Hampton 2011
Princeton at Hampton
October 8th, 2011
Princeton loses 23-28
Pregame:
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii-de-ho, it’s the Princeton University Band.
(Band “marches” on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
Everyone in the Hampton crowd probably wondering what the heck is going on down on the field. You’re probably thinking, “that was the worst marching I’ve ever seen.” Believe me, we could do worse.
In all honesty, you’re probably confused because you’re used to one of the best marching bands in the country, because they’re extraordinarily talented. The Princeton fans are used to one of the best scramble bands in the country, mainly because there are only about 15, so we’re highly ranked by default.
The next question is obvious. What is a scramble band? Rather than focusing on rigid formations, we prefer to tell jokes and act silly on the field. We used to be a regular marching band, but it’s easier to march with adult beverages when you’re not marching in precision.
Why do there seem to be two drum majors? It’s actually to save money – rather than having a color guard, we just have one extra person dancing around superfluously.
Now, what’s with the uniforms? The orange plaid – well if you think that’s not in style, there’s something wrong with you! As far as the boater hats – we actually decided just to buy Venice and take all of their hats.
The final question is actually for you to answer. What exactly is happening on the field right now during this scramble? Are we…
(Band forms a jail cell, the bars of the cell are opened, trash escapes, plays “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves”).
We know today is a very important holiday for most people in the stadium. Well, probably not, but it is Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. Jews traditionally repent by fasting, but other people must atone in different ways.
(Band forms two circular particles, which merge to become a time machine – a clock with the hands turning counterclockwise – and plays “Time Warp”)
With what little time we have left, we’ve been asked to pass along an anti-piracy PSA to all the pirates in the audience:
You wouldn’t steal a treasure chest. You wouldn’t steal a parrot. You wouldn’t steal the name of a wealthy vacation area on Long Island. So why would you download any of the Johnny Depp movies about Captain jack Sparrow? You might get a virus, like scurvy. Or even worse, when the RIAA comes after you…well, why do you think so many pirates have eyepatches or peglegs? Whatever you think, being a pirate is a crime. We know there’s a naval base nearby, but don’t even try to think about running away. Forming a potential getaway vehicle, the Band salutes Scott Jurgens and plays “He’s a Pirate.”
(Band forms pirate ship, plays “He’s a Pirate”)
Run away band, the police have surrounded the stadium.
[Note: This was the game at which the announcer would announce our first downs with "First down... tigers?" Which has been perpetuated by band members since.]
October 8th, 2011
Princeton loses 23-28
Pregame:
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii-de-ho, it’s the Princeton University Band.
(Band “marches” on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
Everyone in the Hampton crowd probably wondering what the heck is going on down on the field. You’re probably thinking, “that was the worst marching I’ve ever seen.” Believe me, we could do worse.
In all honesty, you’re probably confused because you’re used to one of the best marching bands in the country, because they’re extraordinarily talented. The Princeton fans are used to one of the best scramble bands in the country, mainly because there are only about 15, so we’re highly ranked by default.
The next question is obvious. What is a scramble band? Rather than focusing on rigid formations, we prefer to tell jokes and act silly on the field. We used to be a regular marching band, but it’s easier to march with adult beverages when you’re not marching in precision.
Why do there seem to be two drum majors? It’s actually to save money – rather than having a color guard, we just have one extra person dancing around superfluously.
Now, what’s with the uniforms? The orange plaid – well if you think that’s not in style, there’s something wrong with you! As far as the boater hats – we actually decided just to buy Venice and take all of their hats.
The final question is actually for you to answer. What exactly is happening on the field right now during this scramble? Are we…
- Representing what happens when eggs are cooked?
- Running from the swarm of bees whose hive we kicked before coming onto the field? (Line cut for time)
- In urgent need of the bathroom?
- Doing an interpretive dance about the human condition of chaos and disorder?
- Escaping the police because we stole some rich guy’s lawn ornaments to use as trash instruments?
(Band forms a jail cell, the bars of the cell are opened, trash escapes, plays “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves”).
We know today is a very important holiday for most people in the stadium. Well, probably not, but it is Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. Jews traditionally repent by fasting, but other people must atone in different ways.
- Rick Perry must atone for the offensive name of his ranch by being forced to use actual facts in future GOP debates.
- Hank Williams Jr. must atone for comparing President Obama to Hitler by actually reading a history book. (Line cut for time)
- Those hippies occupying Wall Street must atone for being impoverished and unemployed by getting jobs. Note: this was a joke. (Line cut for time)
- Howard and Norfolk State must atone for being terrible by proclaiming Hampton’s dominance.
- The Band must atone for shamelessly pandering to the crowd.
- Taylor Swift must atone for being so gosh darn cute.
- 3D Scar must atone for 3D killing 3D Mufasa by going back to 2 dimensions.
- CERN must atone for making particles go too fast by using such particles in the coolest way – a time machine.
(Band forms two circular particles, which merge to become a time machine – a clock with the hands turning counterclockwise – and plays “Time Warp”)
With what little time we have left, we’ve been asked to pass along an anti-piracy PSA to all the pirates in the audience:
You wouldn’t steal a treasure chest. You wouldn’t steal a parrot. You wouldn’t steal the name of a wealthy vacation area on Long Island. So why would you download any of the Johnny Depp movies about Captain jack Sparrow? You might get a virus, like scurvy. Or even worse, when the RIAA comes after you…well, why do you think so many pirates have eyepatches or peglegs? Whatever you think, being a pirate is a crime. We know there’s a naval base nearby, but don’t even try to think about running away. Forming a potential getaway vehicle, the Band salutes Scott Jurgens and plays “He’s a Pirate.”
(Band forms pirate ship, plays “He’s a Pirate”)
Run away band, the police have surrounded the stadium.
[Note: This was the game at which the announcer would announce our first downs with "First down... tigers?" Which has been perpetuated by band members since.]
