Harvard 1983
Harvard at Princeton
October 22nd, 1983
Outcome Unknown
Now, ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes the long road to Hahvahd.
“Princeton Forward”
The road to Hahvahd begins at a very young age. While mummies knit one and pearl two tiny duck booties, daddies arrange for Junior’s nanny and college trust fund. Snotty tots plot to become hot shots by uttering their first words, “goo goo Hahvahd,” or by bawling, “Smithies are great.” Forbidden from playing with common children, these brats choose a childhood devoid of social development. Forming a pacifier on the field, the Band illustrates the future Hahvahdite’s best friend.
“Baby Face” (Band forms Pacifier)
Once out of their tweed diapers, these ambitious brats have the unenviable task of prepping. While some Choate at the prospect, others simply And-over the job to Daddy. Once they’ve Groten in, however, these budding young preps spend more time on Exeter curricular activities than on their books. With an education like this, the top schools become more remote and getting in anywhere becomes imperative. How about those S.A.T. scores? Well, it looks like you can’t get into Princeton…You’ll have to settle for Hahvahd.
“Malaguena” (Band forms ‘S.A.T.’ changing to ‘S.A.D.’)
After Junior is forced into attending Hahvahd, he finds the crimson-shirted education isn’t all it’s stuffed up to be. Unable to shed their adolescent predilection for Dr. Suess and Dr. Dentons, Hahvahd undergrads forsake the traditional college campus, choosing instead to romp for four years in the yard. Forming a 1000 sheet roll of two-ply, squeezably-soft Hahvahd diplomas on the field, the Band says, “You’re pompous without circumstance.”
“Pomp and Circumstance” (Band forms a roll of toilet paper, it unrolls, a sheet tears off.)
So, Jonny Hahvahd, now that you’ve got your degree, what can it get you? Not much. No more caviar, no more champagne, no more Boston Beans, you can’t even get scrod. It certainly can’t get you employment. But the Princeton University Band, those ambassadors of musical perfection, form a helping hand on the field and say, “We’ve always got a job for you.”
“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” (Band forms a helping hand on the field)
October 22nd, 1983
Outcome Unknown
Now, ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes the long road to Hahvahd.
“Princeton Forward”
The road to Hahvahd begins at a very young age. While mummies knit one and pearl two tiny duck booties, daddies arrange for Junior’s nanny and college trust fund. Snotty tots plot to become hot shots by uttering their first words, “goo goo Hahvahd,” or by bawling, “Smithies are great.” Forbidden from playing with common children, these brats choose a childhood devoid of social development. Forming a pacifier on the field, the Band illustrates the future Hahvahdite’s best friend.
“Baby Face” (Band forms Pacifier)
Once out of their tweed diapers, these ambitious brats have the unenviable task of prepping. While some Choate at the prospect, others simply And-over the job to Daddy. Once they’ve Groten in, however, these budding young preps spend more time on Exeter curricular activities than on their books. With an education like this, the top schools become more remote and getting in anywhere becomes imperative. How about those S.A.T. scores? Well, it looks like you can’t get into Princeton…You’ll have to settle for Hahvahd.
“Malaguena” (Band forms ‘S.A.T.’ changing to ‘S.A.D.’)
After Junior is forced into attending Hahvahd, he finds the crimson-shirted education isn’t all it’s stuffed up to be. Unable to shed their adolescent predilection for Dr. Suess and Dr. Dentons, Hahvahd undergrads forsake the traditional college campus, choosing instead to romp for four years in the yard. Forming a 1000 sheet roll of two-ply, squeezably-soft Hahvahd diplomas on the field, the Band says, “You’re pompous without circumstance.”
“Pomp and Circumstance” (Band forms a roll of toilet paper, it unrolls, a sheet tears off.)
So, Jonny Hahvahd, now that you’ve got your degree, what can it get you? Not much. No more caviar, no more champagne, no more Boston Beans, you can’t even get scrod. It certainly can’t get you employment. But the Princeton University Band, those ambassadors of musical perfection, form a helping hand on the field and say, “We’ve always got a job for you.”
“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” (Band forms a helping hand on the field)
