Harvard 2001
Princeton at Harvard
October 20th, 2001
Princeton loses 26-28
Pregame:
Stroking onto the field, like the head of the Charles, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
So, we were reading the Globe last weekend, and guess what we found out? 91% of Hahvahd students graduated with meaningless honors last year. The other 9% apparently spent their time rolling around in mountains of money, begging for food, and chastising servants. Forming a little h, the band salutes meaningless honors.
(Band forms a small ‘h’ and plays “Hahvahdiana”)
And now it’s the
Run away Band! It’s General Tso, and he thinks you’re chicken.
Halftime
Ladies and Gentlemen: It’s funny because it’s the Princeton University Band. After we finished reading about grade inflation in the Globe, we picked up another periodical called US News and World Report. And guess what we found? That’s right, Princeton is the #1 University in the Country Again. Although Hahvahd may have more money than Princeton, it’s not the size of your endowment that counts, it’s how you use it. For instance:
Forming a false god, the band brings you to your knees.
(Band forms golden calf, plays Nearer my God to Thee, segue to Iron Man) (The following Joke deals with the Harvard Business School, and therefore is closed captioned for the humor impaired)
After we finished the US News, we picked up a pamphlet from the Business School, called How to Succeed in Business, the Hahvahd way. Here are our favorite tips.
Forming a profit-making paradigm we give you the business school’s best advice for success, graduate with honors, everybody else does.
(Band forms two dimes and plays School’s Out)
Look out Band, it’s the other group on campus with no sense of humor.
October 20th, 2001
Princeton loses 26-28
Pregame:
Stroking onto the field, like the head of the Charles, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
So, we were reading the Globe last weekend, and guess what we found out? 91% of Hahvahd students graduated with meaningless honors last year. The other 9% apparently spent their time rolling around in mountains of money, begging for food, and chastising servants. Forming a little h, the band salutes meaningless honors.
(Band forms a small ‘h’ and plays “Hahvahdiana”)
And now it’s the
- Hunan Beef
- Chicken with Peapods
- Sweet and Sour Chicken
- Crab Rangoon
- Orange Chicken
- Chicken Fried Rice
- Won Ton Soup
- Vegetable Moo Shu
- Are you gonna eat that…
- Double, Double Rotating P
Run away Band! It’s General Tso, and he thinks you’re chicken.
Halftime
Ladies and Gentlemen: It’s funny because it’s the Princeton University Band. After we finished reading about grade inflation in the Globe, we picked up another periodical called US News and World Report. And guess what we found? That’s right, Princeton is the #1 University in the Country Again. Although Hahvahd may have more money than Princeton, it’s not the size of your endowment that counts, it’s how you use it. For instance:
- Princeton is eliminating student loans to increase socioeconomic diversity, while Hahvahd is eliminating socioeconomic diversity
- Princeton is planning to build a sixth residential college, Hahvahd is plotting to get rid of that pesky undergraduate college
- Princeton Built a Friend center for engineering, while Hahvahd attempted to engineer a friend
- Princeton is setting up programs that allow students to study abroad, Hahvahd is setting up programs that allow students to study broads.
- Princeton has been working in the service of all nations, while Hahvahd has just been servicing itself.
- And Princeton is renovating its Chapel; Hahvahd, on the other
- hand, just finished hammering the final layer onto the golden calf.
Forming a false god, the band brings you to your knees.
(Band forms golden calf, plays Nearer my God to Thee, segue to Iron Man) (The following Joke deals with the Harvard Business School, and therefore is closed captioned for the humor impaired)
After we finished the US News, we picked up a pamphlet from the Business School, called How to Succeed in Business, the Hahvahd way. Here are our favorite tips.
- Two words Internet (That’s funny because internet is one word, not two, you see how this explanation thing works? We knew you’d catch on)
- Find a box and think outside it. (That’s funny because it makes fun of an overused expression, and also because no one literally thinks inside a box. For those of you that prefer dated low brow humor, it’s also funny because said box)
- Facilitate the implementation of a proactive poor screwing paradigm. (This is funny because it uses a lot of corporate buzzwords with no real meaning, and also because it calls you heartless SOBs)
Forming a profit-making paradigm we give you the business school’s best advice for success, graduate with honors, everybody else does.
(Band forms two dimes and plays School’s Out)
Look out Band, it’s the other group on campus with no sense of humor.
