Harvard 2002
Harvard at Princeton
October 26th, 2002
Princeton loses 17-24
Pregame:
Marching onto the field like a duck in a noose, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon”
Princeton’s Daniel Kahneman recently won a Nobel Prize, and we couldn’t help but notice that no one at Hahvahd did. Here are some prizes they might have a better shot at:
Forming this week’s letter, a little h, the Band asks, How do we get to Sesame Street?
(Band forms little ‘h’ and plays “Hahvahdiana”)
And now, playing the…
It’s the Double Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Bringing some color commentary to Hahvahd, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Cornel West’s coming to Princeton from Hahvahd was big news this year. However, we bet you don’t know the real reasons behind his move.
Forming President Summers’ ideal Hahvahd faculty member, the Band reminds you that the Hahvahd faculty isn’t even pretty fly.
(Band forms a Hahvahd faculty member and plays “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” “black afro gets cut off)
We were wondering what would happen if archaeologists excavated Cambridge in a thousand years. We think they might draw some conclusions about humanity from the remains of Hahvahd.
Forming a thick skull, the band reminds you that Hahvahd has always been stuck in the past.
(Band forms a thick skull and plays “Time Warp”)
Back in 2002, it seems that once again, Princeton is number one, and Hahvahd is left holding their large endowment. Here’s our suggestions for how Hahvahd can get back on top.
The Band reminds Hahvahd, if they really want to get back on top, they’ve got to stop sending Princeton their best players.
(Band forms a concert shell and plays “Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
Flashers spell: A VARSITY MESS
Flashers run around and anagram to VERITAS MY ASS
Flashers flip letters over to spell TIGERS ON TOP!
Run away Band, cause while they may be fast, Hahvahd’s already lost the race.
October 26th, 2002
Princeton loses 17-24
Pregame:
Marching onto the field like a duck in a noose, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon”
Princeton’s Daniel Kahneman recently won a Nobel Prize, and we couldn’t help but notice that no one at Hahvahd did. Here are some prizes they might have a better shot at:
- Best Supporting University in Cambridge, Massachusetts
- A Princey – for creative journalism
- A Lawrence P. Elpin award for excellence in penal colonies
- A Grammy, it’s worthless anyway
- A 48 inch stuffed tweety bird
- A Soul Train Award
- $10 for second place in a beauty contest
- And, a BIg H. Bird Jr. prize for shapes and letters
Forming this week’s letter, a little h, the Band asks, How do we get to Sesame Street?
(Band forms little ‘h’ and plays “Hahvahdiana”)
And now, playing the…
- Penn State Nittany Crimson
- Notre Dame Fighting Crimson
- Alabama Crimson Crimson
- Santa Cruz Crimson Slugs
- Cornell Big Crimson
- North Carolina Crimson Heels
- Duke Crimson Devils
- Wake Forest Demon Crimson
- Ohio State Crimson Eyes
- Minnesota Crimson Gophers
- Rutgers Scarlet Crimson
- Western Kentucky Crimson Toppers
- Maryland Terra Crimson
- But certainly not the Hahvahd Crimson
It’s the Double Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Bringing some color commentary to Hahvahd, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Cornel West’s coming to Princeton from Hahvahd was big news this year. However, we bet you don’t know the real reasons behind his move.
- Princeton has a Carl A. Fields center for cultural understanding, while Hahvahd has no cultural understanding.
- We provide this side of paradise, while Hahvahd provides a side of fries.
- Our most famous nutcase is a Nobel Laureate, but Hahvahd’s favorite nutcase is the Unabomber.
- Princeton has a proud tradition of brilliant minds with tall hair, and welcomes hopeless Presidential campaigns.
- But most importantly, at Hahvahd, Lawrence Summers only likes brown noses.
Forming President Summers’ ideal Hahvahd faculty member, the Band reminds you that the Hahvahd faculty isn’t even pretty fly.
(Band forms a Hahvahd faculty member and plays “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” “black afro gets cut off)
We were wondering what would happen if archaeologists excavated Cambridge in a thousand years. We think they might draw some conclusions about humanity from the remains of Hahvahd.
- Apparently, despite their lack of technical know how, the place was littered with tools.
- Examination of skeletal vertebrae revealed a disproportionate number of deaths due to backstabbing.
- An amazing number of people were name Cum Laude.
- The scientists found what they thought were important documents, but turned out to be merely worthless Hahvahd diplomas.
- And the most amazing discovery was that people had such thick skulls.
Forming a thick skull, the band reminds you that Hahvahd has always been stuck in the past.
(Band forms a thick skull and plays “Time Warp”)
Back in 2002, it seems that once again, Princeton is number one, and Hahvahd is left holding their large endowment. Here’s our suggestions for how Hahvahd can get back on top.
- Hire Arthur Anderson to calculate their acceptance rates.
- Get off their knees and start climbing.
- Bring back the Unabomber to spice up the lectures.
- Access Yale’s admission website.
- Change their name to Princeton.
- Graduate more students with honors.
- Begin asking Princeton alums for money.
The Band reminds Hahvahd, if they really want to get back on top, they’ve got to stop sending Princeton their best players.
(Band forms a concert shell and plays “Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
Flashers spell: A VARSITY MESS
Flashers run around and anagram to VERITAS MY ASS
Flashers flip letters over to spell TIGERS ON TOP!
Run away Band, cause while they may be fast, Hahvahd’s already lost the race.
