Harvard 2014
Harvard at Princeton
October 25th, 2014
Princeton loses 7-49
Pregame:
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Wacky Thyme, it’s the Princeton University Band!
The Band marches on to Cannon.
We are excited for this year's publication of Harvard's Hottest Freshman by the Crimson. Who will make the cut? Will anyone ever measure up to 2017's Pietro? The band turns around to see if it can spot any of these yet undiscovered campus hotties... [sigh] but is sorely disappointed.
The Band turns around in place and plays the Harvard fight song.
Not many people know this, but Fred from Scooby Doo attended Harvard. Only later did he go back to high school along with his 30-something friends Shaggy, Velma, and Daphne. Recently, the gang was on their way to the Hot Freshmen Voting Convention at Harvard when the mystery van skidded off the road and rolled down near the Charles River. Something fishy was in the air, and that's when the group chanced upon the puppy-sized Goliath Birdeater spider squatting on some riverbank rushes. "Zaowi!" ejaculated Shaggy. "Oowoo!" chortled Scooby Doo. "Duhhh" said Fred. "It's probably just some elaborate hoax that a villain is using to cover up his pedestrian crimes," Velma pointed out. And it was. It turns out the spider was just a Harvardian trying to stir things up on campus to make the grading committee overlook his 6.0 GPA on a 4.0 scale. The gang was unimpressed, so they hopped back in the van and took off, looking for more interesting mysteries like revolving doors, spinning bookshelves, and a Double Double Rotating P!
The Band forms the Double Double Rotating P and plays Goin' Back
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
Run away band, he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids.
Halftime:
Consistently falling apart at it’s best, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Harvard has been in an awkward position related to Princeton because although they have a larger endowment, they have less money to spend per student. Where does the Harvard money go? Sources say it goes towards research about the human hotness gene, elaborate end-of-year gift boxes for favorite faculty, and the presentation to the President of a pair of 24-karat golden crugs. Clearly, Harvard doesn’t know how to spend effectively, and the Harvard band has decided to overcome this issue by asking for donations from your very own Princeton University Band! And since Princeton is in the service of all nations, including rival ones with whom we don't always agree, the Band decided to throw them a bone. Giving from the rich to the poor, the band forms a sack of money, gives Harvard a check, and plays Robin Hood.
The Band forms a sack o' money and plays Robin Hood.
Last week, Brown revealed on the big speakahs that Princeton is one of the least dateable schools. But surely they were just talking about New Jersey State. We're pretty sure Harvard is right below us. Why else do they surround 15 normal freshmen with media attention that tells the world how hot they are? They want them to get dates! Save the statistics! If you ask us, they should stop reading the romantic advice column by Mark Zuckerberg, and start thinking out of the box, like taking seniors to Hawaii to get lei'd. Instead, the go-to dating techniques at Harvard are to attend Jane Austen conventions, wear monocles, grow patches of facial hair, and have you seen the crimson ascots Harvard men have started wearing to all social functions in an attempt to seem like a romantic Mr. Darcy? I don't know if they work, but they do make a statement...
The Band forms a flying V and plays Also Sprach Zarathustra
LO! ROMANTIC ASCOTS
anagrams to
COLOR ISNT A MASCOT!
flips to reveal
UNLEASH THE TIGERS!
Run away, Band. The tigers have been unleashed!
October 25th, 2014
Princeton loses 7-49
Pregame:
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Wacky Thyme, it’s the Princeton University Band!
The Band marches on to Cannon.
We are excited for this year's publication of Harvard's Hottest Freshman by the Crimson. Who will make the cut? Will anyone ever measure up to 2017's Pietro? The band turns around to see if it can spot any of these yet undiscovered campus hotties... [sigh] but is sorely disappointed.
The Band turns around in place and plays the Harvard fight song.
Not many people know this, but Fred from Scooby Doo attended Harvard. Only later did he go back to high school along with his 30-something friends Shaggy, Velma, and Daphne. Recently, the gang was on their way to the Hot Freshmen Voting Convention at Harvard when the mystery van skidded off the road and rolled down near the Charles River. Something fishy was in the air, and that's when the group chanced upon the puppy-sized Goliath Birdeater spider squatting on some riverbank rushes. "Zaowi!" ejaculated Shaggy. "Oowoo!" chortled Scooby Doo. "Duhhh" said Fred. "It's probably just some elaborate hoax that a villain is using to cover up his pedestrian crimes," Velma pointed out. And it was. It turns out the spider was just a Harvardian trying to stir things up on campus to make the grading committee overlook his 6.0 GPA on a 4.0 scale. The gang was unimpressed, so they hopped back in the van and took off, looking for more interesting mysteries like revolving doors, spinning bookshelves, and a Double Double Rotating P!
The Band forms the Double Double Rotating P and plays Goin' Back
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
Run away band, he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids.
Halftime:
Consistently falling apart at it’s best, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Harvard has been in an awkward position related to Princeton because although they have a larger endowment, they have less money to spend per student. Where does the Harvard money go? Sources say it goes towards research about the human hotness gene, elaborate end-of-year gift boxes for favorite faculty, and the presentation to the President of a pair of 24-karat golden crugs. Clearly, Harvard doesn’t know how to spend effectively, and the Harvard band has decided to overcome this issue by asking for donations from your very own Princeton University Band! And since Princeton is in the service of all nations, including rival ones with whom we don't always agree, the Band decided to throw them a bone. Giving from the rich to the poor, the band forms a sack of money, gives Harvard a check, and plays Robin Hood.
The Band forms a sack o' money and plays Robin Hood.
Last week, Brown revealed on the big speakahs that Princeton is one of the least dateable schools. But surely they were just talking about New Jersey State. We're pretty sure Harvard is right below us. Why else do they surround 15 normal freshmen with media attention that tells the world how hot they are? They want them to get dates! Save the statistics! If you ask us, they should stop reading the romantic advice column by Mark Zuckerberg, and start thinking out of the box, like taking seniors to Hawaii to get lei'd. Instead, the go-to dating techniques at Harvard are to attend Jane Austen conventions, wear monocles, grow patches of facial hair, and have you seen the crimson ascots Harvard men have started wearing to all social functions in an attempt to seem like a romantic Mr. Darcy? I don't know if they work, but they do make a statement...
The Band forms a flying V and plays Also Sprach Zarathustra
LO! ROMANTIC ASCOTS
anagrams to
COLOR ISNT A MASCOT!
flips to reveal
UNLEASH THE TIGERS!
Run away, Band. The tigers have been unleashed!
