
f) a Dozen Empty Clubs
But remember, if DEC continues to grow, soon they’ll have no one to play with but themselves.
“He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” (Band forms ‘DEC’)
The following is a public safety announcement by the Princeton University Telephone System….but you can call us PUTS. Learn to identify these sounds:
“Mission Impossible” (Band forms telephone receiver)
The announcer isn’t wearing any pants. Film at 11.
September 22nd, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, in our 71st season of marching, mirth, and merriment: the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band would like to welcome our friends from Fordham. You know, Princeton is a lot safer than the Bronx. Just steer clear of that Henry-1901 firing range. Don’t worry though, visiting football rivals are always welcome, especially those with strong academic traditions.
“Mickey Mouse March” (Band forms a small ‘f u’)
And now, the Band welcomes the 1180 members of the class of 1994 - Look out! He’s got a gun! (Rim shot. Band member falls.) Run, Band, run!
Well, for the remaining 1179 freshmen, the University offers these protective devices:
- The personal alarm; good for repelling attackers and attracting dogs,
- The pocket sized bayonet,
- A can of mugger-be-gone, and
- A year’s supply of squirrel repellent.
For more complete protection, the Band suggests Scotch-Guarding the entire Freshmen class. But wait; there’s so much more. Act now, and you too can receive a snarling, dorm-ready pit bull, with complimentary piranha for those rainy days. Please remember, we’re not the Department of Public Safety, but we’ve seen them on TV. Saluting Public Safety, Protection, Personal alarms, Pitbulls, and Piranhas, the Band forms a Double-Double Rotating P.
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
“The Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen: the weekend update from Princeton Eyewitness News and Information Service, with your host, the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
Our lead story today concerns tightened campus security. In response to demands for better lighting and more proctors, the University has installed new card-activated locks in Forbes College. Way to go, guys. These Door Unlocking Devices, henceforth known as DUDs, will keep us safe from common thieves, muggers, and any marauding pizza delivery men. Forming your forgotten pie chilling in the night air, the Band plays a musical tribute to all the delivery men left out in the cold.
“I Hear You Knocking But You Can’t Come In” (Band forms pepperoni pizza)
In a follow-up to our lead story, Healthwatch correspondent Al Frente reports that your Forbes College card keys, shown here, can also be used in case of a medical emergency. Not only do they unlock doors, but they also serve as Lifecall emergency transmitters. Imagine if this happened to you: (Band falls down and yells: “Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”) But thanks to your new blue cards, Band, you don’t have to twist and shout all night long.
“Twist and Shout” (Band forms rectangular card)
Our business segment tonight concerns the recent spate of acquisitions spreading from Wall Street to Prospect Avenue. Apparently this merger mania began with third floor bicker and has since blossomed to include entire clubs. The recent merger of Dial, Elm, and Cannon Clubs has sent shock waves through corporate America. In a surprise move, the DEC Grad Board has announced the hostile takeover of troubled corporate giant RJR Nabisco. Indeed, now it’s possible for DEC members to have their cookies and toss them too. Forming one too many Oreos on the field, the Band reaches for a little brown jug….of Mallox.
“Little Brown Jug” (Band forms Oreo cookie)
Apparently, the DEC merger was prompted by a series of unfortunate accidents in which Dial members were found stuck to the taproom floor. Faced with the increasing cost of member removal from sticky floors, the Grad Board had no choice but to seek out new floors to conquer. Hence, the merger. Saluting great strides in the areas of fiscal responsibility and floor safety, the Band forms:
a) Dial Elm Cannon
b) Dumb Excuse for a Club
c) Drinking, Eating, and Carousing
d) Don’t Expect Cooperation
e)
f) a Dozen Empty Clubs
But remember, if DEC continues to grow, soon they’ll have no one to play with but themselves.
“He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” (Band forms ‘DEC’)
The following is a public safety announcement by the Princeton University Telephone System….but you can call us PUTS. Learn to identify these sounds:
- This is the sound of a dial tone….(Band plays dial tone)
- This is the sound of a busy signal….(Band plays busy signal)
- This is the sound of a truck backing up outside your window at 7:00 am in the morning….(Band plays busy signal)
- This is the sound of you phoning your neighbor….(Band plays five notes)
- This is the sound of E.T. phoning home….(Band plays “Close Encounters” theme)
- And this is the sound of you phoning home….(Band plays lots of notes, segueing into….)
“Mission Impossible” (Band forms telephone receiver)
The announcer isn’t wearing any pants. Film at 11.
