harvard 1991
Princeton vs. Harvard
October 26th, 1991
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting your new provost, the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
That’s right, the Band got your new provost job, but not without some stiff competition. We did manage to overhear some of the questions asked of the other candidates for the post:
“Harvardiana” (Band forms a small ‘h’)
And now the Band would like to pay a tribute to Gene Roddenbery, a man who boldly wrote what no man wrote before. Forming the galactically famous:
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotation P)
And now, straight from the Neutral Zone, with the beauty of a Klingon and the wit and humor of a Vulcan, it’s the Hahvahd University Band.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at parapsychology, Devil worshipping, Harvard Law School, and other dubious practices.
“Princeton Forward”
Our journey into the occult begins with a look at what’s in store for Harvard students in the afterlife. After much research, the Band has finally located Satan’s phone number, in the Harvard Alumni Directory. (phone beeps) “Hello, you have reached voice mail from Hell. This call will cost two dollars for the first minute, your eternal soul for each additional minute. If you’d like to speak to Satan himself, press one. For the admissions office or to set up an interview, press two. Press three for the Harvard University Band, or press 69 to learn about Jessica Hahn’s latest secret dream date.”
“Jesus Christ Superstar” (Band forms a pitchfork)
We believe that there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by pure coincidence. Last week, Princeton students in Blair Hall inadvertantly lit a sheet on fire; two days later, Oakland burned down. Three days later, David Duke was heard to ask: “Hey, where’s my sheet?” Are there powers we don’t know about? A woman in Chicago gets a feeling of foreboding and doom; ten years later, Clarence Thomas gets appointed to the Supreme Court. Are there powers that we do know about, but choose to ignore? A woman in Cambridge feels a tingling sensation in her hand; moments later she realizes her hand is on a stove. Demonstrating the power of the unknown on the field, the Band forms Aladdin’s lamp and invites the Harvard fans to come down and rub us.
“I Dream of Jeannie” (Band forms a magic lamp, and puffs of smoke come out during the song) (Band scrambles into a spoon)
To avoid the fate of those few unlucky Princeton graduates who get stuck in dead-end jobs, like the President of Hahvahd, Neil Rudenstine, the Band has purchased some psychic self-help books. Through ESP, we have foreseen that the Harvard Band will once again start their show with a stupid “top ten” list. Now, demonstrating the power of telekinesis, we’d like to ask the Princeton fans to concentrate on the spoon, shown here…
(Spoon bends, trombone sound effect) But now for the ultimate challenge: Total Harmonic Convergence. random notes segue into “Birdland” (Band forms a bent spoon) And now to further demonstrate its psychic prowess, the Band will turn the announcer into a chicken, and brack, braaack, braaaaack!!
October 26th, 1991
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting your new provost, the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
That’s right, the Band got your new provost job, but not without some stiff competition. We did manage to overhear some of the questions asked of the other candidates for the post:
- “Are you free for a few drinks after the interview, Mr. Kennedy?”
- “So, what’s your favorite movie, Clarence?”
- “Do you have any references from your former occupation as Grand Wizard, Mr. Duke?”
- “Can I see your license, Mr. Swaggart - ooooh, and hello Mrs. Swagart!”
- “Are you quite sure you passed the bar, John?”
- “Do you know how to knit and stuff?” (Band yells: “Knit one, pearl two, Hahvahd, yoo-hoo!”)
“Harvardiana” (Band forms a small ‘h’)
And now the Band would like to pay a tribute to Gene Roddenbery, a man who boldly wrote what no man wrote before. Forming the galactically famous:
- Warp speed now,
- I kinna get it up, Captain,
- Beam me up, Scotty, there’s no intelligent life in Cambridge,
- It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it,
- Which way to the nuclear wessels?,
- Set tubas on stun,
- Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a provost,
- Boldly going where no band has gone before,
- Illogical, yet fascinating,
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotation P)
And now, straight from the Neutral Zone, with the beauty of a Klingon and the wit and humor of a Vulcan, it’s the Hahvahd University Band.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at parapsychology, Devil worshipping, Harvard Law School, and other dubious practices.
“Princeton Forward”
Our journey into the occult begins with a look at what’s in store for Harvard students in the afterlife. After much research, the Band has finally located Satan’s phone number, in the Harvard Alumni Directory. (phone beeps) “Hello, you have reached voice mail from Hell. This call will cost two dollars for the first minute, your eternal soul for each additional minute. If you’d like to speak to Satan himself, press one. For the admissions office or to set up an interview, press two. Press three for the Harvard University Band, or press 69 to learn about Jessica Hahn’s latest secret dream date.”
“Jesus Christ Superstar” (Band forms a pitchfork)
We believe that there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by pure coincidence. Last week, Princeton students in Blair Hall inadvertantly lit a sheet on fire; two days later, Oakland burned down. Three days later, David Duke was heard to ask: “Hey, where’s my sheet?” Are there powers we don’t know about? A woman in Chicago gets a feeling of foreboding and doom; ten years later, Clarence Thomas gets appointed to the Supreme Court. Are there powers that we do know about, but choose to ignore? A woman in Cambridge feels a tingling sensation in her hand; moments later she realizes her hand is on a stove. Demonstrating the power of the unknown on the field, the Band forms Aladdin’s lamp and invites the Harvard fans to come down and rub us.
“I Dream of Jeannie” (Band forms a magic lamp, and puffs of smoke come out during the song) (Band scrambles into a spoon)
To avoid the fate of those few unlucky Princeton graduates who get stuck in dead-end jobs, like the President of Hahvahd, Neil Rudenstine, the Band has purchased some psychic self-help books. Through ESP, we have foreseen that the Harvard Band will once again start their show with a stupid “top ten” list. Now, demonstrating the power of telekinesis, we’d like to ask the Princeton fans to concentrate on the spoon, shown here…
(Spoon bends, trombone sound effect) But now for the ultimate challenge: Total Harmonic Convergence. random notes segue into “Birdland” (Band forms a bent spoon) And now to further demonstrate its psychic prowess, the Band will turn the announcer into a chicken, and brack, braaack, braaaaack!!
