Harvard 1986
Princeton vs. Harvard
October 25th, 1986
Outcome Unknown
To avoid unsightly blemishes on produce never grind, always mince or stab. Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band reveals its secret to lasting 350 years: The Harvard Diet.
“Princeton Forward”
The Harvard Diet’s secret to a healthy body is balanced servings of the four basic food groups: dairy products, cereals, fruits and vegetables, and meats. Take dairy products, cheese. No, really. Any Harvard man knows the value of dairy products. After all, without Cheese Whiz life itself would be impossible. While Harvard thinks that it’s the big cheese, we remind the audience that the only active culture in Cambridge is in the yogurt. But don’t be sour, you can still have your milk skim, whole, or half and half, the way Harvard men prefer.
“My Way” (Band forms a milk carton)
Nothing goes better with milk than a big bowl of cereal. But eat it soon, because after 350 years in milk anything will get mushy. Just ask Radcliffe. But for its breakfast of champions the Harvard diet recommends crumpets and elephant ears. Here at Princeton, our diet is more substantial. Alumni provide our daily bread, and it rises every year. Midterm break affords Princeton students the opportunity to fill up on their favorite grains: hops and barley. The Band reminds you that beer is liquid bread.
“Miller Time” (Band forms a stein)
The Harvard diet recommends daily allowances of fruits and vegetables. Some of our favorites are: cucumbers, bananas, carrots, Liberace, tofu, gourds, cauliflower, zucchini, chestnuts, kumquats, cherries, Darryl Strawberry, Elvis Parsley, wait — parsley isn’t a vegetable, it’s an herb, Celery Queen, passion fruit, coconuts and lima beans. Sorry, no lima beans. But, if Harvard were full of fruits…Well, if Harvard were full of vegetables…Well, anyway, the Princeton University Band reminds you that a full set of Ginsu knives can be helpful for slicing, dicing, and making lovely Julienne fries, but there are some jobs which still require pickle forks.
“2001” (Band forms ‘H’) MINCE OR STAB! BEAT CRIMSON! CREAM HAHVAHD (a pie is thrown)
Fruits and vegetables may be enough for Harvard men, but Tigers agree that nothing is better than real meat. Of course, if Harvard were a meat, they’d be rump roast, at $3.50 a pound. But for the best nutritional value, the University Cottage Cheese Club, formerly known for its imports, recommends that you shop at a reputable meat market. But now it’s the Cottage Cheese women who are comparison shopping. Not everyone is buying it though; alumni complain and some members are experiencing an identity crisis, shown here. Reminding Cottage, “Caveat Emptor,” the Band wonders just what’s cooking at the club.
“Billboard March” (Band forms single male/female symbol)
October 25th, 1986
Outcome Unknown
To avoid unsightly blemishes on produce never grind, always mince or stab. Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band reveals its secret to lasting 350 years: The Harvard Diet.
“Princeton Forward”
The Harvard Diet’s secret to a healthy body is balanced servings of the four basic food groups: dairy products, cereals, fruits and vegetables, and meats. Take dairy products, cheese. No, really. Any Harvard man knows the value of dairy products. After all, without Cheese Whiz life itself would be impossible. While Harvard thinks that it’s the big cheese, we remind the audience that the only active culture in Cambridge is in the yogurt. But don’t be sour, you can still have your milk skim, whole, or half and half, the way Harvard men prefer.
“My Way” (Band forms a milk carton)
Nothing goes better with milk than a big bowl of cereal. But eat it soon, because after 350 years in milk anything will get mushy. Just ask Radcliffe. But for its breakfast of champions the Harvard diet recommends crumpets and elephant ears. Here at Princeton, our diet is more substantial. Alumni provide our daily bread, and it rises every year. Midterm break affords Princeton students the opportunity to fill up on their favorite grains: hops and barley. The Band reminds you that beer is liquid bread.
“Miller Time” (Band forms a stein)
The Harvard diet recommends daily allowances of fruits and vegetables. Some of our favorites are: cucumbers, bananas, carrots, Liberace, tofu, gourds, cauliflower, zucchini, chestnuts, kumquats, cherries, Darryl Strawberry, Elvis Parsley, wait — parsley isn’t a vegetable, it’s an herb, Celery Queen, passion fruit, coconuts and lima beans. Sorry, no lima beans. But, if Harvard were full of fruits…Well, if Harvard were full of vegetables…Well, anyway, the Princeton University Band reminds you that a full set of Ginsu knives can be helpful for slicing, dicing, and making lovely Julienne fries, but there are some jobs which still require pickle forks.
“2001” (Band forms ‘H’) MINCE OR STAB! BEAT CRIMSON! CREAM HAHVAHD (a pie is thrown)
Fruits and vegetables may be enough for Harvard men, but Tigers agree that nothing is better than real meat. Of course, if Harvard were a meat, they’d be rump roast, at $3.50 a pound. But for the best nutritional value, the University Cottage Cheese Club, formerly known for its imports, recommends that you shop at a reputable meat market. But now it’s the Cottage Cheese women who are comparison shopping. Not everyone is buying it though; alumni complain and some members are experiencing an identity crisis, shown here. Reminding Cottage, “Caveat Emptor,” the Band wonders just what’s cooking at the club.
“Billboard March” (Band forms single male/female symbol)
