Harvard 1992
Princeton vs. Harvard
October 24th, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Today on Geraldo: Thor as shaved martyr.
Ladies and gentlemen: as prophesied by Nostradamus, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band would like to welcome our esteemed colleagues from Harvard. Speaking of things that have been bypassed by history, take the Edsel. (“Please. No, really.”) Or 8-track tapes. And there’s always the USSR, and bell bottoms. And Dial Club...Elm Club...Cannon Club. And who could forget the passenger pigeon, and dinosaurs. Before dinosaurs outlived their usefulness, a giant meteor wiped them out. If only Cambridge were so lucky. Playing a tribute to things which have no purpose, the Band now salutes Cambridge Community College.
“Harvardiana” (Band forms a small ‘h’)
And now: it’s the:
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
And remember - Harvard: seven letters. Pompous: seven letters. Coincidence? You decide.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, solving all of the world’s problems on the halftime field, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
Our cleanup begins at home. America’s leaders have failed us. But all is not lost! The Band would like to announce its candidacy for the office of president. Check out these qualifications: we’re taller than Ross Perot. We’ve got more sax than Clinton’s ever had, and we actually do know nothing about the Iran-Contra scandal. We haven’t vomited on any foreign dignitaries…recently. And finally, we’ve got more moral convictions than a Harvard Business School graduate, and less legal convictions than a Harvard Law School graduate. Forming the Capitol Building on the field, the Band suggests that the only government job suitable for a Harvard graduate is delivering the Washington Post.
“Washington Post March” (Band forms the Capitol)
It’s not just America that’s in trouble, though. The rest of the world’s in pretty sad shape too, but we think we know why. We’ve discovered that global warming is caused by all the hot air rising from Cambridge. The recent resurgence of disco was created by the Harvard band. The Sun will go nova in four billion years, engulfing the Earth, and not a single Harvard professor is doing anything about it. And the hole in the ozone layer, shown here, can be directly traced to the fact that Harvard sucks.
“Lazy River” (Band forms ozone hole)
So, all the world’s problems are caused by Harvard. Surprised? Yeah, right. Looking for a universal solution, the Band consulted the writings of Nostradamus, astrologist Jeanne Dixon, the Wizard of Oznot, the Dalai Lama, Chris the janitor from Spelman, and ancient Norse prophecies. They left us with this cryptic message, translated from the original runes:
“Thus Spake Zarathustra” (Band forms concert shell and flashes)
THOR AS SHAVED MARTYR HARVARD EAT MY SHORTS PRINCETON KICKS TAIL
And remember, Princeton is to Harvard as the thrill of victory is to the agony of defeat.
October 24th, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Today on Geraldo: Thor as shaved martyr.
Ladies and gentlemen: as prophesied by Nostradamus, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band would like to welcome our esteemed colleagues from Harvard. Speaking of things that have been bypassed by history, take the Edsel. (“Please. No, really.”) Or 8-track tapes. And there’s always the USSR, and bell bottoms. And Dial Club...Elm Club...Cannon Club. And who could forget the passenger pigeon, and dinosaurs. Before dinosaurs outlived their usefulness, a giant meteor wiped them out. If only Cambridge were so lucky. Playing a tribute to things which have no purpose, the Band now salutes Cambridge Community College.
“Harvardiana” (Band forms a small ‘h’)
And now: it’s the:
- Not available in any stores,
- Supplies are limited,
- Only one per customer,
- Special signed and numbered limited edition,
- As advertised on TV,
- We’re not different, we’re unique,
- The mother of all consonants,
- Does the Harvard band have P envy?
- Often imitated, never duplicated,
- The one, the only,
- Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
And remember - Harvard: seven letters. Pompous: seven letters. Coincidence? You decide.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, solving all of the world’s problems on the halftime field, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”
Our cleanup begins at home. America’s leaders have failed us. But all is not lost! The Band would like to announce its candidacy for the office of president. Check out these qualifications: we’re taller than Ross Perot. We’ve got more sax than Clinton’s ever had, and we actually do know nothing about the Iran-Contra scandal. We haven’t vomited on any foreign dignitaries…recently. And finally, we’ve got more moral convictions than a Harvard Business School graduate, and less legal convictions than a Harvard Law School graduate. Forming the Capitol Building on the field, the Band suggests that the only government job suitable for a Harvard graduate is delivering the Washington Post.
“Washington Post March” (Band forms the Capitol)
It’s not just America that’s in trouble, though. The rest of the world’s in pretty sad shape too, but we think we know why. We’ve discovered that global warming is caused by all the hot air rising from Cambridge. The recent resurgence of disco was created by the Harvard band. The Sun will go nova in four billion years, engulfing the Earth, and not a single Harvard professor is doing anything about it. And the hole in the ozone layer, shown here, can be directly traced to the fact that Harvard sucks.
“Lazy River” (Band forms ozone hole)
So, all the world’s problems are caused by Harvard. Surprised? Yeah, right. Looking for a universal solution, the Band consulted the writings of Nostradamus, astrologist Jeanne Dixon, the Wizard of Oznot, the Dalai Lama, Chris the janitor from Spelman, and ancient Norse prophecies. They left us with this cryptic message, translated from the original runes:
“Thus Spake Zarathustra” (Band forms concert shell and flashes)
THOR AS SHAVED MARTYR HARVARD EAT MY SHORTS PRINCETON KICKS TAIL
And remember, Princeton is to Harvard as the thrill of victory is to the agony of defeat.
