Harvard 2004
Harvard at Princeton
October 23rd, 2004
Princeton loses 14-39
Pregame
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… it was the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
It’s certainly the best of times in Boston right now, where the Red Sox have finally vanquished the Yankees. With the karmic balance thrown into total disarray, all signs point to Harvard inheriting the fabled Curse of the Bambino. Last week, Harvard was seconds away from victory in the fourth quarter, when the quarterback let an easy snap roll between his lefts, resulting in a devastating 19-18 loss. Despite a strong start to the season, we expect to see a total Harvard collapse down the home stretch, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. We should see a new and improved Harvard next year. Their new winning philosophy will be based on every player, and cheerleader, not shaving for the duration of the season. Forming a little ‘h’ for ‘Hairy Beasts’, the Princeton Band says, “Johnny Damon is my homeboy.”
(Band forms little ‘h’ and plays “Harvardiana”)
And now, your candidate for President of the United States, Shaking hands Kissing babies Slinging mud Touring battleground states Looking out for the special interests Winning hearts and minds Flip-flopping Forgetting Poland Winning three purple hearts Making promises it won’t keep Raising the terror alert level to orange… and black For lower taxes For a booming economy For universal health care and a stronger America, Vote for the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“The Star-Spangled Banner”
Halftime
And now for our feature presentation… the Princeton University Fall Break Band!
“Princeton Forward”
You may have noticed that the economy is pretty soft lately. Well, so is Harvard’s endowment. In this frigid financial climate, Harvard’s endowment has undergone significant shrinkage, and they’re looking for ways to compensate. Here are some desperate measures they’re taking to raise money.
Forming a pair of healthy organs, the Princeton band wishes Harvard good luck in getting out of the crimson and back in black.
(Band forms a pair of kidneys and plays “Back in Black”)
Princeton has been in the newspaper a lot lately, for impressive accomplishments like winning Nobel Prizes. Harvard has been in the newspaper too… right between the jumble and the crossword puzzle. That’s right — the only place that Harvard can be taken seriously is in the funny pages.
Showing our appreciation for the comic relief that Harvard provides, the Princeton Band will now do the jumble.
(Band forms a concert shell and plays “Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
Flashers spell: COMICS REMIND US Flashers anagram to: DIE CRIMSON SCUM Flashers flip letters spell: TIGERS KICK ASS!
Run away, Band! It’s Ralph Nader, and he wants your vote.
October 23rd, 2004
Princeton loses 14-39
Pregame
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… it was the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
It’s certainly the best of times in Boston right now, where the Red Sox have finally vanquished the Yankees. With the karmic balance thrown into total disarray, all signs point to Harvard inheriting the fabled Curse of the Bambino. Last week, Harvard was seconds away from victory in the fourth quarter, when the quarterback let an easy snap roll between his lefts, resulting in a devastating 19-18 loss. Despite a strong start to the season, we expect to see a total Harvard collapse down the home stretch, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. We should see a new and improved Harvard next year. Their new winning philosophy will be based on every player, and cheerleader, not shaving for the duration of the season. Forming a little ‘h’ for ‘Hairy Beasts’, the Princeton Band says, “Johnny Damon is my homeboy.”
(Band forms little ‘h’ and plays “Harvardiana”)
And now, your candidate for President of the United States, Shaking hands Kissing babies Slinging mud Touring battleground states Looking out for the special interests Winning hearts and minds Flip-flopping Forgetting Poland Winning three purple hearts Making promises it won’t keep Raising the terror alert level to orange… and black For lower taxes For a booming economy For universal health care and a stronger America, Vote for the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“The Star-Spangled Banner”
Halftime
And now for our feature presentation… the Princeton University Fall Break Band!
“Princeton Forward”
You may have noticed that the economy is pretty soft lately. Well, so is Harvard’s endowment. In this frigid financial climate, Harvard’s endowment has undergone significant shrinkage, and they’re looking for ways to compensate. Here are some desperate measures they’re taking to raise money.
- Melting down the silver spoons in their mouths
- Auctioning off dates with professors
- Betting on the Red Sox
- Holding bake sales with special brownies
- Selling their women to MIT men
- Selling their men to other Harvard men
- Employing grad students at the wages of their home countries
- Harvesting the Harvard football team for healthy organs. Mmm… kidneys.
Forming a pair of healthy organs, the Princeton band wishes Harvard good luck in getting out of the crimson and back in black.
(Band forms a pair of kidneys and plays “Back in Black”)
Princeton has been in the newspaper a lot lately, for impressive accomplishments like winning Nobel Prizes. Harvard has been in the newspaper too… right between the jumble and the crossword puzzle. That’s right — the only place that Harvard can be taken seriously is in the funny pages.
- Garfield says, “My movie was horrible… just like Harvard.”
- Dilbert says, “I hate that pointy-haired boss Larry Summers.”
- Calvin and Hobbes say, “Imaginary mascots aren’t nearly as cool as tigers.”
- Charlie Brown says, “Even I’d be a better placekicker than the guy on the Harvard team.”
- Cathy says, “Thinking of Harvard makes it easier to throw up my lunch.”
- The Family Circus says, “God hates Harvard, but He loves Billy.”
- The Non Sequitur says, “Yale sucks.”
Showing our appreciation for the comic relief that Harvard provides, the Princeton Band will now do the jumble.
(Band forms a concert shell and plays “Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
Flashers spell: COMICS REMIND US Flashers anagram to: DIE CRIMSON SCUM Flashers flip letters spell: TIGERS KICK ASS!
Run away, Band! It’s Ralph Nader, and he wants your vote.
