Harvard 2007
Princeton at Harvard
October 20th, 2007
Princeton loses 10-27
Pregame
Debasing the city on a hill, it’s the PUB!
[Band scrambles on]
This year marks John Harvard’s 400th birthday. Now, alot can change in 4 centuries, and we though it might bring some interesting perspective to consider what things the old boy would notice if he were still around today.
Forming an ‘h’ for ‘Happy Birthday John Harvard’, the band plays “Harvardiana”
[Band forms an ‘h’, plays “Harvardiana”]
And now… Skateboarding stegosaurs Vacillating velociraptors Cavorting chasmosaurs Hypnotic hypsilophodonts Preaching pachycephalosaurs Icky icthyosaurs Snuggly Snufulagus Agitating archeopteryx Tangoing tyrannosaurs Lackadaisical liopluridons Tiptoeing triceratops Masticating maiasaurs and the DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!
[Band plays Going Back]
Get off the field, band; we’re going to candy mountain!
Halftime
Scabies…scaaaaabies…it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Forward]
Al Gore, was recently awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace for his documentary warning about global warming. However, some naysayers have claimed that Al Gore didn’t deserve his prize. To dispute this, we’d like to contrast his case with some of the more questionable Nobels that have been given out.
In light of all these, it doesn’t seem so bad that Mr. Gore, Harvard class of ’69, got a prize. He can keep it on his shelf next to the one he got for inventing the internet. And besides, he assures us he won’t let it go to his head. Saluting the Harvard’s humble harbinger of heating, the band plays ‘You Can Call Me Al”
[Band forms ’69, plays “You Can Call Me Al”]
Harvard’s been in the news a lot lately, what with inaugurating its first female president. As a result, universities around the nation have struggled to gain the spotlight with other dramatic institutional changes. For example:
Letting the numbers speak for themselves, the band plays Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, or “241”
[Band forms a 1, plays “241”]
Run away band, there’s permethrin cream on the sidelines!
October 20th, 2007
Princeton loses 10-27
Pregame
Debasing the city on a hill, it’s the PUB!
[Band scrambles on]
This year marks John Harvard’s 400th birthday. Now, alot can change in 4 centuries, and we though it might bring some interesting perspective to consider what things the old boy would notice if he were still around today.
- Harvard still hasn’t figured out what exactly a crimson is
- Now, 90% of the students graduate with honors, while in John’s time, 90% graduated with smallpox
- Harvard does not have E.D., which is impressive for a 400-year-old institution
- The Big Dig is still not done
- Harvard used to have no women, while now they have ugly women
- Their endowment has gotten bigger, but they still have no idea how to use it
Forming an ‘h’ for ‘Happy Birthday John Harvard’, the band plays “Harvardiana”
[Band forms an ‘h’, plays “Harvardiana”]
And now… Skateboarding stegosaurs Vacillating velociraptors Cavorting chasmosaurs Hypnotic hypsilophodonts Preaching pachycephalosaurs Icky icthyosaurs Snuggly Snufulagus Agitating archeopteryx Tangoing tyrannosaurs Lackadaisical liopluridons Tiptoeing triceratops Masticating maiasaurs and the DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!
[Band plays Going Back]
Get off the field, band; we’re going to candy mountain!
Halftime
Scabies…scaaaaabies…it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Forward]
Al Gore, was recently awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace for his documentary warning about global warming. However, some naysayers have claimed that Al Gore didn’t deserve his prize. To dispute this, we’d like to contrast his case with some of the more questionable Nobels that have been given out.
- Larry Summers received the Nobel prize in Women’s Studies
- The Jolly Green Giant received the Nobel Peas Prize
- Carrot Top narrowly beat out Slobadan Milosevic for the Nobel Prize in being Hated By Everyone
- Bill Belichick won the Nobel prizes in Cinematography, Ethics, and Fashion, but they were all revoked, because he cheats
- Miss Teen South Carolina was awarded the Nobel Prize in cartography
- Dan Quayle received the Nobel Prize for his documentary ‘A Convenient Truth,’ which demonstrated conclusively that bunnies are fuzzy…except for the shaved ones
- All the residents of Pennypacker hall were collectively awarded the Nobel prize in Scabies-I mean chemistry
In light of all these, it doesn’t seem so bad that Mr. Gore, Harvard class of ’69, got a prize. He can keep it on his shelf next to the one he got for inventing the internet. And besides, he assures us he won’t let it go to his head. Saluting the Harvard’s humble harbinger of heating, the band plays ‘You Can Call Me Al”
[Band forms ’69, plays “You Can Call Me Al”]
Harvard’s been in the news a lot lately, what with inaugurating its first female president. As a result, universities around the nation have struggled to gain the spotlight with other dramatic institutional changes. For example:
- Cornell’s president is no longer paid in livestock
- Michigan’s football team lost to a Division I-AA school
- Juilliard has brought back castradi
- The University of Phoenix hired its first professor to have graduated high school
- OSU decided to add an academic department to balance its many athletic departments
- Bob Jones University created the world’s first department of Non-evolutionary biology
- Tulane altered its graduation uniform, adding beads, and removing the gown
- Harvard was ranked as the first-[pause]-runner-up in the U.S. news and world report college rankings.
Letting the numbers speak for themselves, the band plays Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, or “241”
[Band forms a 1, plays “241”]
Run away band, there’s permethrin cream on the sidelines!
